Miscellaneous: Today, as a bridal shower gift, I got a "coupon" for 25% off... - FML

By Nikki - 30/05/2010 16:29 - Canada

Today, as a bridal shower gift, I got a "coupon" for 25% off divorce attorney fees. It was a collective gift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 239

You deserved it 3 996

You tried

Mother of the year

Grind mindset

By anonymous - 28/03/2011 18:48 - United States

Today, I dropped my blackberry, but thanks to the protective gel case that I just purchased for it... it bounced and fell right into a sidewalk drainage sewer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 298

You deserved it 5 597

By ohfantastic - 25/01/2009 02:47 - United States

Today, I was sleeping with my boyfriend and woke up in his arms to hear him say "Mom, Mom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 621

You deserved it 2 353

By rileynautumn - 13/06/2011 19:04 - United States

Today, after a full shift at work, I got home to my boyfriend playing CoD, a full sink, crap all over the table, a full cat box, dirty bathroom, no laundry done and the kids at my parents' house. He yelled at me because the place was a mess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 136

You deserved it 9 660

Not sure that's how it works

By Julisna - 16/09/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, after getting sick of my boyfriend pestering me for a threesome, I invited a male friend over. My boyfriend strongly declined, because, "Hell no, I ain’t gay." So this man expects me to be a lesbian, but him being gay is a problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 443

You deserved it 257

By HannahBretts - 24/08/2013 05:28 - United States - Turlock

Today, I'm watching a TV show about horrible germs in hotel rooms that you can catch from a bed... while I am stuck in a hotel room... on the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 296

You deserved it 7 967

Time wasting

By PNeil - 13/11/2019 14:00

Today, after having spent all of last night studying for an algebra test, I find out that the test was on a completely different chapter of my textbook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 141

You deserved it 1 497

By Anonymous - 11/11/2014 23:48 - France

Today, while shopping, a lady came up to me and asked if she could borrow my baby because, "Y'know, I'm in a hurry and they'll let me checkout first." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 258

You deserved it 2 685

By Mighty Mouse - 21/05/2017 14:00

Today, I found out the coffee mug my housemate uses to thaw dead mice for his snake is the same mug I use for my morning coffee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 688

You deserved it 414

Post-it

By Lalalala - 06/09/2020 02:02 - United States - Austin

Today, my boyfriend told me to stay home, because he wanted to come by to give me a birthday surprise. Later on, he came by, posted a note, rung the bell and left. The note was a break up note. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 662

You deserved it 98

By mickstinator - 25/06/2009 15:37 - United States

Today, I was parking my car outside of my apartment, but the big truck next to the spot went over the line. I squeezed in anyway. Later, I discovered the truck had left and someone keyed my car. They left a note saying, "Good parking job, asshole." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 213

You deserved it 7 210

By bitty - 11/01/2011 14:45 - United States

Today, some construction workers kept going in and out the door next to my cubicle. They decided it would be easier to just prop the door open for the next hour. It's 20 degrees outside, and I'm wearing a dress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 283

You deserved it 6 880

By Anonymous - 27/10/2014 16:44 - United States - Hillsboro

Today, it's my 20th birthday. I recently came home from college to visit my family, after my mother had a stroke a few weeks back. She ended up being the only person who remembered to get me anything. She also thinks it's still 2009. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 381

You deserved it 3 335

Backhanded

By eliinu - 02/09/2016 02:45 - United States - Middlesboro

Today, my aunt said that it looked like I lost some weight. I was pleased with this, since I've been trying to lose some. My mom, for some reason, thought it was insulting. She pulled me to aside to assure me that I most definitely don't look any skinnier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 088

You deserved it 912

By Anonymous - 28/09/2013 04:08 - United States - Bloomdale

Today, my husband and I switched phones by accident. I've already received several naked pictures from one of his co-workers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 643

You deserved it 4 387

By hornyloser - 02/05/2011 18:46 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had some hot phone sex with my long-distance girlfriend. Half-way through, my mom stormed in, and told me I was disgusting and sick for doing it in the same room as my brother. I forgot about the baby monitor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 856

You deserved it 70 149

By ConstructionLady - 13/11/2012 06:49 - United States

Today, I was conducting a meeting regarding safety concerns on my field site. While I made a comment, a client rep yelled out that women don't know construction, and that I should be acting like a proper secretary and should get my boss. I'm the Construction Manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 626

You deserved it 2 372

By poopsthegame - 03/12/2012 07:36 - United States - Honolulu

Today, I walked out of my apartment to see that someone had climbed onto the hood of my car and taken a shit on my windshield. I only moved in a couple of weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 923

You deserved it 1 816

By drivingmecrazy - 28/05/2015 01:28 - United States - Sacramento

Today, I called 911 to report a drunk driver. The operator yelled at me for following the guy and told me to get off the phone because I shouldn't be driving with a phone to my ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 306

You deserved it 7 246

By pvcnutcrackingdomqueen4u - 16/08/2015 16:18 - United States - Monmouth Junction

Today, I went on a blind date. People always joke about how horrible Axe is, but this guy sprayed it on so thick that I genuinely had to fight to not retch the entire time. It was so bad that at one point I thought I was going to pass out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 736

You deserved it 1 864

By Anonymous - 09/03/2012 22:36 - United States

Today, I had to patiently listen as a customer nattered on and on about how incompetent I was for not stocking the movie she was looking for. It took nearly 20 minutes to get her to calm down long enough for me to explain that there is no such movie as "Hobbits With Shotguns". FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 687

You deserved it 2 618

By Scammed - 05/06/2016 18:26 - Mexico - Mexicali

Today, a week after spending most of my paycheck on a down-payment and rent on a new apartment, I found out the "landlord" I paid was a scammer. Turns out the real owner was away on vacation, and he'd stolen most of her stuff before showing me the place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 656

You deserved it 1 373

By Anonymous - 19/05/2009 08:40 - Canada

Today, I was in my Cosmetic Application class, and we were about to apply foundation to our models. I walk over to my friend and say "Wow, that foundation is really orange and blotchy." Then the model turns to me and says "Actually, we haven't started yet... that's just my skin." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 899

You deserved it 58 252

By Anonymous - 09/09/2009 17:21 - United States

Today, I found out why my husband had wanted to wait until marriage to get it on. Last night was the first night of our honeymoon, and he informed me that he wasn't always Ben, but used to be Brenda. His 'penis' doesn't work and he had wanted to know I "truly loved him" before he had let me know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 202 154

You deserved it 21 716

Deal or no Deal

By Anonymous - 16/04/2020 02:00

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend's farts got so bad that we made a deal: every day that he doesn't fart, he gets a blowjob. Suddenly, he's not letting gas out anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 957

You deserved it 1 948

By GumStickExtraGmail - 14/09/2017 17:30 - United States - Arvada

Today, I found my daughter playing on my phone. When I got it back, I saw multiple texts to my boss saying that I quit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 664

You deserved it 597

By weezer - 21/02/2011 13:07 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend walked in on me in the bathroom. That's how he found out that I wax my nipples. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 181

You deserved it 30 374

By Coach - 30/10/2009 13:19 - United States

Today, I was woken up from a phone call from my boss. He asked if I had been asleep. I told him I wasn't, that I was in my car on the way to work. Then my alarm went off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 323

You deserved it 41 538

By disgusted - 13/12/2015 07:45 - United States - Logan

Today, I confessed to my coworker that I'm interested in her romantically. She turned me down, saying that I'm a great guy, but that she basically doesn't want mixed-race children. She said she isn't racist, though, so I guess it's all okay, right? FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 855

You deserved it 3 290

By Anonymous - 28/05/2013 11:12 - Norway - Trondheim

Today, I was visiting my new in-laws for the first time. During an awkward silence, I took my phone and figured I'd send my friend a text jokingly saying "Mayday, mayday! Somebody save me!" My mood lightened up a little and I felt quite well until my mother-in-law's phone beeped. Yep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 427

You deserved it 48 284

Rebellion

By Anonymous - 18/12/2021 04:59 - Panama - Cuba

Today, my sister and I are never allowed to go out, and by out I mean even open the front door. Last night, I snuck outside. What did I do in my rare act of rebellion? I cut the grass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 856

You deserved it 91

By fuckthat - 18/02/2009 05:08 - United States

Today, my grandmother called. She greeted me by my mother's name. When I told her it was not my mother, she apologized and corrected herself, but this time she addressed me as my sister. When I told her it was not my sister either, she said "Sorry, wrong number" and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 440

You deserved it 3 320

Serial killer

By bananapie69 - 29/05/2020 23:00

Today, during my staff Google Meet conference, I forgot to mute my mic when I joined and I was still listening to a true crime podcast. I started to notice people's confused looks and realized they were all hearing the details of the bodies found. FML

I agree, your life sucks 986

You deserved it 963

By King.Dick. - 02/04/2015 14:21 - United States - Windsor Heights

Today, I had to give a presentation at school about King Richard III. I realized too late that someone had changed his name to "King Dick" on all the slides. My little sister later broke into hysterics and confessed this had been her April Fool's prank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 988

You deserved it 2 969

By dk14 - 24/01/2017 10:00

Today, my girlfriend's dad let me borrow his car for transportation to work because mine got totaled. This car is a complete dump and I've realized he's only letting me use it so it's my fault to fix the broken things on the car. So far, I've had to replace the battery and two popped tires. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 953

You deserved it 638

By FML - 21/12/2013 16:58 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, my mum and I were referred to as "ladies". I'm happy for her, since she always complains about looking masculine. However, I would still like to be called a gentleman, seeing as how I am one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 159

You deserved it 3 633

Not worth it

By Anonymous - 17/12/2021 20:01

Today, I drove 4 hours to see a girl I’ve been messaging with for months. Her friends came along for everything. I opted to sleep in my car, and go fishing alone. I didn’t know the river was near a nuclear power plant, so I’m probably sterile now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 672

You deserved it 347

Food for thought

By that’s what you get - 05/08/2020 17:02

Today, I warned my husband not to eat the seafood he'd left on the counter. He insisted it was fine. He’s now been in the bathroom shitting, puking and wailing for three hours. Our place is tiny and the bathroom is attached to our bedroom. The door doesn’t keep out the noise or the rancid smell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 743

You deserved it 165

By Carolyn Dee Humphrey - 07/06/2018 01:30

Today, I found out my friend and I have the same due date and the same baby daddy. It's my boyfriend of 9 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 247

You deserved it 406

By Anonymous - 07/01/2015 16:29 - Sri Lanka

Today, my scumbag landlady broke into my place and stole my mop, which I refused to give her earlier. She denied everything and tried to convince me that some criminal broke in using a key, stole only my mop, and was nice enough to lock up on the way out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 543

You deserved it 2 780

By Anonymous - 30/03/2013 05:23 - United States

Today, I texted a girl I met at the bar last night. She accused me of being "fake" because she couldn't find me on Facebook, Instagram or Twitter, then threatened to call the cops on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 745

You deserved it 3 436

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Sunday 30 May 2010 23:17

save it just in case :)

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Sunday 30 May 2010 23:23

they must know something about your fiancé that you don't. I sense a cheating FML in your future.

Comments

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Sunday 30 May 2010 23:17

save it just in case :)

StoryOfTheYear 13

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Sunday 30 May 2010 23:19

^^^^^^ HAHAHAHAHAHAAA.... eh...... I don't get it

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Sunday 30 May 2010 23:19

me neither

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Sunday 30 May 2010 23:20

good plan, statistics for divorce nowadays are ridiculous, youll probably end up needing it

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Sunday 30 May 2010 23:25

5 and 6 I think collective gift means they all pitched in to buy it haha subtle much?

StoryOfTheYear 13

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Sunday 30 May 2010 23:26

I know that part I just don't get how it's a pwn

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Sunday 30 May 2010 23:41

I would be upset with my friends, that probably just means they think your marriage is going to fail, fyl op you have no support from your friends

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Monday 31 May 2010 8:04

cute baby:D

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Sunday 30 May 2010 23:42

LOL. you got served

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Sunday 30 May 2010 23:51

her friend dossnt think her marriage will last so she got here a coupon so the divorce is cheaper.

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Monday 31 May 2010 0:04

Don't hold on to it, if your new husband found it somewhere, he wouldn't think to kindly of it.

clanceyrocks11 0

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Monday 31 May 2010 0:49

What is PWN? DAFP

clanceyrocks11 0

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Monday 31 May 2010 0:51

Number seven I thought your pic was Kesha. DAFP

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Monday 31 May 2010 1:06

burn the coupon, don't invite the people who gave it to u to the wedding! have pre-marriage guidance and give your marriage the best u can. seek advice from people u know who have been married for ages. marriage is wonderful and if u approach it properly will be a most wonderful decision! remember some things that many failed marriages neglect: if u don't agree on everything, it is not the end of ur marriage, also remember it is a partnership :) this is all advice my husband and I were given and it is solid :)

rockyraccoon28 8

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Monday 31 May 2010 2:51

#7, who is your picture of?

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Monday 31 May 2010 2:53

ahahahaaahaha that's funny :P well, it would be if they gave you an actual gift along with it. If not, theyre dicks :P

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Monday 31 May 2010 6:35

agreed with 56. take the advice with serious thought. and get rid of coupon.

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Monday 31 May 2010 8:35

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Monday 31 May 2010 8:37

I read this as baby shower. Makes more sense now...

FriesWithASideOf 0

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Monday 31 May 2010 8:46

I'm confused on this FML

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Sunday 30 May 2010 23:17

Hint hint

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Sunday 30 May 2010 23:25

what he said honestly though, fyl

StoryOfTheYear 13

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Sunday 30 May 2010 23:29

Indeed, that is what I said

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Monday 31 May 2010 3:15

that's what I'm thinkin too, 'hint hint'

missdezzybabee 0

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Sunday 30 May 2010 23:18

i think you shoulf woop somebodies ass!

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Sunday 30 May 2010 23:37

wtf

TaylorTotsYumm 10

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Monday 31 May 2010 0:18

afatmonkey, that was my cousin.

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Monday 31 May 2010 2:02

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha that was funny ^^^^^

settledownbeavis 0

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Monday 31 May 2010 6:31

3 i didn't know precious used fml

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Monday 31 May 2010 8:06

afatmonkey takes acid

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Monday 31 May 2010 8:32

80, you're a jerk. #1. She looks nothing like Precious. And #2. Let's see of picture of you...oh wait nevermind cause I'm pretty sure you look like an ass crack!

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Monday 31 May 2010 8:41

If walls could talk...

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Monday 31 May 2010 9:00

afatmonkey is surely back woohooh

missdezzybabee 0

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Tuesday 1 June 2010 8:17

Who are you calling Precious? I might be big but bitch I am no damn Precious and why you trying to roast me when your lame ass don't even have a picture?!

missdezzybabee 0

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Tuesday 1 June 2010 8:19

thanks for trying to have my back

AstonMartinDBS 1

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Sunday 30 May 2010 23:18

you might need it

FuckMyLife195 0

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Monday 31 May 2010 0:07

it's a sign xD fuck antiflood

Sun_Kissed18 25

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Monday 31 May 2010 1:02

That's a little cynical. Though with divorce statistics nowadays... But still, it was a rude gift

AstonMartinDBS 1

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Monday 31 May 2010 5:52

it was just a gag gift

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Sunday 30 May 2010 23:23

they must know something about your fiancé that you don't. I sense a cheating FML in your future.

missdezzybabee 0

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Sunday 30 May 2010 23:23

ignore the spelling errors!

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Sunday 30 May 2010 23:27

I don't really understand but fyl? haha.

snipersdelight 0

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Monday 31 May 2010 0:04

#13 I love that picture

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Monday 31 May 2010 4:46

yeah your cool.

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Monday 31 May 2010 6:16

op that might come in handy later eh daves farm rocks

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Monday 31 May 2010 8:29

maijuana plants have 5 leaves. not 7 just putting that out there

yagurlteeteexoxo 0

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Sunday 30 May 2010 23:27

lol that's funny but hey it will probably b handy in the long run.

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Sunday 30 May 2010 23:54

exactly what I was thinking...

justin_brdfrd 0

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Sunday 30 May 2010 23:31

I never even knew coupons like that existed ha

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Sunday 30 May 2010 23:40

neither did i

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Sunday 30 May 2010 23:34

You have a bunch cheap friends or they know something you don't.

Nearly

Today I ripped my lovely £50 coat on barbed wire, what I only worn a hand full of times, ended up having to spend £10 to get it repaired, have to wait till Friday to pick it up, it’s only Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8

You deserved it 7

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I spent all day waiting for an unlikely follow up text from the girl from Tinder I let peg me on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 321

You deserved it 863

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 784

You deserved it 1 073