Today, while making a grand show of his generosity, my boss gave...

By GeeThanks - 2/5/2017 05:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, while making a grand show of his generosity, my boss gave me my own commissions as a wedding gift. FML

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Work

Money

Understandable

Who's a good boy?

British Broadcasting Corporation

By This_girll - 20/7/2018 19:30 - United States - Ridgewood

Classy guy.

Today, my boyfriend of a year went to a wedding. He didn't invite me, he took his ex instead. I saw it all on Instagram. FML

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By Groomzilla? - 28/4/2015 05:32 - Canada - Niagara Falls

Today, less than a month from our wedding, my fiancé told me that he doesn't trust me and will be cancelling our wedding and new apartment lease if I don't give him all the names, numbers and addresses of my exes. All because I received a text from a wrong number that said, "Hey baby." FML

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By Alex - 8/5/2016 19:12 - United States

Today, after spending $120 to have a bouquet of flowers delivered to my mom, she called to complain that I had forgotten about her for Mother's day, but also praise my sister for apparently receiving my flowers I sent at the door and passing them off as hers. FML

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By kaitlynn - 1/2/2010 20:56 - France

Today, at four in the morning, I was asleep with my boyfriend beside me. I started yelling at him in my sleep and broke up with him. When I woke up, he was gone. FML

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By morenita27 - 21/12/2010 01:52 - Canada

Today, a woman came to my counter and ordered 12 donuts. I said, "OK sure, a dozen donuts." She paused, looked at me with disgust and yelled, "I said 12, NOT a dozen." FML

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By SonofDonald - 22/1/2013 17:20 - United States

Today, I went on a date with a co-worker I've been interested in for some time. The topic of discussion she chose over lunch: how she's living a double-life as an escort in Flint and that she thinks she's picked up an STD from unprotected sex. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/11/2012 11:17 - United Kingdom - Hull

Today, multiple people admired my elaborate face paint. This happens every Halloween, at least every Halloween since I got badly burnt in a car accident. FML

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By Mark - 30/3/2009 07:06 - United States

Today, I was working out at the gym doing squats. There was a girl there that I wanted to impress so I loaded up the bar with a lot of weight and began to do my squat. As I was going down I farted so loud that I began to laugh and fell backwards. Everyone in the room just stared at me. FML

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By stillhungry - 22/5/2009 23:25 - United States

Today, while driving across country, my car broke down while in the middle of nowhere. I had it towed to a mechanic in the nearest town. While he fixed the car, I went to get lunch. The only restaurant in town was an old-fashioned drive-up diner. They wouldn't serve me because I wasn't in a car. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/11/2014 20:15 - United States

Today, as I walked into the bank, I tripped and bumped into a security guard. He thought I was assaulting him, so he pinned me to the floor and called for backup as he held me at gunpoint. FML

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By xxlenalunaxx - 29/4/2015 11:11 - United States

Today, after waiting for 2 weeks for the right moment to meet my boyfriend's mom, she walked in as I was straddling him, trying to prove that I'd win in a wrestling match. I guess we met, then. FML

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By chriss - 14/4/2009 17:09 - United States

Today, my mom scooped the litter box right before I went to work. I brown bagged my lunch this morning. She brown bagged the poop from the litter box. Both were on the counter. Guess which one I brought to work? FML

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By Violet - 5/4/2014 01:57 - United States - Exeter

Today, my boyfriend wanted me to get a shirt saying "I'm a girl," just so people won't think he's gay. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/2/2015 15:10 - India - Tuticorin

Today, my fiancé and his family accused me of being with him only because he's rich, refusing to go ahead with the wedding. I accepted his marriage proposal 4 years ago, when he was penniless and unemployed. FML

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By LarissaT18 - 2/2/2014 16:13 - United States - Reynoldsburg

Today, the highlight of my day was when I figured out that my little brother's toy dump truck could actually dump stuff out. I'm 18. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/10/2009 12:05 - United States

Today, my mom tells my sister that she is worried about her because she has a headache and feels like she might be getting a slight cold. I have had the flu for two weeks and have a 103 degree fever. I ask, "What about me?" Her response? "Stay away from your sister." FML

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By smbcolorado - 4/2/2011 22:43 - United States

Today, my husband sent an email invite to his family about our daughter's upcoming birthday. Upon reading the email, his aunt clicked "reply all" while emailing her husband and said, "I'd rather say we're out of town than see that dumb bitch our nephew calls his wife." FML

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By howler - 15/2/2011 06:44 - United States

Make it rain

Today, my mother walked in on me rubbing $400 in $20 bills all over myself. FML

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By Rjlup - 11/6/2013 14:00 - United States - Denver

Today, I took my pet rabbit to the vet because I had noticed his genitals looked swollen compared to my other rabbit's. It turns out he's just "gifted". The vet laughed at me. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/7/2019 14:00

Monday Morning Blues

Today, after a rough night, my husband's alarms started going off at 5 a.m. All 4 of them. Old town road, the Skyrim theme, that lady yelling, "I got shit to do today" and bagpipes. I'm awake. He's not. FML

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By ijustwannaplaymymusic - 27/5/2016 04:40 - United States - Jackson

Today, I was practicing the piano. My brother told me that if I loved him, I would stop. FML

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By jaybob18 - 17/6/2011 06:07 - United States

Today, I finally used the statistics book that I forked out $120 to buy. To kill an ant. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/7/2012 04:55 - United States - San Diego

Today, I had a few friends over. Wanting to seem cool, I yelled at my girlfriend to get me a beer. She chucked four bottles at my head. All my friends cheered her on. FML

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By ash203 - 12/12/2009 21:38 - United States

Today, my friend and I got really drunk at the holiday staff party. When I went to work afterwards, everyone gave me the death stare. Apparently, I got so drunk that I flashed my boss' 13 year old son. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/1/2016 05:17 - United States - Norristown

Today, I have a stomach bug. I went to go downstairs, and my cat decided to dart between my legs, causing me to trip and fall down the stairs in a pinwheel of vomit. FML

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By Coykoi - 16/5/2012 14:19 - Canada - Saskatoon

Today, not only did my boyfriend set my hair on fire, but he attempted to put it out by dumping bong water on my head. FML

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By SolaceInRage - 20/3/2013 23:53 - United States - Wilmette

Today, I tossed half a sausage to a dog sitting beside a park bench. It wasn't until he lunged for it and dragged the man beside him off of the bench that I realized it was a seeing eye dog. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/9/2017 06:00

Today, while fingering my girlfriend in the dark, I tried to be sexy and licked my fingers. After we turned the lights back on, we realized that her period had come early. FML

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By TheSacredTeddyBear - 31/7/2013 03:06 - United States - Independence

Today, I finally gave away all of the stuffed animals that I've been hoarding for years. Proud, I told my family. They congratulated me by buying me stuffed animals. FML

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By bet a woman would've been thanked - 7/5/2013 20:21 - United Kingdom - Redditch

Today, I was out jogging, when I saw a girl fall off her bike and start crying. I ran over to see if she was hurt. Apparently her neighbour thought I was trying to kidnap her, because he ran out with a baseball bat and threatened to beat me to death if I didn't get lost. FML

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By Desertdryspell - 20/12/2018 14:00

Today, I dressed up in new lingerie I had bought to surprise my partner. He said "what do you want? Just go to bed instead". So much for that new confidence. FML.

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By nickthetank - 31/12/2011 09:21 - Canada

Today, I got circumcised by my girlfriend's braces. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/8/2014 00:34 - United States - Columbus

Today, after months of dinners, coffees, drinks, and a few nights together, the girl of my dreams told me about this awesome guy she met yesterday. FML

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By Lackadaisical - 15/1/2010 00:01 - United States

Today, I thought I'd be safe by looking before crossing a one way street unlike I normally do. Too bad I looked the wrong way and didn't see the car that hit me. FML

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By footstuck - 13/11/2013 17:51 - United States - Winterville

Today, I superglued the sole back into my shoe. Unfortunately, the glue didn't dry as quickly as it said it would on the bottle. The glue seeped through the sole and my foot got superglued to my shoe. FML

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By N1ch0la1 - 8/8/2009 09:35 - South Africa

Today, while in the shower, my roomates thought it would be really funny if they threw my cat in with me. The doctor who gave me the stitches also thought so. FML

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By Thay - 1/9/2016 22:28 - United States

Today, I logged onto Tinder to see if I had any messages. I had one: "Get off Tinder." FML

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By Sully - 7/2/2010 00:17 - United States

Today, I was having sex and wanted to move to the wall, so I picked her up, got my foot stuck in my blanket, and dropped her on the floor. FML

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By rink.attendant.6 - 21/6/2012 15:40 - Canada - Dryden

Today, I saw my crush working the only open till at the grocery store. When she saw me approach her queue, she immediately called for more cashiers. FML

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By notacatperson - 1/3/2011 10:41 - United Kingdom

Today, I was informed that due to my cat being aggressive and attacking the postman several times, my mail would no longer be delivered to my address. I don't own a cat. FML

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Top comments

By Lobby_Bee | 17

#7447760 - Tuesday 2 May 2017 13:32

The commission wasn't the wedding gift, the grand show was.

By Druu | 53

#7447863 - Tuesday 2 May 2017 17:34

"And here's a little something for the honeymoon!"
*Hands you a backlog of work*

COMMENTS

By Lobby_Bee | 17

#7447760 - Tuesday 2 May 2017 13:32

The commission wasn't the wedding gift, the grand show was.

By RichardPencil | 28

#7447816 - Tuesday 2 May 2017 16:08

I'll bet he'll give you wedding cake, aka, day-old birthday cake from the break room.

By Druu | 53

#7447863 - Tuesday 2 May 2017 17:34

"And here's a little something for the honeymoon!"
*Hands you a backlog of work*