By dan - 25/06/2013 04:22 - United States - Phoenix

Spicy
Today, after going out to dinner with my girlfriend, we went back to my place and things started getting hot. I went in the bathroom and put on a green condom. She wouldn't have sex with me because it looked "like a cucumber" and "cucumbers are nasty." FML
I agree, your life sucks 56 242
You deserved it 15 342

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Top comments

perdix 29

Yeah, cucumbers suck!! They are only useful if you dunk them in a salty, acid solution or slice them finely to put over swollen eyelids. Is that what you want for your dick? You should always go with yellow condoms -- they drive the ladies . . . *lowers sunglasses* bananas.

dinosxxrawr 22

she needs to eat her vegetables.

Comments

Try carrot next time.

just be glad she said it's a cucumber and not a jalapeño.

Funny thing is, my wife actually prefers a cucumber... I try not to take it personally.

Laby_fml 9

"No honey, it's a pickle. Tangy and zesty, ready to wow your taste buds."

Say it's a cactus. Watch out for the prick! :P

Tigerblossom 19

She doesn't carrot all as long as its not a cucumber!

#22 I'm not going to lie, I found that hilarious. Poor thing..

86 your pun is not punny at all

punjabtimelord 18

Cucumbers are delicious! How dare she!?!?

Perhaps she's just never had a nice fresh one.

dinosxxrawr 22

she needs to eat her vegetables.

of at least suck 'em!

A cucumber is a fruit, though.

Don't ruin the fun, #51

Hide it quickly so she wouldn't see it. Win win!

Wizardo 33

Tell her you can make it disappear... into her.

Just tell her that it will pickle once inside

This made me snort in the middle of class. Lol!

football98_fml 20

tell her its a decieving banana

That sounds like the next James Bond movie "The Deceiving Banana", starring Daniel Craig, and Carrot Top as The Banana, for some reason...

13 your description sounds more like James Bondage than an actual Bond film.

"Rated R for Retarded" belongs here as well lol

Tell her she needs her Five a Day, and you'll see you'll both be cucumming in no time.

Well, atleast she didn't tried to bite it!

dinosxxrawr 22

at* least* try*

CharresBarkrey 15

Come on, 12. English isn't their native language, don't be a bitch.

nnnope 26

18 - because everyone stalks the profiles of people with poor grammar before swinging the grammar Nazi hammer at them.

Well, they are there to be read after all. If someone wants to write a rude response, they could at least take a moment to glance at it.

"Rated R for Retarded"

I say remove the Nazi and just start saying, dropping the grammar hammer.

Cucumbers are better when dipped