By meesmees - United States - Severna Park Today, I ended up talking to a homeless man and bought him a meal. In return, he hugged me and groped my ass. FML I agree, your life sucks 43708 You deserved it 6778 98 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By N - United States Today, my best friend told me she wanted to rape my throat. I did not know that was possible. FML I agree, your life sucks 29288 You deserved it 5228 67 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, my mom cut off the legs of all my pants, because she says I don't show enough skin for guys. I'm now forced to wear jaggedly cut shorts that barely cover my thighs until I can buy new ones. FML I agree, your life sucks 55024 You deserved it 5278 147 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I was on the phone with a client, when the gum I was casually chewing fell out of my mouth and down my shirt. While I was trying to dig it out, two of our newest customers walked into the lobby to see what looked like me fondling my breasts. FML I agree, your life sucks 25283 You deserved it 12640 79 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Canada Today, a guy in a fancy car tailed me for twenty minutes, just so he could take a picture of my license plate and tell me there's a $300 fine for flicking cigarette ashes out your window. FML I agree, your life sucks 11911 You deserved it 31411 247 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By promdump - United States Today, I went to visit my Grandmother, accidentally leaving my phone home during the weekend. When I got back I had 2 texts from my crush. One saying "I want to take the most beautiful girl to prom, go with me?" and the other saying, "Fine fattie, I'll ask someone else." FML I agree, your life sucks 79277 You deserved it 7720 98 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By CrawlingUnderARock Today, I discovered that a company has been using a photo of me for one of those "she lost 50 pounds" online ads. I'm the "before" photo. FML I agree, your life sucks 3204 You deserved it 354 17 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By dating a fucking psycho - United States - Hickory Today, I tried to give some change to a homeless man. My girlfriend pulled me away and ranted about how homeless people are all basically bastards who deserve their misfortune, and that I shouldn't give "our" money away. FML I agree, your life sucks 33780 You deserved it 6014 146 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By michael - United States Today, I found out that getting drunk and attempting to take a dump out of a second-story window is a very bad idea. FML I agree, your life sucks 7177 You deserved it 41830 111 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By still broke and jobless - United States Today, I saw a missed call on my phone. Thinking it was one of the multiple jobs I applied for, I called back. Turns out it was just a debt collector. FML I agree, your life sucks 22773 You deserved it 2539 43 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By losingstreak - United States Caught Today, I was looking at porn on my laptop when my mom came into my room to talk to me. After she finished what she was saying, she paused and said, "You know, I can see the reflection of your computer screen in your glasses." FML I agree, your life sucks 10202 You deserved it 37790 41 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Random - Canada - Langley Today, I told my crush, who I've liked for a while, that I liked him. He looked at me in pure terror and walked away. FML I agree, your life sucks 3936 You deserved it 363 9 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By imfucked Today, I found out the paycheck I deposited on Tuesday bounced. This means that the checks I sent to my landlord, the electric and gas company and my mom will also bounce. When I told my boss, we got into an argument over bank fees and he fired me. I had thumped him, though. FML I agree, your life sucks 1524 You deserved it 230 9 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By kay51 - United Kingdom Today, my room-mates were inspired by a TV show to make a "douchebag jar", into which we have to put money every time we say something obnoxious. It seems like I can't open my mouth without having to cough up £10. FML I agree, your life sucks 8741 You deserved it 27336 124 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Egtat216 - United Kingdom - Aberdeen Today, whilst tuning my guitar, one of the steel strings snapped and hit me in the face. Now I'm on my way to my first date with the girl of my dreams, and I'm wearing an eye patch and have a thick red line across my face. FML I agree, your life sucks 15297 You deserved it 1453 94 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By SkinsCastSelection - France Today, I signed my own plaster-cast to make people believe that I actually have friends. FML I agree, your life sucks 29782 You deserved it 7665 78 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By IhadToTakeCareOfTraumatizedFish - United States - Iowa Park Today, while I was working at a sushi restaurant, a guy told me he wanted the table next to the "koi fish tank", because he wanted to let the fish know what happens when they "cross him". FML I agree, your life sucks 21521 You deserved it 2545 69 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By thanks dad - 1/8/2020 02:02 In my day… Today, we were slowly introducing my daughter to the pool to help her get over her terrible fear of water. My father-in-law scoffed, called us pussies, and tossed my daughter straight into the water. When I threw him out, he insisted he was just trying to teach her to swim "the right way." FML I agree, your life sucks 1798 You deserved it 238 12 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By SinkyBalls - Canada Today, I found out my roommate thinks the sink is an appropriate place to wash his junk. FML I agree, your life sucks 27609 You deserved it 2794 152 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By 242795 - United States - Buies Creek Today, after finally deciding to push past my extreme shyness, I talked to the person beside me in class. I was so nervous that when I went to take a sip of my coffee, it slipped out of my hand and splashed all over both of us. Not only did I ruin her white dress, but I also gave her mild burns. FML I agree, your life sucks 12173 You deserved it 1389 26 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 26/11/2020 14:02 That caffeine rush Today, whilst getting ready, I decided to have a strong coffee. Followed by the runs. My hook up arrives in half an hour. FML I agree, your life sucks 608 You deserved it 300 2 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Noname - Canada Today, I was going to confess to my best friend that I am madly in love with her. I called her up only to find her crying. She was upset that she might be pregnant with some guy. FML I agree, your life sucks 38899 You deserved it 2873 47 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By zackeryburch - United States - Los Angeles Today, I was at Basic Training for the Army when I got a package in the mail from my friends back home. You are required to open your packages in front of your drill sergeants and peers at Basic. When I opened it, it was a dildo. FML I agree, your life sucks 66350 You deserved it 6520 95 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By scared shitless in ohio - United States - Dublin Today, I decided to be friendly and say hi to the weird kid at school, who was sitting by himself eating lunch. After I said hello, he stared up at me intensely and said, "I don't have many friends. Yeah. Mainly 'cause I've eaten most of them." FML I agree, your life sucks 43716 You deserved it 5504 139 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By outagrand - Australia Today, I gave my mother a pre-prepared deposit envelope with my fortnightly wage in it, in cash. I tell her exactly where the deposit box is and what to do. I'm now desperately calling the bank because my mother accidentely put my $1200 deposit in the little trash can for receipts under the ATM. FML I agree, your life sucks 47757 You deserved it 13870 161 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ismerf19 Today, I was working in a restaurant. On the receipt under "tip" someone actually took the time to write out "$0.00." FML I agree, your life sucks 29362 You deserved it 7337 155 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Picture game Today, my boyfriend stated that we should play a game where one person asks the other a question, and they answer it with a picture. I thought it sounded fun so I said yes. His first question was, "Do you shave your vagina?" FML I agree, your life sucks 1434 You deserved it 2040 14 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By soccerscout7 Today, I was leaving school to get tested for peptic ulcers, because my stomach has been hurting for a few months. To wish me luck, one of my friends gave me a friendly punch in the stomach. I threw up blood. FML I agree, your life sucks 49676 You deserved it 3144 112 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Annonymous - United States - Fallbrook Today, my water got cut off. The previous homeowners owed the water company over $300, and the company doesn't believe that I'm not them. The supervisor told me this will keep happening until I pay up. I need a shower. FML I agree, your life sucks 46263 You deserved it 2891 74 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By mustanggt - United States - Utica Scandalous! Today, I got marked down in a performance review for not being able to keep my relationship with a coworker a permanent secret. I think if her engagement ring hadn't given it away, eventually the baby bump would've. FML I agree, your life sucks 2766 You deserved it 385 19 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By daybyday - Australia Today, I found out that what I thought could be a life-threatening issue causing me chest pains was only because I over-obsessed about it. Now not only do I have social anxiety, but I get so anxious I can create fake illnesses. FML I agree, your life sucks 24575 You deserved it 6337 145 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I finally convinced a girl that I liked to have sex. I decided to swoop her off the feet like the movies and carry her to my bed. I ended up hitting her head on the door frame, knocking her out. FML I agree, your life sucks 29992 You deserved it 86469 238 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By MissMSE - Canada Today, my friends took my phone and changed all the contact's names to characters from Harry Potter. I have over a hundred contacts and no idea who I'm talking to. I've been texting Draco Malfoy for 4 hours now. FML I agree, your life sucks 27971 You deserved it 4519 0 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By peter - Indonesia Today, it's my birthday. I'm a pastry chef by profession. Not only did my family buy a cake from my bakery, I had to make it myself and inscribe it with 'Happy Birthday Dad'. The worst part is, they asked money from me to pay for it. FML I agree, your life sucks 47642 You deserved it 2969 100 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Ser17 - United States Today, I was preparing food in the microwave. I hadn't noticed that a fly had flown in until I noticed its melted corpse engraved into my hot-pocket. FML I agree, your life sucks 33844 You deserved it 5863 293 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By DanteWest1000 - United States - Papillion Today, I was texting my girlfriend about cross dressing and I said, "It would be hard for me to conceal my weapon." She instantly replied, "Not really, it's like finding a needle in a haystack, you'll be alright." FML I agree, your life sucks 28858 You deserved it 7580 110 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By fme - United States Today, I took the family to the Rainforest Café. There was no parking and I detest paying $12 for valet parking. I parked at Wal-Greens across the street in the only spot without a "patrons only, violators will be towed" sign. It was covered by the tree branches. It cost me $225 for the cab and fine. FML I agree, your life sucks 11656 You deserved it 44138 103 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Houston Today, I found out who's been stealing clothes from me during swim practice. She called me a liar, despite wearing one of my sweaters, which has my initials stitched into it. FML I agree, your life sucks 48419 You deserved it 2761 71 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Mountain View Today, at a public restroom, I caught my extremely eco-friendly daughter, who was on her period, looking through the trash. When I asked why, she said, "Because I'm looking for pads to use. It'll mean less garbage." I then had to lecture her in the public restroom about health and hygiene. FML I agree, your life sucks 27383 You deserved it 2562 132 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Darice - 8/8/2020 05:03 Mom of the year Today, after years of not speaking with my birth mother, I took a chance and stopped to talk to her when I saw her outside of her house. Five minutes into it, I knew I needed my hair recolored and that I'm out of shape, this all being said by a totally gray haired fat woman. FML I agree, your life sucks 1350 You deserved it 125 0 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By SingleStrongArm - Canada - Oshawa Today, marks the third week in which my girlfriend has gone without taking a shower. She does this every so often, taking showers roughly once per month. She's convinced baby wipes will "hold her over". FML I agree, your life sucks 58588 You deserved it 9740 193 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Grauncho | 26 #5765562 - Saturday 23 November 2013 19:39 Looks like he got dessert with that meal. Send a private message 248 3 Reply
By xtna | 9 #5765576 - Saturday 23 November 2013 19:42 The ass grope. By definition the best way to thank someone. Send a private message 94 3 Reply
By Grauncho | 26 #5765562 - Saturday 23 November 2013 19:39 Looks like he got dessert with that meal. Send a private message 248 3 Reply
Reply Adree | 15 #5765595 - Saturday 23 November 2013 19:45 A piece of ass cake Send a private message 8 45 Reply
Reply euphoricness | 28 #5765646 - Saturday 23 November 2013 20:11 A piece of dildo soup Send a private message 3 49 Reply
Reply MrSassypants | 32 #5765690 - Saturday 23 November 2013 20:42 11 and 23 wha... wha... what? And why? Send a private message 44 1 Reply
Reply Gingerette | 8 #5765699 - Saturday 23 November 2013 20:50 Don't ask, Mr. Sassypants.. Send a private message 21 1 Reply
Reply 8born8 | 18 #5765748 - Saturday 23 November 2013 21:37 11 & 23 the sheer stupidity of your comments gave me a headache. Send a private message 5 24 Reply
Reply fucMyLifeSoHard | 18 #5765787 - Saturday 23 November 2013 22:07 23- Pray tell, how do you have a piece of soup? Send a private message 30 1 Reply
Reply Soloman212 | 28 #5765790 - Saturday 23 November 2013 22:08 Dildo soup, no less. Send a private message 3 12 Reply
Reply LowExpectations | 30 #5765843 - Saturday 23 November 2013 22:52 (Zoidberg voice) What's this? Two meals in one week? Send a private message 20 3 Reply
Reply XypherDubstep | 8 #5766273 - Sunday 24 November 2013 6:52 I could not find a more perfect comment Send a private message 1 1 Reply
By lickastick | 27 #5765563 - Saturday 23 November 2013 19:39 Looks like you gave him more than a meal ;) Send a private message 78 3 Reply
Reply gc327072 | 29 #5765930 - Sunday 24 November 2013 0:46 A meal and a feel! "Do you want the combo?" "Yes… yeeessss…" Send a private message 32 0 Reply
By Gittoh | 21 #5765564 - Saturday 23 November 2013 19:40 better something than nothing I guess Send a private message 5 23 Reply
Reply onlychildFTW | 33 #5766097 - Sunday 24 November 2013 3:42 I'll take the nothing thanks. Send a private message 10 0 Reply
By addioty | 19 #5765573 - Saturday 23 November 2013 19:41 He got a little bit of dessert, eh? Send a private message 13 40 Reply
Reply Snorlax_Snarf | 10 #5765762 - Saturday 23 November 2013 21:46 Wow Many down votes Much sadness. Send a private message 11 27 Reply
Reply kxxjoejoexxk | 8 #5765973 - Sunday 24 November 2013 1:44 Am I the only one who understands that if you say something out of context its not funny? Send a private message 2 10 Reply
Reply angiemarie96 | 25 #5766019 - Sunday 24 November 2013 3:00 #47 When doing "doge speak" Wow ALWAYS comes last :P Send a private message 10 6 Reply
Reply Snorlax_Snarf | 10 #5766115 - Sunday 24 November 2013 3:57 Many downvotes Much sadness Wow ;D there Send a private message 6 2 Reply
Reply addioty | 19 #5766286 - Sunday 24 November 2013 7:15 Fuck, someone posted right before me as I was still typing and I just now saw it. Oops. Send a private message 4 7 Reply
By xtna | 9 #5765576 - Saturday 23 November 2013 19:42 The ass grope. By definition the best way to thank someone. Send a private message 94 3 Reply
Reply MrSassypants | 32 #5765692 - Saturday 23 November 2013 20:44 That's what I'm saying!.... I am not holding up in court so well, however. Send a private message 26 0 Reply
By beaglegal | 42 #5765578 - Saturday 23 November 2013 19:42 It's the thought that counts! Send a private message 34 3 Reply
Reply CallMeMcFeelii | 13 #5765771 - Saturday 23 November 2013 21:56 I don't understand what everyone's problem with homeless people grabbing their ass is about. I go around grabbing homeless people's asses all the time. They never complain about it! Send a private message 14 3 Reply
Reply beaglegal | 42 #5765822 - Saturday 23 November 2013 22:27 Omg you just won the internet #51 Send a private message 2 13 Reply
By Awesomeaxel | 24 #5765581 - Saturday 23 November 2013 19:42 Homeless guy got two birds with one stone. A meal and a couple of butt squeezes. Send a private message 5 20 Reply
By scottyspot | 11 #5765583 - Saturday 23 November 2013 19:43 You made his day, so he was simply trying to make yours better! Send a private message 24 1 Reply
By 67FML | 5 #5765584 - Saturday 23 November 2013 19:43 Does that qualify as a date? Send a private message 40 2 Reply
By truesarrif | 33 #5765592 - Saturday 23 November 2013 19:45 No good deed goes unpunished. Send a private message 19 4 Reply
Today, I had to resort to telling my boyfriend that I have a praise kink, just so that he would actually compliment me. FML I agree, your life sucks 619 You deserved it 182 2 Comments
Today, I had a huge argument with my wife because I declined a lunch invite with a married couple who live nearby. My wife has severe social anxiety, so... I agree, your life sucks 1090 You deserved it 169 11 Comments