Today, after spending the night hanging out with a beautiful girl we start to walk back to my place. Halfway there she turns and says, "I wish you were a vampire" and goes back home. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I met a girl at the bar. Things were going really well and we ended up going back to her place. Problem? Her husband who normally works the graveyard shift was home sick. FML
Today, I woke up around 5am from a party I had last night, still quite drunk. This chick was lying next to me from the night before. I kissed her, and about a minute and a half into some heavy making out, she opened her eyes and said, "Oh, it's you." Then got up and walked out. FML
Today, my girlfriend did the walk of shame in a skimpy Halloween costume after a night of drunken sex. Problem? The walk ended at my doorstep, and the sex was with a stranger. FML
Today, I brought a girl home from the bar. After sleeping together, she drunkenly stumbles to the bathroom to wash up. On her way back, she accidentally walks into my parents' room, turns on the lights and asks where her clothes are before figuring it out. FML
Today, I had the girl of my dreams in my bed. She was laughing and smiling, kissing and talking. It was great. Then suddenly she said, "I want to go home; is that rude?" Then she left. I called, but now I'm blocked. FML
Today, on my way home from watching a movie with a girl, I began having an erection because I thought I could kiss her goodnight. She dropped me off at home, and with my full blown erection, I walked in front of her car with the headlights on. FML
Today, a girl I have been wanting for years told me she was drunk and needed me to take her home. On the way home she was very frisky and flirty, and I kept telling her to wait till we got to her place. When we finally arrived, she passed out on me and I was stuck there watching her sleep. FML
Today, it's 2:23 in the morning, and my drunken girlfriend has just rung me up from a party where she's the only girl there. She seems to be having a great time. FML
Today, I woke up after drunkenly hooking up with a girl who was really into Twilight. I felt bruises on the lower end of my neck and so I went to the mirror and checked it out. She bit me, 5 times. FML
Today, after having some drinks at the club, I went home with this awesome girl. When I woke up, I thought the house looked really familiar. It belonged to my ex's younger sister. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Luckster 0
Sounds like another retarded Twilight fan. Find someone who doesn't dwell on the fantasy world.
Millybug 0
And Twilight screws over another poor guy. Ok-- I am a Twilight fan, they are wretchedly cheesy teen romance novels, but still I am a fan. On that note; Twilighters, those stupid, obsessive, moronic little fangirls who want every guy to be like Edward should be shot in the face. Sorry dude, that really blows.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (654)
SonicGirl09 0
@403 i dont like the twilight books at all but i agree with what you are saying about people needing to chill out, all of my friends like it. but still what the girl said would creep me out not the fact that its probably b/c of twilight but b/c vampires are scary
KarmaHatesUs 0
People, learn to spell "Twilight" before you criticise it. I ask of you that much.
SonicGirl09 0
criticize* FYI
buffy09 0
I'd just like to agree with everyone who is criticising Twilight for misrepresenting vampires. Yes, I realise it's a fictional creature, but it still has a definition. If you're going to base an entire story about a fictional creature, at least get it right. She could have at least named it something else. If she wanted to write about vampires, she should have written about VAMPIRES. I've seen the first film... read a bit of the first book. (I agree that it's poorly written; people who compare those books to Harry Potter should die a thousand deaths because JK Rowling is a GENIUS!) I don't understand the attraction to Edward. He can hardly kiss her without having to stop because he's going to bite her and kill her. Have fun being stuck with a man forever who you can't even have SEX with. That sounds funnnn... he kinda ISSSS like the Jonas Brothers. No sex! Which is also a pity cos Joe's really fit... Also, I would expect this behaviour from chubby 14 year old girls who get no attention from the boys at school cos they're unattractive... so they choose to lose themselves in this fantasy world... but an attractive woman? What. The. Shit. Embrace reality, love! She needs counselling.
DarkMirror 0
Um, you may have dodged a bullet here...
Hoshiko20 1
Twilight is for prepubescent children. And yes, I have read them all. They read like a halfway decent fanfiction and I've read better fanfiction than what was published. If you want a real vampire story, go read LKH's Anita Blake or Sherrilyn Kenyon's Dark hunter series. The men in THOSE books make Edward look like a little boy.
lalaloveit 0
Why the hell do twilight fans find vampires 'sexy' ? All I see from the book Twilight is that vampires are controlling freaks, sparkle at day time (which by the way is the stupidest thing i've ever heard), and feel horny 24/7. That is not "attractive."
fmlreaderr 0
Hahahaha, that's hilarious, I'm sorry... you can thank Stephenie Meyer for that. This girl must have just read Twilight. While I understand her love for Edward Cullen, girls need to realize the difference between fantasy and reality.
dyingstart 0
hah. All girls wish they were with Edward Cullen, even though he's an overpossessive douchehat
MarshMan245 0
what the ****!?