Today, after spending the night hanging out with a beautiful girl we start to walk back to my place. Halfway there she turns and says, "I wish you were a vampire" and goes back home. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I met a girl at the bar. Things were going really well and we ended up going back to her place. Problem? Her husband who normally works the graveyard shift was home sick. FML
Today, I woke up around 5am from a party I had last night, still quite drunk. This chick was lying next to me from the night before. I kissed her, and about a minute and a half into some heavy making out, she opened her eyes and said, "Oh, it's you." Then got up and walked out. FML
Today, my girlfriend did the walk of shame in a skimpy Halloween costume after a night of drunken sex. Problem? The walk ended at my doorstep, and the sex was with a stranger. FML
Today, I brought a girl home from the bar. After sleeping together, she drunkenly stumbles to the bathroom to wash up. On her way back, she accidentally walks into my parents' room, turns on the lights and asks where her clothes are before figuring it out. FML
Today, I had the girl of my dreams in my bed. She was laughing and smiling, kissing and talking. It was great. Then suddenly she said, "I want to go home; is that rude?" Then she left. I called, but now I'm blocked. FML
Today, on my way home from watching a movie with a girl, I began having an erection because I thought I could kiss her goodnight. She dropped me off at home, and with my full blown erection, I walked in front of her car with the headlights on. FML
Today, a girl I have been wanting for years told me she was drunk and needed me to take her home. On the way home she was very frisky and flirty, and I kept telling her to wait till we got to her place. When we finally arrived, she passed out on me and I was stuck there watching her sleep. FML
Today, it's 2:23 in the morning, and my drunken girlfriend has just rung me up from a party where she's the only girl there. She seems to be having a great time. FML
Today, I woke up after drunkenly hooking up with a girl who was really into Twilight. I felt bruises on the lower end of my neck and so I went to the mirror and checked it out. She bit me, 5 times. FML
Today, after having some drinks at the club, I went home with this awesome girl. When I woke up, I thought the house looked really familiar. It belonged to my ex's younger sister. FML
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Top comments
Luckster 0
Sounds like another retarded Twilight fan. Find someone who doesn't dwell on the fantasy world.
Millybug 0
And Twilight screws over another poor guy. Ok-- I am a Twilight fan, they are wretchedly cheesy teen romance novels, but still I am a fan. On that note; Twilighters, those stupid, obsessive, moronic little fangirls who want every guy to be like Edward should be shot in the face. Sorry dude, that really blows.
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Comments (654)
Beeebop 0
YDI For not being a Vampire...?
x_S_qx 0
Cullen insane :S
Melly18 0
OMG, that's hilarious!!
liviis_luck 0
thank you #105! finally someone else thinks all these haters are just uncalled for.
nikkirito 0
Vampires are pretty damn sexy, regardless of the existence of Edward Cullen.
JustifiedChaos 0
Bram Stoker, Anne Rice > Stephanie meyer. I used to like twilight. Read it before it was near popular and now it's gone to shit. My sister is an obsessed fangirl who is convinced she is going to marry Rob Pattinson. I sympathize with the OP. Twlight book burning anyone?
judgeymcjudge 0
*is laughing so much over here* This is awesome XD For what it's worth, I do have to give Twilight credit where it's due - yes, it raised expectations to a point where it's absolutely absurd, but that being said, it reinforced some basic expectations in general: when they say they want an Edward (aside from the bizarre stalkerish, controlling and posessive bullshit) I expect what they want is chivalry, devotion and someone to think the world of them, which I don't think is unrealistic or unfair, really. And if it is, well, I don't blame them for wanting a fictional character. But what this chick said... "I wish you were a vampire"... may not be that kind of thing at all. Maybe she wants someone who sparkles, feels ice cold and rock hard, who burns with the desire to kill her and is so strong that he can't sleep with her without destroying her one way or another. Yeeeeaaaaaaah. Leave that well enough alone, my friend. Also, #20 (Luckster) is totally right. SMeyer's vampires follow the same trait as the books - they are made to be obviously perfect, designed so that the only option is the inevitable "happily ever after" and everything is provided so that that end can be met with minimum effort. Apparently she (SMeyer) actually said she gave the characters as little personality as possible, so the readers could make up their own. I can't believe that kind of **** up was actually INTENTIONAL. What kind of writing is that? If we wanted to make up characters, we'd write our own ******* books. **** you, SMeyer. Find another career path.
FlatBaby 0
Omg.. Robert Pattinson.. As Edward Cullen.. Come on.. He's not even a real vampire.. Sure, Twilight is a good movie, but thats just.. Too much
CurdledMilk 0
Oh my God. ******* "Twilight" is taking over the goddamn world. I'm thinking about drowning myself just so I don't have to hear about the "Twilight" shit any longer. Oh, but wait, I'll probably end up hearing about it in hell, too, huh? Shit. Just be happy the girl bailed -- maybe she ended up getting hit by a car or something. Or! Kidnapped by Edward ******' Cullen. -_-
vag_fml 0
seriously, little girls love those ridiculous books. twilight can suck it.