Today, after going out to dinner with my girlfriend, we went...

By dan - 25/6/2013 04:22 - United States - Phoenix

Today, after going out to dinner with my girlfriend, we went back to my place and things started getting hot. I went in the bathroom and put on a green condom. She wouldn't have sex with me because it looked "like a cucumber" and "cucumbers are nasty." FML

I agree, your life sucks

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You deserved it

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Top comments

By perdix | 29

#5551496 - Tuesday 25 June 2013 12:14

Yeah, cucumbers suck!! They are only useful if you dunk them in a salty, acid solution or slice them finely to put over swollen eyelids. Is that what you want for your dick?

You should always go with yellow condoms -- they drive the ladies . . .

*lowers sunglasses*

bananas.

By dinosxxrawr | 22

#5551479 - Tuesday 25 June 2013 12:08

she needs to eat her vegetables.

Comments

By SgrA | 18

#5551476 - Tuesday 25 June 2013 12:07

Try carrot next time.

thatkidhesh | 11

#5551524 - Tuesday 25 June 2013 12:33

just be glad she said it's a cucumber and not a jalapeño.

feelingold | 18

#5551543 - Tuesday 25 June 2013 12:44

Funny thing is, my wife actually prefers a cucumber... I try not to take it personally.

Laby_fml | 9

#5551573 - Tuesday 25 June 2013 13:32

"No honey, it's a pickle. Tangy and zesty, ready to wow your taste buds."

Enslaved | 36

#5551705 - Tuesday 25 June 2013 15:57

Say it's a cactus. Watch out for the prick! :P

Tigerblossom | 19

#5552472 - Tuesday 25 June 2013 23:59

She doesn't carrot all as long as its not a cucumber!

imaginaryvoice | 18

#5552482 - Wednesday 26 June 2013 0:10

#22 I'm not going to lie, I found that hilarious. Poor thing..

green2go | 14

#5553513 - Wednesday 26 June 2013 17:08

86 your pun is not punny at all

By punjabtimelord | 18

#5551478 - Tuesday 25 June 2013 12:08

Cucumbers are delicious! How dare she!?!?

SirMichael | 13

#5551966 - Tuesday 25 June 2013 18:22

Perhaps she's just never had a nice fresh one.

By dinosxxrawr | 22

#5551479 - Tuesday 25 June 2013 12:08

she needs to eat her vegetables.

Dewoe | 18

#5551620 - Tuesday 25 June 2013 14:16

of at least suck 'em!

datgamerchick | 14

#5551706 - Tuesday 25 June 2013 15:57

A cucumber is a fruit, though.

Clioo_fml | 17

#5551888 - Tuesday 25 June 2013 17:22

Don't ruin the fun, #51

By Acik91 | 26

#5551482 - Tuesday 25 June 2013 12:09

Hide it quickly so she wouldn't see it. Win win!

By Wizardo | 33

#5551486 - Tuesday 25 June 2013 12:10

Tell her you can make it disappear... into her.

By Ambient25 | 24

#5551487 - Tuesday 25 June 2013 12:11

Just tell her that it will pickle once inside

Nekogami | 14

#5551854 - Tuesday 25 June 2013 16:57

This made me snort in the middle of class. Lol!

By football98_fml | 20

#5551488 - Tuesday 25 June 2013 12:11

tell her its a decieving banana

joawmeens | 7

#5551505 - Tuesday 25 June 2013 12:19

That sounds like the next James Bond movie "The Deceiving Banana", starring Daniel Craig, and Carrot Top as The Banana, for some reason...

thatkidhesh | 11

#5551552 - Tuesday 25 June 2013 12:53

13 your description sounds more like James Bondage than an actual Bond film.

Ambient25 | 24

#5551650 - Tuesday 25 June 2013 14:45

"Rated R for Retarded" belongs here as well lol

By Pleonasm | 34

#5551489 - Tuesday 25 June 2013 12:11

Tell her she needs her Five a Day, and you'll see you'll both be cucumming in no time.

By pedinhuh | 23

#5551492 - Tuesday 25 June 2013 12:12

Well, atleast she didn't tried to bite it!

dinosxxrawr | 22

#5551497 - Tuesday 25 June 2013 12:15

at* least* try*

Ambient25 | 24

#5551515 - Tuesday 25 June 2013 12:24

ass*

CharresBarkrey | 15

#5551529 - Tuesday 25 June 2013 12:36

Come on, 12. English isn't their native language, don't be a bitch.

nnnope | 26

#5551540 - Tuesday 25 June 2013 12:43

18 - because everyone stalks the profiles of people with poor grammar before swinging the grammar Nazi hammer at them.

chatokun | 10

#5551567 - Tuesday 25 June 2013 13:22

Well, they are there to be read after all. If someone wants to write a rude response, they could at least take a moment to glance at it.

Ambient25 | 24

#5551604 - Tuesday 25 June 2013 14:02

"Rated R for Retarded"

kurodansei | 16

#5552059 - Tuesday 25 June 2013 19:07

I say remove the Nazi and just start saying, dropping the grammar hammer.

By kpc2424 | 13

#5551495 - Tuesday 25 June 2013 12:14

Cucumbers are better when dipped