Work: Today, I was so tired, I passed out at work in the middle of... - FML

By Anonymous - United States - Atlanta

Today, I was so tired, I passed out at work in the middle of a call. All because my neighbor's car alarm kept going off every 3 minutes all through the morning. It was still going when I left for work. If you see a news story in a few days about a whole neighborhood beating a guy to death, that's probably us. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13332

Phew, glad it wasn't me

1307

Tweet

Share

Season finale

A mother's love…

Litter

By cockblockedbyFB - United States - San Antonio

Today, like every other day, my wife doesn't have time for sex because she's too busy on Facebook. Then she bitched me out because "we never have sex anymore." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32694

You deserved it

3097

Tweet

Share

By bad doc

Save Me

Today, I had to repeat myself multiple times and dumb down all my anatomical terms and symptoms while describing my illness to my doctor. I want to switch, but my insurance won’t cover another one for at least 60 more days. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1347

You deserved it

142

Tweet

Share

By SonOfaSpy - United States

Today, we found out why we were getting notes on our door telling us to "move out or else." As my mom works for the government and we have a direct-TV dish on our roof, our neighbor thinks we were sent to listen to his phone calls and read his mind. We were here before he was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33969

You deserved it

2653

Tweet

Share

By beccabooyah - United States

Today, I was using the bathroom and checking Facebook on my phone. As I'm checking my news feed, I notice a new photo upload by my brother. I guess I forgot to shut the door to the bathroom, because it's me on the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17703

You deserved it

38614

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I wrote the most beautiful college application essay ever, ten minutes before the online deadline. Instead of clicking "submit", I clicked the button next to it that said "return". The entire essay vanished into internet wasteland. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23608

You deserved it

46079

Tweet

Share

By TheComedyAudio

Today, I surprised my girlfriend of 3 years with Stone Sour and Korn tickets, since I knew how badly she wanted to go. She responded by asking if we could go as just friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4656

You deserved it

319

Tweet

Share

By horny I’m so horny - 15/4/2021 17:00 - United States

Frustrating!

Today, we’ve been unable to have sex for months due to my boyfriend’s health issues. I would never EVER cheat on him; however my unconscious mind has other ideas. I’ve dreamt of kinky sex with everyone from the maintenance man to gettin' freaky with detective Stabler. I’m so horny I’m gonna burst. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1201

You deserved it

224

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was told by my girlfriend that in the thralls of my drunken haze last night, I tried to French-kiss her mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10370

You deserved it

37569

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - London

Today, I had a one night stand. After holding in my farts all night as is done, I decided enough was enough and to calmly let one slip out. One did not calmly slip out instead I shit myself in her bed. I was naked at the time so was unable to hide it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35909

You deserved it

16682

Tweet

Share

By fledermausi - Hungary - Budapest

Today, I came home to my boyfriend emptying his bowels into my aquarium. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32730

You deserved it

3087

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Ireland

Today, I had to repeat my order in Starbucks three times because the barista was staring at my chest. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29468

You deserved it

12397

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my mother yet again went on a long rant about how much of a loser I am as I have "never had boyfriend" and I'm 26. Truth is, I've been in the same relationship for over five years but it "doesn't count because he's black." FML

I agree, your life sucks

66697

You deserved it

7303

Tweet

Share

By Al Staten

Today, my new boss asked me to handle a very difficult client, warning me that, "He's kind of a dick." My accidental response? "That's fine, I'm great at handling dicks." FML

I agree, your life sucks

10361

You deserved it

2503

Tweet

Share

By Ep1cF4ce - United States

Today, I was sleeping like a baby on our living room couch. My older brother and his friends lit my slippers on fire. While I was wearing them. They even took a video. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35990

You deserved it

3408

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I zoned out in a coffee shop for about two minutes and was brought back to reality when a woman smacked me out of my seat. Apparently I was staring at her chest while zoned out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33085

You deserved it

7163

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, I had to pick up my brother and his girlfriend from the bar at 2:00am because they were too drunk to drive themselves and had no money for an Uber. Five minutes into the ride, they started going at it in the back of my new car. I don't think I'll be doing favors again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5362

You deserved it

504

Tweet

Share

By off-balance - Finland

Today, as I was trying to get off a crowded train, some asshole pushed past me hard enough to nearly knock me over. My bag hit a preschool kid standing behind me, and I missed my stop trying to apologize to him. His mom yelled at me all the way to the next stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21890

You deserved it

1410

Tweet

Share

By mortified - Canada

Today, at work, I was caught picking my nose, on camera, in an elevator. The security guard stopped me on my way out of the building to tell me how funny it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10568

You deserved it

30861

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada - London

Today, even though I'm overweight, I was feeling alright about the way I looked in the historical costume I'm required to wear by my job. A little kid came in and asked me if I was having a baby. Guess I don't look as good as I thought. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11616

You deserved it

1389

Tweet

Share

By jb123 - United States - Rock Springs

I'm still young

Today, I was sitting in a waiting room with my two-month-old son. A sweet little old lady came up to me and said, "Maybe if you knew how to keep your legs closed, you wouldn't have a baby at 15, slut." I'm 23 and married. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2881

You deserved it

198

Tweet

Share

By DieuEstUnHomme - France - Reims

Today, while on the tram with my friend, we ended up discussing religion. When we started talking about God, some guy asked us, in a serious tone, to "stop talking about me" because it was really starting to bother him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19648

You deserved it

2444

Tweet

Share

By kimhinesvoinea - United States

Today, I took multiple pictures of my blanket and pillow pet, trying to get the "perfect pose" so I could post it on Facebook with a cheesy joke. I'm 30. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16402

You deserved it

43552

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to a wedding with my family. While the maid of honor was giving her non-heartfelt, three sentence speech, my mom and I started talking about how lame her speech was. When I turned around to look at my mom, I saw the camera recording the speech behind her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10978

You deserved it

45798

Tweet

Share

By bloodyfreakinawful - United States - Seabrook

Today, in class, I reached into my bag to pull out a tampon, which I hid under my sleeve so I could make a quick escape to the restroom. My teacher yelled at me, because she thought I'd taken out my phone. I then had to prove myself by showing the tampon to the whole class. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37861

You deserved it

3176

Tweet

Share

By nick - United States - Highland Park

Today, my girlfriend started making pig noises during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15317

You deserved it

2080

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Lewisville

Today, while working at my new job at a surgery center, I noticed how odd it was that the room began to smell like fried chicken. I thought it smelt pretty good, until I learned it was actually the smell of someone getting their ear cauterized. I enjoyed the smell of someone's burning ear flesh. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12137

You deserved it

1724

Tweet

Share

By Tim - United States

Today, I found that there is nothing worse than coming home to a snake slithering across your kitchen floor. Except when it disappears into your cabinets. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31639

You deserved it

3350

Tweet

Share

By cheatingapparently - 20/6/2020 23:06

Occam's razor

Today, I got an A+ on a writing assignment. My teacher asked me three times if I really did write this article myself, and didn't memorise an article from the Internet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1358

You deserved it

106

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada - Toronto

Today, my 8-year-old son told me to grow a pair and man up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29296

You deserved it

7682

Tweet

Share

By waterdog - United States

Today, I was carefully drawing blood from a drunk who'd threatened to kill me if I hurt him, when another drunk behind me decided to take a piss on my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38505

You deserved it

4334

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Santa Rosa Beach

Today, my hamster had babies. I came home just in time to witness her kick the mutilated bodies of her two babies out of her house, then crawl back in and go to sleep. Now my sister refuses to touch her and calls her a "baby-eating demon." FML

I agree, your life sucks

45757

You deserved it

4275

Tweet

Share

By reckless182 - United States

Today, I had to tell my 10 year old son that me and his father are getting a divorce. His reply? "Yes! I call living with dad!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

58031

You deserved it

13282

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got pulled over for a busted tail light. The officer gave me a warning and told me to fix it. Ten minutes later I was pulled over again for the same busted tail light by the same cop. This time he wrote me a ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37778

You deserved it

3681

Tweet

Share

By Canada20 - Canada - Windsor

The Passion of the Christ

Today, while helping at my grandma's church, the new Orthodox Priest encouraged me to come to confession because he was sure I would have "a lot of stories to tell" and finished by seductively winking at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3532

You deserved it

312

Tweet

Share

By nerdychick - United States

Stalker vibes

Today, I printed out a picture of the popular girl in school as a sort of 'model' for how I wanted my hair cut. The hairdresser taped the picture to the mirror so he could see. Halfway through, my 'model' came in for an appointment. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33923

You deserved it

22203

Tweet

Share

By Amberizzle - United States

Today, it is my three-year-anniversary with my boyfriend. I asked if he had planned anything for us, and he said yes. My parents volunteered to watch our daughter, I got all excited, and apparently our "plans" are to watch a football game. What do I get to do? Make sandwiches. For him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38737

You deserved it

8522

Tweet

Share

By bezoar10 - United States

Today, my mother and I went to lunch and there is a really cute waiter that works at the diner. I requested him to wait on us like I sometimes do. While we were waiting to be seated, I heard one waiter say to the cute one, "Ya, the creepy one is back, and this time she brought her mom!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

21804

You deserved it

70158

Tweet

Share

By FML - United States - Virginia Beach

Today, I had a rough day and was extremely tired. I took a nap on the couch, and woke up to a guy robbing my house. I pretended I was still sleeping, waiting a chance to grab him or run out safely. I ended up falling back asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46329

You deserved it

24153

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Thanks?

Today, I went out with a guy who, about 20 minutes into our dinner, said, "Wow, you don't sweat much for a fat chick." FML

I agree, your life sucks

5139

You deserved it

547

Tweet

Share

By BrokeAsAJoke - United States

Today, I got a chance to have dinner and a movie with a girl I've liked for a while. I ran late, so in a hurry to make the movie, and trying to be smooth for her, I told the waiter I'd "take care of him" if he made it fast. He did. When he brought the check, I realized I had forgotten my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21267

You deserved it

64135

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Tripartita | 44

#6617340 - Sunday 29 May 2016 6:43

Protip: If anybody needs a new car, I'd recommend finding out where the OP lives. There's apparently a car in their neighborhood with an alarm that is regularly ignored.

By thearronaut | 10

#6617345 - Sunday 29 May 2016 6:49

nice to see a community coming together

COMMENTS

By annoyedperson | 25

#6617334 - Sunday 29 May 2016 6:38

I'm guessing you'll be the leader

By SixthSinEnvy | 39

#6617335 - Sunday 29 May 2016 6:39

I hate people like that. Yeah you get used to your car alarm going off, but you have neighbors. We don't want to hear that shit. If it's that broken, fix it or I'm reporting you for noise pollution.

By dramaelf | 37

#6617338 - Sunday 29 May 2016 6:42

Spread birdseed on his car. Or really go for broke and just throw a live raccoon in the open window.

By Tripartita | 44

#6617340 - Sunday 29 May 2016 6:43

Protip: If anybody needs a new car, I'd recommend finding out where the OP lives. There's apparently a car in their neighborhood with an alarm that is regularly ignored.

By Iamskynet | 18

#6617344 - Sunday 29 May 2016 6:48

why don't you ask your neighbour to disable the alarm till he get it fixed. A conversation usually work more effectively than killing

Reply

RageWolf16 | 31

#6617396 - Sunday 29 May 2016 8:42

Are you sure? Because if you kill him then you can disable the alarm AND keep the car

Reply

meltingturtle | 24

#6617435 - Sunday 29 May 2016 10:40

Dead people can't say no, though

By thearronaut | 10

#6617345 - Sunday 29 May 2016 6:49

nice to see a community coming together

By Hildy93 | 21

#6617348 - Sunday 29 May 2016 6:53

Put his car up for sale on Craigslist and get his home phone from the phone book.

By patwo8 | 14

#6617350 - Sunday 29 May 2016 6:57

That'd drive me insane

By chuka81 | 27

#6617372 - Sunday 29 May 2016 7:44

Much like OP's neighbors, the English language has suffered a lot of abuse.

By trucker2 | 33

#6617373 - Sunday 29 May 2016 7:45

Have it towed to a repair shop that also provides wrecker service ...maybe they will get the hint