Today, after spending the night hanging out with a beautiful girl we start to walk back to my place. Halfway there she turns and says, "I wish you were a vampire" and goes back home. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I met a girl at the bar. Things were going really well and we ended up going back to her place. Problem? Her husband who normally works the graveyard shift was home sick. FML
Today, I woke up around 5am from a party I had last night, still quite drunk. This chick was lying next to me from the night before. I kissed her, and about a minute and a half into some heavy making out, she opened her eyes and said, "Oh, it's you." Then got up and walked out. FML
Today, my girlfriend did the walk of shame in a skimpy Halloween costume after a night of drunken sex. Problem? The walk ended at my doorstep, and the sex was with a stranger. FML
Today, I brought a girl home from the bar. After sleeping together, she drunkenly stumbles to the bathroom to wash up. On her way back, she accidentally walks into my parents' room, turns on the lights and asks where her clothes are before figuring it out. FML
Today, I had the girl of my dreams in my bed. She was laughing and smiling, kissing and talking. It was great. Then suddenly she said, "I want to go home; is that rude?" Then she left. I called, but now I'm blocked. FML
Today, on my way home from watching a movie with a girl, I began having an erection because I thought I could kiss her goodnight. She dropped me off at home, and with my full blown erection, I walked in front of her car with the headlights on. FML
Today, a girl I have been wanting for years told me she was drunk and needed me to take her home. On the way home she was very frisky and flirty, and I kept telling her to wait till we got to her place. When we finally arrived, she passed out on me and I was stuck there watching her sleep. FML
Today, it's 2:23 in the morning, and my drunken girlfriend has just rung me up from a party where she's the only girl there. She seems to be having a great time. FML
Today, I woke up after drunkenly hooking up with a girl who was really into Twilight. I felt bruises on the lower end of my neck and so I went to the mirror and checked it out. She bit me, 5 times. FML
Today, after having some drinks at the club, I went home with this awesome girl. When I woke up, I thought the house looked really familiar. It belonged to my ex's younger sister. FML
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Top comments
Luckster 0
Sounds like another retarded Twilight fan. Find someone who doesn't dwell on the fantasy world.
Millybug 0
And Twilight screws over another poor guy. Ok-- I am a Twilight fan, they are wretchedly cheesy teen romance novels, but still I am a fan. On that note; Twilighters, those stupid, obsessive, moronic little fangirls who want every guy to be like Edward should be shot in the face. Sorry dude, that really blows.
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Comments (654)
eryn13 5
Find a girl that is not crazy!
takran 0
Run. Run as fast as you can away from these twilight-obsessed freaks.
jhandsha 0
It means she wishes you were smooth and seductive, like how vampires are portrayed in most Hollywood films. Watch "Interview With A Vampire (1994)" and you'll get the idea of what she was looking for. Contrary to many of the above posts, she's probably not lamenting on how you're not killing her and she's probably not crazy. She just wants you to be smooth.
fp_nbl 0
i told my boyfriend that one night while i read, and he did dishes
lamoo 0
hahahahaha #323 i think u were tyring to aim tht towards mee...u wrote #315 instead of #316 smartyyy=] and some1 commented saying something along the lines of... thats so sad but im a twilight fan myself and i have to admit id do something like that haha what is twilight doing to the world but i cant find the comment aaain j ust syaingg iiiii completleeyyyyy aggreeeee hahahaaa=]
1233567890 0
She's crazy! I love twilight!! But I don't expect vampires to exist and crap like that. Edward is way to controling. And I don't talk about twilight to my friends about it. You should be glad that she's gone... FYL
1233567890 0
She's crazy! I love twilight!! But I don't expect vampires to exist and crap like that. Edward is way to controling. And I don't talk about twilight to my friends about it. You should be glad that she's gone... FYL
UnCensoredBitch 0
YDI for not being a vampire. Twatlight - FTW! :P LMAO!
juicebahx 0
God, I am tired of this ******* vampire phase. It's about time teenaged (and older, how pathetic) girls get over it. Vampires are fake. The end.
j_baby_06 0
LOL. EDWARD IS UGLY!!! i don't get other females obsession with him. Sorry man, next time just bite her, some women like that and i'm guessing she's one of them.