Today, as I finished putting self tanner on my legs, the phone rang. Telemarketer. After returning to the bathroom I put moisturizer on my face. As I looked in the mirror, I soon realized I'd forgotten to wash my hands. My face is now streaky orange. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I got my make-up remover wipes mixed up with my sister's self-tan wipes. I am currently watching my face slowly turn orange and there is nothing I can do about it. FML
Today, I decided to try a self-tanning lotion my friend had recommended. I put it on, and decided to take a nap. I woke up later and checked myself in the mirror, expecting to see a new, more tanned version of myself. I didn't. I'm now orange. FML
Today, I decided to spray tan myself. Five minutes later, I had to pee, so I did. Not only do I now have two orange stripes on my toilet bowl, but I also have two big white stripes on the back of my thighs. FML
Today, I thought I could make my own skincare products from scratch, but I ended up with a weird, greasy concoction, which left a red mark on my hands. It's been two hours and the mark is still there, despite several washes. FML
Today, I used a self-tanning towelette to help even out my tan lines and disguise my vitiligo a bit. Now my stomach is orange and my spots are even more noticeable. FML
Today, I gave myself a facial with one of those masks you leave on for a while. I busied myself by tidying my room while it dried and eventually forgot all about it. I finally remembered about it after I answered the door to the postman. Not embarassing enough? I'm a guy. FML
Today, I tried a self-tanner in an attempt to rid myself of my ghost-white legs. I got my wish, but instead of a warm golden tan, I have red, swollen, lobster-like marks sticking out from the bottom half of my torso. FML
Today, I was getting ready for the school swimming carnival and was running very late. I reached for my deodorant and sprayed it on. It was only when I was at the pool that I realized I had accidentally grabbed the spray tan and covered my underarms in it. FML
Today, as I was about to go in the bathroom, a girl walked out, shaking water off her hands. Some of it landed on my face, and I just wiped it off. Then she said to her friend who was waiting for her, "The sink's broken. Can I use your hand sanitizer?" So what landed on my face? FML
Today, I was waiting at home for a phone call. While I was in the bathroom, the phone rang. I quickly stopped my business and ran out of the bathroom with my pants round my ankles. I leaped over the couch, tripping and then stubbing my toe while hopping to the phone. It was a telemarketer. FML
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Top comments
GameRater01 0
YDI for using self tanner. Tanner cream = instant oompaloompa
Internets_ 0
I call BS. Unless you had mistaken your tanning lotion for moisturizer or unless you answer your phone with your feet this seems unlikely. You would have noticed tanning lotion on your phone when you picked it up unless you're an idiot.
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Comments (75)
doll_face 0
i'm calling you out on this one. first of all, the key to using self tanner is that you mix it with moisturizer in order to reduce lines. if what you say is true, your legs should have a lot more streaks. second, it takes a while to settle in. even after it dries, you can't wash or anything because the effects could fade. if you "immediately" realized that you forgot to wash your hands, you could have just gone and washed your face. btw, your hands would be super orange.. if i was you, i wouldn't be worrying about my face. third, i'm assuming you're a girl.. there's nothing makeup can't fix.
dino_rawr 0
That's what you get for using self tanner. It always looks terrible. People with fake tans aren't fooling anyone- When's the last time you saw a naturally orange person?
DankJemo 0
you know people that put that shit on look like Umpa Lumpa's... It is not attractive, unless you're trying to attract yourself a Jersey man.
willubmyrubbaduk 0
Quarter cup of lemon juice, half a cup of salt and a loofah sponge scrub scrub scrub! seriously it works
cefarix 5
I was about to vote YDI, but the detail about the telemarketer made me change my mind. FYL :(
AntiChrist7 0
i always turn telemarketers down. And fake tan is ugly. YDI
DottiePalooza 0
Lime juice removes self tanner.
poolshark 0
Stupid Google ads. I open this page, only to be subjected to yet another highly mediocre FML and now I have a nasty, self tanned orange ass burning its image into my retinas. It's times like this I am jealous of people who read these on their phones and don't have to see the propaganda that litters the margins.
DannyPenguin 0
YA, NOT REALLY DRAMATIC. JUST STUPID, IF IT'S even true.... and what, it works instantly?
jerkmotel 0
Don't you have an answering machine or voice mail? probably coulda let that answer it.