Miscellaneous: Today, as a prank, a friend and I tied a 10 dollar bill to a...

By Jackassed - 12/05/2011 17:53 - United States

Today, as a prank, a friend and I tied a 10 dollar bill to a fishing line, and yanked it away from people as they reached for it. It was going really well until one of our victims pulled a knife and chased us around the block. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 497

You deserved it 59 057

Miscellaneous

Dysfunctional

Must be one hell of a novel

Are you a wizard?

Admission time

By peeoncarl1111 - 29/01/2011 01:06 - United States

Today, I got my wisdom teeth cut out. While my girlfriend was driving me home, I, still being high on the laughing gas, accidentally admitted to cheating on her. She was kind enough to wait until the numbness wore off before she punched me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 465

You deserved it 120 361

Double standard

By Anonymous - 09/01/2012 05:01 - United States

Today, I spent five hours sobbing in my room due to antidepressant withdrawal. My mother refused to come and talk to me, because I'm "a terrible, hateful child who only cares about herself." Last week, I spent two hours comforting her because my brother hadn't called in a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 119

You deserved it 3 671

By JCruz411 - 21/01/2010 13:10 - France

Today, I talked to my ex on AIM after not speaking to her since we broke up two years ago. The conversation lead up to her asking how I feel about her. So I poured my heart and soul out to her, because I still love her. She immediately logged off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 019

You deserved it 32 722

By Optimist - 04/08/2009 08:26 - Canada

Today, I found out I have an option on my phone to postpone the sending of my text messages. I thought it would be cute to send my boyfriend texts saying, " I love you and sweet dreams" every night at midnight for a month. He broke up with me and I can't figure out how to stop the texts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 777

You deserved it 25 897

By Anonymous - 24/04/2014 15:30 - United States - Fayetteville

Today, I received a friend request on Facebook from a girl I've had a crush on for a while. As I was about to accept it, it vanished. She explained later that she clicked on my name by accident, and didn't actually want to be friends at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 525

You deserved it 4 005

By Elsine - 02/10/2018 13:30

Today, after having to move home with my parents because I'm broke and can't seem to find a job, my mom found out I'm on anti-depressants. She and my dad will no longer be helping with money because she doesn't like "drugs". FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 219

You deserved it 230

By Anonymous - 18/06/2016 16:16 - United States - Bell

Today, my son was crying because he wanted his daddy, and he asked when he can see him. I had no idea what to say, given his dad left us in the middle of the night last year, now lives in another country, and told me he never wants to see us again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 999

You deserved it 1 644

Take care

By Buyingagun - 08/04/2020 05:00

Today, I looked out the window just in time to see a coyote carrying off my cat that I had just let outside five minutes before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 268

You deserved it 516

Nerves, dear?

By First date - 30/03/2021 02:00

Today, on my first date with a guy I really like, I threw up not once, not twice, but three times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 800

You deserved it 112

By Anonymous - 29/06/2013 15:09 - United States - Beacon

Today, my boyfriend called me pretty. Not because he actually thinks I'm pretty, but because "Hey, how else is a guy supposed to get laid?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 915

You deserved it 7 013

By Anonymous - 26/09/2010 09:26 - Vietnam

Today, I finally had the confidence to show my girlfriend my hairy chest/stomach. I'm very self conscious about it, and get embarrassed easily. She said I looked disgusting, called me Chewbacca and broke up with me on the spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 226

You deserved it 7 135

Panic buying? What panic buying?

By Paul Rushing - 19/03/2020 15:00

Today, at the supermarket where I work, we had at least 40 people waiting outside for us to open our doors at 7:00 a.m. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 597

You deserved it 260

Smart kid

By bleredoshia - 08/04/2010 04:27 - New Zealand

Today, after church, my 5-year-old son asked me about God, so I answered his questions in full. We talked about God for over 2 hours. At the end of it all, he pondered for a moment, before saying to me, "That's the stupidest thing I ever heard. You're dumb." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 520

You deserved it 61 915

By Anonymous - 10/03/2013 22:37 - United States - Denison

Today, my boyfriend drove me back home. My dad was sitting on the porch in his underwear, with his shotgun in his lap. He stroked the gun, looked my boyfriend dead in the eyes, and slowly shook his head. Now my boyfriend refuses to see me for his own safety. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 102

You deserved it 4 359

By Anonymous - 08/09/2012 09:57 - United States

Today, after 3 nights of insomnia, I was finally able to doze off. My boyfriend woke me up just to ask which soda in the fridge was mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 334

You deserved it 2 076

By Mikey832 - 09/08/2010 13:24 - United Kingdom

Today, my brother's girlfriend and my girlfriend went out shopping. My brother's girlfriend bought a pair of killer black heels and a box of condoms. My girlfriend bought a pair of orange Crocs and a vibrator. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 803

You deserved it 14 766

By ohemgee23 - 19/02/2010 05:31 - United States

Today, my little sister walked in on me and my boyfriend. I told her I would give her 10$ if she just pretended it never happened. She agreed, walked out and shut the door. Later, when my parents arrived, she yells: "Nicole and Joe were naked upstairs!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 490

You deserved it 20 703

By nobodywasthere - 29/11/2017 01:30

Today, I explained to my teacher that I wasn't at school yesterday due to three doctor appointments for my moderate epilepsy. Yesterday was senior skip day. She gave me detention for lying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 180

You deserved it 408

By BigBangCheater - 01/04/2012 10:08 - United States - Loves Park

Today, I had my first free night in months. I spent it doing homework and watching TV. I had set my Facebook status to say I was spending time with the boys from The Big Bang Theory, then fell asleep. I woke up later to an angry text from my boyfriend thinking I was cheating on him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 683

You deserved it 5 025

By Grossed Out - 29/12/2011 08:16 - United States

Today, my mother got incredibly drunk. She told me that only "sluts and whores" shave their pubes. She then told me that she's never once trimmed or shaved her pubes, because she's "moral." Thanks for that mental image, mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 720

You deserved it 3 088

By dannyboy - 30/03/2012 16:44 - United Kingdom - Saint Austell

Today, an old lady savagely shoved me out of a queue, after I'd been waiting for twenty minutes. I couldn't bring myself to fight back or say anything, and ended up dragging my sorry arse to the back of the queue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 352

You deserved it 14 778

Copycat

By Anonymous - 23/10/2021 05:00 - Canada - Enderby

Today, my father-in-law announced the name of his new son, my husband's half-brother. The first name and last name is the same as our son, who I gave birth to 4 months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 031

You deserved it 67

By Jaided_Genetics - 17/08/2016 04:20 - Canada - Kingston

Today, I finally addressed why my boyfriend started calling me "love bug" since we haven't used pet names in the entirety of our 2 year relationship. His response? "because I love you but you bug the shit out of me. It seemed appropriate." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 443

You deserved it 2 649

By dangyo - 26/01/2009 17:38 - United States

Today, my dad learned how to use the parental controls. I now have an 11 o'clock curfew. I am 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 340

You deserved it 7 050

By Anonymous - 11/01/2013 19:47 - United States - Simi Valley

Today, one of my paintings was accepted into a local art gallery. It would've been a dream come true, had my "best friend" not submitted it under her own name and taken all the credit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 276

You deserved it 3 015

By sewdevastated - 18/05/2016 02:02 - United States - Fremont

Today, I found out that my mother intentionally donated the quilt that I had made for her, because, "It didn't match anything". That was $70 worth of fabric and 7 and a half weeks spent on that handiwork of mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 009

You deserved it 957

Gotcha good

By fuck you, dad - 08/02/2014 20:54 - United States - Bellflower

Today, my family and I were celebrating my dad's birthday. The two of us were standing by the pool chatting, and I jokingly said "You're old now." I suppose I should have expected him to shove me into the pool, my phone still in hand, and retort, "You're soaked now." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 781

You deserved it 18 612

By Anonymous - 31/12/2011 08:44 - United States

Today, my favorite fish died. To make things better my parents thought to take me out to dinner. We ate sushi. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 525

You deserved it 6 626

Fetch!

By Anonymous - 07/04/2020 17:00

Today, my boyfriend and I were throwing a toy for his dog. He threw it, and I turned my head in that direction, looking for almost a minute before realizing he didn't actually throw it. He's still amused because, "even the dog was smart enough not to fall for that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 315

You deserved it 775

By Anonymous - 09/10/2015 06:39 - United States - Flagstaff

Today, at age 27, I went to pick up the girl I like for my first ever date. Her brother answered the door with a baseball bat, said the date was off and threatened to smash my kneecaps to pieces if I ever came back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 182

You deserved it 1 869

By Anonymous - 20/05/2009 05:18 - United States

Today, my husband was leaving for a long business trip to Germany. As he was leaving, my daughter started crying. "Don't leave me with her !' she said. 'Take me with you !' FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 749

You deserved it 8 899

By MitchFail - 23/07/2009 06:42 - United States

Today, in the midst of foreplay, this girl tells me I am so hot, I respond "Ditto." She heatedly responds "I love ditto," to which I suavely reply "I didn't know you were into Pokémon. That may make you even sexier." She knows nothing about Pokémon, but I sure know how to kill the mood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 667

You deserved it 73 916

Functioning

By Violet - 19/04/2011 09:50 - Australia

Today, I realised that what I had thought was my dad's default state for the past 17 years is actually his drunken state. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 222

You deserved it 3 378

Laissez-faire capitalism

By Anonymous - 17/04/2021 11:01 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, my Facebook account is deactivated and I don't think they are going to give me my account balance of $855 on Marketplace. So, I'm out my items, shipping costs and the profit I would have made. Facebook Marketplace is a scam. I'm so depressed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 876

You deserved it 180

By CheatedOn - 14/02/2010 15:19 - Romania

Today, my girlfriend and I broke up. The reason? She slept with four men while I was two weeks away visiting my brother. She told me it was because she missed me so much. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 550

You deserved it 2 380

Thanks guys

By Anonymous - 03/03/2021 14:30 - United States - Alexandria

Today I was offered an opportunity on Instagram from a local lady to take photos of her home for her. I told my friends, because I was shocked. They were shocked too. But in the nicest terms possible, they were shocked because my Instagram "isn’t really professional enough to get such offers." Ouch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 744

You deserved it 138

You're in the army now, oh ohoh

By Anonymous - 01/07/2020 17:03

Today, my dad set the smoke alarm off at 6 a.m. as a "practice drill." I was woken up so suddenly, I fell out of bed into the bucket of sick I had been throwing up into the night before due to flu. Dad yelled at me for not getting out of the house in time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 560

You deserved it 125

By abbacjt - 16/01/2009 17:51 - United States

Today, I sent my sister a text about how fat I was becoming and looking as disgusting as my ex husband. When I checked to see if she had received it I saw that I had accidentally sent it to my ex father in law. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 749

You deserved it 26 590

By Anonymous - 02/08/2011 00:59 - United States

Today, my grandmother updated her will. Previously, it denied inheritance to family members with non-white spouses, and any mixed-raced children. Now it does the same with politically correct terminology. She then bragged about how accepting she is in front of my Korean husband and our daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 794

You deserved it 3 651

By scoobses - 02/10/2015 00:45 - United States

Today, my pain-in-the-ass co-worker is finally leaving. Unfortunately, I was chosen to do the bulk of her job. She has given me no training and on her last day, just smirked at me on her way out and say, "Enjoy doing my job too, fucker". I don't get paid enough for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 788

You deserved it 1 880

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Top comments

Kikitann 9

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Thursday 12 May 2011 22:44

you made me lol at 1am. damn you.

Captain_Obvious2_fml 6

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Friday 13 May 2011 2:21

not to be a spelling nazi but you said loose as in her vag was loose instead of lose like lose blood. lets see how many -1 i can get

Kikitann 9

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Thursday 12 May 2011 22:44

you made me lol at 1am. damn you.

johnson94 5

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Thursday 12 May 2011 22:58

what if... the man was pulling a prank on y'all! what an ending with a twist! :O

sterlingarcher 1

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Friday 13 May 2011 0:03

ahaha haha that's what you get

kruzito 0

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Friday 13 May 2011 0:39

He was just trying to play tag. Except when you loose you loose a couple pints of blood as well.

Tsunami87 17

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Friday 13 May 2011 0:49

maybe dropping the 10 dollars would have been a good idea!

Captain_Obvious2_fml 6

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Friday 13 May 2011 2:21

not to be a spelling nazi but you said loose as in her vag was loose instead of lose like lose blood. lets see how many -1 i can get

fightin4fun 0

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Friday 13 May 2011 2:36

LMAO! that's what you get!

dolphincheddar 10

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Friday 13 May 2011 2:42

don't pull pranks in harlem new york

fl0ffy 0

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Friday 13 May 2011 4:52

hahahaha this is one of my fave FMLs I think it is because something like this would probably happen to me

DuRpY 5

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Friday 13 May 2011 11:57

there's a mnemonic for you: her loose vag was losing blood... (i'm going to get more - than you)

kingsamuelcdt 0

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Thursday 12 May 2011 22:44

lol you fail

Mustardnight 3

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Friday 13 May 2011 0:51

bitches aint nothin but tricks and hoes - gandhi

WavinFlag 3

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Friday 13 May 2011 1:48

epic fail

FreakoHolm 6

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Friday 13 May 2011 8:38

Nigga, please

SmallyBigs 9

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Friday 13 May 2011 22:55

If you have a fishing pole... and he has a knife... and there's 2 of you...

6969awesome 0

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Saturday 14 May 2011 5:07

Your mums abortion failed

OceanBreathesSal 5

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Sunday 15 May 2011 23:04

your dads condom failed :)

alychick 5

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Tuesday 19 June 2012 17:24

You don't say? Thanks Captain Fucking obvious.

Kikitann 9

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Thursday 12 May 2011 22:44

you made me lol at 1am. damn you.

hollylollyxoxo 0

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Thursday 12 May 2011 22:45

LOL well you were going fishing, at least you caught something =P

Bbhd05 0

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Tuesday 25 October 2011 2:45

A tip for op: don't do stupid shit in the ghetto.

amazinglyHappy 6

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Thursday 12 May 2011 22:45

pshhh 10 dollars is cheap, I'd go for 20 then I'd chase you round the block ;)

IdontWanna69 8

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Thursday 12 May 2011 23:07

It was probably a hobo though, that $10 could buy a decent amount of beer, or maybe a few cheap meals.

amazinglyHappy 6

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Thursday 12 May 2011 23:25

Ahhh good point!! hehe poor Hobo I feel bad now :P

timetoshare 0

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Thursday 12 May 2011 23:35

or drugs which is why you don't give the money instead give them food or socks and stuff like that

LaughterofCorn 4

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Friday 13 May 2011 1:11

woah deja vu

urdirtyolduncle 15

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Friday 13 May 2011 7:19

Probably the very same hobo mentioned in one of the top FMLs where he chased the OP for six blocks with a knife; he's infamously known for carrying a knife.

Zeek63 0

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Friday 13 May 2011 14:25

Your not supposed to run with a knife well at least when he is on the ground bleeding to death you will have the last laugh

amazinglyHappy 6

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Thursday 12 May 2011 22:45

pshhh 10 dollars is cheap, I'd go for 20 then I'd chase you round the block ;)

TheDrifter 23

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Thursday 12 May 2011 22:47

At least he didn't catch you. Could have been a much worse fml.

Every1luvsfmls 6

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Thursday 12 May 2011 22:58

there would be no FML lol

bamxitsxandreaa 8

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Thursday 12 May 2011 23:23

hahaha ^ true.

FarSide 22

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Friday 13 May 2011 3:42

FMC. Fu*k My Corpse.

Calyx_fml 21

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Thursday 12 May 2011 22:48

Psycho.

OasC82 0

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Friday 13 May 2011 4:24

hey, you don't say that

ashseal 11

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Thursday 12 May 2011 22:49

your fault. dumbass.

persianjr1 7

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Thursday 12 May 2011 22:58

Wow. A little harsh maybe?

drewbear69 0

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Thursday 12 May 2011 23:10

no sense of humar

HubertPL 0

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Thursday 12 May 2011 23:38

wow learn to spell humor?

livin_plur 0

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Friday 13 May 2011 5:19

wow learn some manners

LairaIsKindaCool 6

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Friday 13 May 2011 5:50

Easy on the insults there hun. . .

ashseal 11

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Friday 13 May 2011 22:04

um y'all are overreacting. and don't call me hun. thanks.

albow2dking007 14

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Saturday 11 June 2011 0:46

hey waddup

FMLandurstoo 9

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Thursday 12 May 2011 22:51

Don't tease criminals.

amazinglyHappy 6

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Thursday 12 May 2011 22:54

Wanna hear a joke that has no connection?

FMLandurstoo 9

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Thursday 12 May 2011 23:05

Uh sure?

amazinglyHappy 6

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Thursday 12 May 2011 23:27

what's funnier then corn??

Person1233 12

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Thursday 12 May 2011 23:51

People who don't know the difference between then and than?

evalimegreen 0

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Friday 13 May 2011 0:14

hey I don't Even know that

Darth_Naru 0

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Friday 13 May 2011 0:53

So is there an answer?

amazinglyHappy 6

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Friday 13 May 2011 1:01

oh yeah sorry hehe, and sorry for the grammar mistake :S okay heres the answer: CORN THAT GOES POP??? D'ya get it?? hehe

0opsie 6

Friday 13 May 2011 1:26

*cricket chirps*

Darth_Naru 0

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Friday 13 May 2011 2:27

I don't get it

EagorLuvsBigFoot 8

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Friday 13 May 2011 3:12

wow she means popcorn ya'dumbass

Emmy_The_Great 2

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Friday 13 May 2011 3:54

Your picture makes your comment like 10 times better.

Darth_Naru 0

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Friday 13 May 2011 5:54

Well sorry but I don't think popcorn is funnier than corn. I don't think it's even funny at all.

GeneralGreivous3 0

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Friday 13 May 2011 5:57

Wait... corn is supposed to be funny?

hotscar 3

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Friday 13 May 2011 6:14

111, if you're grevious, why is your picture maul?

amazinglyHappy 6

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Friday 13 May 2011 8:14

... it's one of those jokes that aren't funny, sorry :(....

AutumnBeatricee 0

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Friday 13 May 2011 17:09

lol:)

TrollsFTW 0

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Friday 13 May 2011 23:29

That's the worst joke I've ever heard. Oh wait, I've got a better one. You being pretty!

amazinglyHappy 6

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Saturday 14 May 2011 11:08

the point of the joke was to be bad... it's one of those things young people laugh at... 'cause its such a fail of a joke?? and thanks for the mature comment back i'm sure your mum's proud.

a_nutritionist 10

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Thursday 19 May 2011 8:36

wow, i was thinking the responses were borderline until 144 just shot over the line between acceptable and unacceptable. i bet he thinks it makes him cool too because he acts like a cunt. youre lucky youre 13 and have time to think like a fully functioning person, cos right now youre nothing but a waste of carbon and water.