Love: Today, as I was filling out divorce paperwork, I realized that...

By Username - 12/05/2011 11:09

Today, as I was filling out divorce paperwork, I realized that my son has had the same girlfriend through both of my marriages. He's 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 819

You deserved it 57 045

Love

Best teeth in the game

You tried

Give me strength

By Anonymous - 03/11/2015 17:54 - United States

Today, I found out that aside from being savagely overworked and treated like shit for zero pay, another one of my responsibilities as an intern is to take the blame for my boss accidentally posting a link to a porn site on the company's Twitter account. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 038

You deserved it 1 811

By Anonymous - 09/01/2015 16:30 - United States - Kansas City

Today, after paying a job coach a load of money for his services, pretty much the only advice he gave me was "Send out more résumés." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 148

You deserved it 4 980

By Anonymous - 31/05/2016 15:30 - Canada - Saint John

Today, I fell down the stairs while holding some dirty glasses from my room. I ended up pulling pieces of glass from my body. Meanwhile all my mom cares about is the fact that I broke three of her favorite glasses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 178

You deserved it 1 816

By -_- - 07/10/2015 11:29 - United States - San Francisco

Today, at a soccer game held by my girlfriend's family, some idiot went to kick the ball, missed by a mile, and hit the ground hard. So I started a slow, sarcastic clap. I got a load of angry looks, followed by verbal abuse when we found out he'd split his head open on the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 950

You deserved it 32 319

By Anonymous - 27/07/2012 19:04 - Norway - Rakkestad

Today, my daughter proudly showed me her new tattoo sleeve, which is made up of an angry cupcake, hemp leaves, and a My Little Pony character. She's almost 30, still unemployed, and still lives in my home. I now have no hope of her ever becoming a productive member of society. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 235

You deserved it 8 318

Child's play

By knew that kid looked familiar - 06/10/2021 17:00

Today, I took my kids to the park. I saw my daughter playing with a kid who looked familiar. Turns out he was my ex’s son, whom I haven’t seen in years. I thought it was cute they played so well together, until my ex’s new girlfriend came over, screaming that I was trying to use my kid to get to her man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 154

You deserved it 132

By AwkwardPotato - 02/07/2013 02:37 - United States - Bakersfield

Today, my mom signed me up for a swimming class to show my sister there's nothing to be afraid of. Considering I'm 17, I assumed I'd be in an advanced class. Instead, I get to spend summer blowing bubbles in the shallow end with four-year-olds as my little sister cheers me on from the steps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 857

You deserved it 3 742

By anoymus - 31/05/2009 02:37 - United States

Today, I was driving to the local market with my son. We approached a vehicle that looked just like my fiancé's. My son peered out his window and said, "Mommy, daddy's getting kidnapped!" It seems he was being 'kidnapped' by his new girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 846

You deserved it 3 253

IT'S ALL TOO MUCH!

By scott - 10/06/2020 20:08

Today, my daughter had an anxiety attack. Why? Because I told her she needs to be making her bed every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 270

You deserved it 341

By scalmon - 13/05/2011 17:08 - United States

Today, while making love to my wife, I let slip her sister's name. I don't think it would calm her down much if I told the truth: I was actually thinking of an ex girlfriend who shares the same name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 341

You deserved it 67 319

By quadropheniac - 09/06/2009 16:18 - United States

Today, I walked into the bathroom and found my sister cleaning her vibrator. With my toothbrush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 128 288

You deserved it 8 076

By gkid92 - 16/08/2011 16:16 - Canada

Today, I found out that if I don't get fillings in at least ten of my teeth within the next year, I could lose them all. I'm 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 418

You deserved it 42 976

By Anonymous - 13/01/2011 21:10 - Lebanon

Today, I was having sex with my fiancé when he stopped and said, "Boy, what I wouldn't give for a burger right now." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 288

You deserved it 4 963

By Anonymous - 19/02/2010 20:27 - United States

Today, my friends told me, "Don't worry about your bad acne. It kind of looks like the pattern the avatars have on their heads." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 368

You deserved it 2 723

By Loser - 21/08/2013 15:17 - United States

Today, I got my girlfriend to play Smash Bros Brawl with me. As it was her first time, I set up handicaps to give her at least a shot at winning. She won, quite handily. A little irritated at this, I took off the handicaps and tried again. She beat me even faster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 687

You deserved it 26 200

People of Walmart

By Anonymous - 21/01/2015 14:34 - United States

Today, at Walmart, a crazy old woman bitched me out for being pregnant. She kept following me around, calling me a stupid teen slut and saying she hoped my baby died so I could live a "normal life." I'm 26 and just very short. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 869

You deserved it 2 694

By kaheera4 - 04/04/2014 22:38 - United States

Today, my mom visited, and I left her for a few minutes while I used the bathroom. While I was stuck taking a crap, she went on one of her religious rants, telling my children that Easter was off this year because their precious "pagan" Easter Bunny had been murdered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 068

You deserved it 3 975

By purged - 08/06/2013 23:43 - United States - Mechanicsville

Today, my boyfriend and I watched the new movie "The Purge." After the movie, I jokingly asked him that if the U.S. had such a purge in real life, would he participate, and who would he kill first. Without missing a beat, he said, "you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 007

You deserved it 8 630

Rollercoaster

By Margaret - 04/09/2020 02:02 - Canada - Toronto

Today, within the span of one day, the owner of the business I work at said I could write "Technical & Compliance Manager" on paperwork where I was the approver for engineered compliance of product regulatory records, but also that I was "basically just a secretary." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 046

You deserved it 170

By sashimieater - 31/05/2011 01:59 - United States

Today, it was the last day of school. My students shared what they thought of me. Expecting to hear wonderful things, all of their complaints can be summed up in a few words: I'm a liar, a killer of dreams, I need to grow up, and I was a big disappointment to them. I'm a first-year teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 277

You deserved it 14 606

By WTF? - 01/04/2011 15:55 - United Kingdom

Today, I caught my boyfriend secretly using my hair straightener while I was in the other room. Too embarrassed to talk to him about it, I left and came back later, only to discover him slipping on a pair of my panties. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 817

You deserved it 8 169

By mississippi123 - 06/08/2012 05:41 - United States - Fullerton

Today, I discovered how pathetically introverted I am when during a car ride with my family, I said, "I really like this song" and my parents gasped because they didn't realize I was in the back seat. And I'm their only child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 943

You deserved it 2 525

By Anon - 23/07/2017 05:00

Today, I went camping. The night was calm and quiet, so we went to our separate tents to sleep. I closed my eyes, listening to the distant waves and my father playing porn in the tent beside me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 034

You deserved it 447

By NeverGonnaGetIt - 27/04/2019 12:00 - United States - Wayne

Today, I went on my 56th job interview since graduating from college 3 months ago. I am 31 years old and I spent 11 years in college. I only graduated with a Bachelor's Degree after all those years, but I am still not qualified for anything due to how long it took me to complete my degree. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 862

You deserved it 1 462

By Widowmaker - 09/08/2010 04:03 - France

Today, I told my father I registered for the Marines, and that I'm leaving for bootcamp next week. He asked if this means that he doesn't have to pay child support anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 339

You deserved it 3 496

By dogbreederssuck - 03/02/2015 15:26 - United Kingdom - Ormskirk

Today, at work, I had to tell a woman that there is no such thing as a "pedigree Beahuahuadoodle", and that she'd essentially paid $500 for a mutt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 433

You deserved it 2 847

Insurance is a racket

By Chriso - 17/11/2009 11:48 - Australia

Today, I was finally discharged from hospital after being in there for one month, I arrive home to find a letter from a debt collection agency for my unpaid car insurance premium, and another letter from my car insurer to say that they aren't covering my accident due to non payment of premium. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 347

You deserved it 3 938

By birdiebeth13 - 10/04/2013 17:41 - United States - Chippewa Falls

Today, after my shift at the hospital ended, I happened to look into a full-length mirror. My new scrubs turned out to be see-through. Instead of my undies, everyone got a good look at my cellulite-ridden ass. Fan-fucking-tastic day to wear a thong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 513

You deserved it 18 494

By Toaster - 30/07/2009 15:11 - United States

Today, my 8 year old little sister said "f you" to my mom. My mom thought I told her to say that and grounded me for a month. Later, my sister came up to me and said "Gotcha, bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 600

You deserved it 4 118

By Hungryman - 15/01/2010 21:30 - France

Today, I ordered a Diet Coke with my meal from a fast food restaurant. Turns out, they didn't give me diet. My blood sugar spiked and I was sick for hours later. I'm a diabetic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 310

You deserved it 8 231

By SarahNB - 01/03/2014 21:09 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, after paying at the gas station, the cashier stuck out her hand, which was clenched into a fist. I thought she wanted a fist-bump, so I gave her one. She just stared back at me. Turns out she was just trying to give me my change. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 019

You deserved it 16 550

By toametru1 - 09/11/2016 07:08 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I mockingly made "President Trump" jokes all day to my friends, knowing Clinton was bound to win the election. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 126

You deserved it 8 932

By thebrokentardis - 22/09/2014 06:45 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I got hit by a car while riding my bike to work. In the hospital, every single nurse lectured me about how I wouldn't be here if I wore a helmet, which I'm sure would be really helpful to my broken leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 593

You deserved it 5 274

By Anonymous - 02/04/2016 00:30 - Germany - Titisee-neustadt

Today, I'm the only grandchild who regularly visits, calls and runs errands for my grandparents, even though I live two hours away. I'm also their biggest disappointment because I'm not married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 880

You deserved it 1 609

Get on with it

By Anonymous - 11/01/2011 18:46 - United States

Today, my baby-crazy mother expressed her concerns that I haven't conceived after a whole two months of marriage. Her advice amounted to "get divorced while you're still hot, sleep around until you get pregnant, then marry the winner." When I complained to my father, he supported her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 300

You deserved it 3 160

Where it is?

By Anonymous - 10/02/2020 01:00

Today, my girlfriend and I were doing the deed when she suddenly said, "Hold on babe, I think my nose ring fell out." After she couldn't find it for a minute, she said "I'm sure it's on the bed somewhere." Immediately after that, she yelled, "OH MY GOD I JUST SWALLOWED IT." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 663

You deserved it 264

Session done!

By Anonymous - 05/02/2020 05:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I thought it would be fun to have a sex session with my boyfriend. I sent him a suggestive message, and 30 minutes later he texted me back to let me know he was done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 249

You deserved it 318

School project [gone sexual]

By Cail - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had to give a presentation about Adolf Hitler. I wanted to point out that he was a good speaker, and could incite passion in a crowd. Instead, what came out was, "Hitler's oral skills made everyone go wild with excitement." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 192

You deserved it 67 549

By bob - 07/02/2011 06:52 - Canada

Today, I found out that FedEx delivered my $700 package to the wrong person. The person who signed for it didn't even spell my name right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 354

You deserved it 2 598

By Anonymous - 11/05/2009 06:21 - United States

Today, I called my mom while she was out of town and confessed how I have been depressed lately and thinking suicidal thoughts. After my long sob story, she took a breath and said, "OK, just make sure you don't forget to take the dogs out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 634

You deserved it 5 673

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Top comments

spazticechidna 2

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Thursday 12 May 2011 19:17

Good for him for being able to stay in better relationships then you.

Death_From_Above 0

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Thursday 12 May 2011 19:17

how many times u plan on getting married. damn

Death_From_Above 0

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Thursday 12 May 2011 19:17

how many times u plan on getting married. damn

manzanita2121 6

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Thursday 12 May 2011 20:52

until my green card is approved... oh you mean op? yeah who knows.

Predental 5

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Thursday 12 May 2011 21:09

lol 65 my friend's mom did that.

m00sh 0

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Thursday 12 May 2011 22:16

getting married twice isn't a lot. maybe the third time is, though.

DeadxManxWalking 27

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Thursday 12 May 2011 23:13

you know what they say: "Third times the charm"

tjv3 10

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Friday 13 May 2011 1:49

two different husbands same end result? the single common factor is you...hmm

itsbryn 0

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Friday 13 May 2011 8:19

pretty sure marriage is supposed to be a one time deal. for better or worse is some sort of vow or something? or am i just old fashioned.

darseidia 0

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Friday 13 May 2011 13:51

naw, you just old fashion.

pcentral 17

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Monday 11 June 2012 15:55

Haha and people are against gay marriage why, exactly??? :s

ChaoticQuiet 11

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Wednesday 4 June 2014 15:34

Excellent point

spazticechidna 2

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Thursday 12 May 2011 19:17

Good for him for being able to stay in better relationships then you.

boredSOLDIER 33

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Thursday 12 May 2011 20:08

that's cuz he don't live with her, bet they won't last if they did (I'm referring to the son and gf)

KiddNYC1O 20

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Thursday 12 May 2011 22:21

Then and than have distinctive meanings. Just saying.

alice_18 16

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Sunday 1 March 2015 20:43

I wonder how many times OP told her son he is too young to know what love is

BlueEyesAsian 0

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Thursday 12 May 2011 19:18

Indian fag

instnt1nfction 17

Thursday 12 May 2011 19:18

wait, the invisible girlfriend or the one that is never there?

TiNyBuBbLeZ 0

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Friday 13 May 2011 0:56

just shut the fuck up

johnnie254 7

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Friday 13 May 2011 4:36

agree^^ stay on topic dipshit

caribbeanBeauty 0

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Friday 13 May 2011 12:53

lmaooo wat the hell is only makin a joke.. so y don't yu shut the fuk up n take a chil pill

ProhibitionRose 14

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Friday 13 May 2011 13:35

do you speak the way you type? ignorant bitch.

Slipknot666Maggo 0

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Saturday 14 May 2011 8:37

or cover up your tits. (: and yes, learn proper English.

JessieMongoose 11

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Thursday 7 July 2011 9:23

165 - Learn2English.

xoCOURTNIEox 0

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Thursday 12 May 2011 19:19

well you need to take advice from your son !

ppatty 0

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Thursday 12 May 2011 19:33

well said^ lol

xoCOURTNIEox 0

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Thursday 12 May 2011 19:47

thank you :)

ppatty 0

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Thursday 12 May 2011 19:52

ur welcome

helloello 2

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Thursday 12 May 2011 19:54

heyoooooo 

Mrnason26 0

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Thursday 12 May 2011 21:08

I agree wit u she should some pointers

bernard919lewis 0

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Thursday 12 May 2011 23:06

 just felt like I should add something...

wat11115 0

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Friday 13 May 2011 0:57

patty is choppin

ppatty 0

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Friday 13 May 2011 1:51

choppin?? lol

livin_plur 0

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Friday 13 May 2011 6:02

choppin it up wit the hot blonde basically just means talkin

wat11115 0

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Friday 13 May 2011 8:07

nah it's like tryin to get in bet wit her

claireful 4

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Friday 13 May 2011 8:22

^ perv

ppatty 0

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Friday 13 May 2011 14:28

wow lol Alrity then. but I'm just really bored

Bobissmall 13

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Thursday 12 May 2011 19:20

I thought the point was that he is getting through wives fast

shellzy 20

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Thursday 12 May 2011 19:20

What I can glean through context in this post is that you probably wait all of one year to get married and when that didn't work the first time, you did the same thing again. You're obviously a genius. Take a lesson from your son.

DjeePee 24

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Thursday 12 May 2011 20:22

Or he was married for, let's say, 15 years, divorced, and remarried a year after that, whilst the boyfriend had his girlfriend on the age of 14, till now (rare, but they exist.) Then it would be just one quick marriage. We can only guess, but whatever the case might be, it's always a good idea to wait a couple of years before marriage. I also have the feeling that OP waited only one year, and boy, that's short.

bachooka 5

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Friday 13 May 2011 2:02

marriages can be quick. OP probably was married, cheated, divorced, married the person they cheated with... and then was surprised when that didn't work out... because you know it was a relationship based on honesty! lol.

ceddyz17 10

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Thursday 12 May 2011 19:21

take notes learn from the master

CAPTmok 7

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Thursday 12 May 2011 19:50

The son having a longer relationship then his mother doesn't necessarily mean that his relationship has been long

ChaoticQuiet 11

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Wednesday 4 June 2014 15:36

It was still longER

amh721 0

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Thursday 12 May 2011 19:22

That's what you get for rushing into marriages. Why don't people stop and think before marrying the first moron that walks by. You sound like trailer trash.

gabbiechaoss 5

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Thursday 12 May 2011 19:22

so? at least hes able to keep a relationship and isnt following your example (or your ex husbands). he could be going through girls like a homeless person goes through garbage.

leearm104 4

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Friday 13 May 2011 7:33

that was op's point, dipshit.

ChaoticQuiet 11

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Wednesday 4 June 2014 15:38

No... That wasn't OP's point... OP's point was to convey how pathetic it was that his/her son could hold down a steady relationship longer than the OP him/herself.