Today, after spending the night hanging out with a beautiful girl we start to walk back to my place. Halfway there she turns and says, "I wish you were a vampire" and goes back home. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I met a girl at the bar. Things were going really well and we ended up going back to her place. Problem? Her husband who normally works the graveyard shift was home sick. FML
Today, I woke up around 5am from a party I had last night, still quite drunk. This chick was lying next to me from the night before. I kissed her, and about a minute and a half into some heavy making out, she opened her eyes and said, "Oh, it's you." Then got up and walked out. FML
Today, my girlfriend did the walk of shame in a skimpy Halloween costume after a night of drunken sex. Problem? The walk ended at my doorstep, and the sex was with a stranger. FML
Today, I brought a girl home from the bar. After sleeping together, she drunkenly stumbles to the bathroom to wash up. On her way back, she accidentally walks into my parents' room, turns on the lights and asks where her clothes are before figuring it out. FML
Today, I had the girl of my dreams in my bed. She was laughing and smiling, kissing and talking. It was great. Then suddenly she said, "I want to go home; is that rude?" Then she left. I called, but now I'm blocked. FML
Today, on my way home from watching a movie with a girl, I began having an erection because I thought I could kiss her goodnight. She dropped me off at home, and with my full blown erection, I walked in front of her car with the headlights on. FML
Today, a girl I have been wanting for years told me she was drunk and needed me to take her home. On the way home she was very frisky and flirty, and I kept telling her to wait till we got to her place. When we finally arrived, she passed out on me and I was stuck there watching her sleep. FML
Today, it's 2:23 in the morning, and my drunken girlfriend has just rung me up from a party where she's the only girl there. She seems to be having a great time. FML
Today, I woke up after drunkenly hooking up with a girl who was really into Twilight. I felt bruises on the lower end of my neck and so I went to the mirror and checked it out. She bit me, 5 times. FML
Today, after having some drinks at the club, I went home with this awesome girl. When I woke up, I thought the house looked really familiar. It belonged to my ex's younger sister. FML
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Top comments
Luckster 0
Sounds like another retarded Twilight fan. Find someone who doesn't dwell on the fantasy world.
Millybug 0
And Twilight screws over another poor guy. Ok-- I am a Twilight fan, they are wretchedly cheesy teen romance novels, but still I am a fan. On that note; Twilighters, those stupid, obsessive, moronic little fangirls who want every guy to be like Edward should be shot in the face. Sorry dude, that really blows.
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Comments (654)
AoME_fml_fml 0
lol twilight moment indeed
rice_cake 0
hahaha vampires are the most attractive thing alive. bite me anyday edward! as for you, im very sorry. it must suck for the male population to be constantly compared with a fantasy creature...
ffffffffffmylife 0
Hmm, YDI for not being a vampire.
oxymoronic 0
DON'T BLAME TWILIGHT. BLAME STUPID PEOPLE.
Silas_fml 0
Your ideal response? "I wish you were a real person." Think faster.
JillAGillbert 0
haha! the power of Twilight!! #31- what are you trying to spell?
Bojana 6
LOOOOL......I'm sorry 4 u but this is so funny cause it shows how some people can be.......morons....... but I still like Twilight............
SonicGirl09 0
k this is the creepiest thing i have ever heard
KarmaHatesUs 0
I AM a twilight fan but I realise it is FICTION. Edward is NOT a creepy stalker/perverted peodiphile who deserves painful death/universal hate, OR real. I DON'T love him, but I DON'T appreciate the attitude a lot of you people here have. A SMALL MINORITY of twilight fans are this crazy, but most are just having fun and escaping into the pages of a good book, something A LOT of people do that is NOT weird OR SAD. What is weird and sad is sitting around writing about how much you dislike something, because seriously, who actually has the time to do that? I'm only here because I'm sick today. Get over yourselves and stop wasting you life bashing stuff and repelling girls. You know, when I read twilight I hoped that it would raise girls expectations, and those raised expectations would encourage guys to act like gentlemen. Instead, you lot have just decided to hate it and call every single person who even remotely enjoyed the book a psychopath. Then again, if that's what you do for fun, I won't stop you...
KarmaHatesUs 0
@393 I guess you're just as sour as your name.