Today, after going out to dinner with my girlfriend, we went back to my place and things started getting hot. I went in the bathroom and put on a green condom. She wouldn't have sex with me because it looked "like a cucumber" and "cucumbers are nasty." FML
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By
SgrA
| 18
Try carrot next time.
Reply
thatkidhesh
| 11
just be glad she said it's a cucumber and not a jalapeño.
Reply
feelingold
| 18
Funny thing is, my wife actually prefers a cucumber... I try not to take it personally.
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Laby_fml
| 9
"No honey, it's a pickle. Tangy and zesty, ready to wow your taste buds."
Reply
Enslaved
| 36
Say it's a cactus. Watch out for the prick! :P
Reply
Tigerblossom
| 19
She doesn't carrot all as long as its not a cucumber!
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imaginaryvoice
| 18
#22 I'm not going to lie, I found that hilarious. Poor thing..
Reply
green2go
| 14
86 your pun is not punny at all
By
punjabtimelord
| 18
Cucumbers are delicious! How dare she!?!?
Reply
SirMichael
| 13
Perhaps she's just never had a nice fresh one.
By
dinosxxrawr
| 22
she needs to eat her vegetables.
Reply
Dewoe
| 18
of at least suck 'em!
Reply
datgamerchick
| 14
A cucumber is a fruit, though.
Reply
Clioo_fml
| 17
Don't ruin the fun, #51
By
Acik91
| 26
Hide it quickly so she wouldn't see it. Win win!
By
Wizardo
| 33
Tell her you can make it disappear... into her.
By
Ambient25
| 24
Just tell her that it will pickle once inside
Reply
Nekogami
| 14
This made me snort in the middle of class. Lol!
By
football98_fml
| 20
tell her its a decieving banana
Reply
joawmeens
| 7
That sounds like the next James Bond movie "The Deceiving Banana", starring Daniel Craig, and Carrot Top as The Banana, for some reason...
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thatkidhesh
| 11
13 your description sounds more like James Bondage than an actual Bond film.
Reply
Ambient25
| 24
"Rated R for Retarded" belongs here as well lol
By
Pleonasm
| 34
Tell her she needs her Five a Day, and you'll see you'll both be cucumming in no time.
By
pedinhuh
| 23
Well, atleast she didn't tried to bite it!
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dinosxxrawr
| 22
at* least* try*
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Ambient25
| 24
ass*
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CharresBarkrey
| 15
Come on, 12. English isn't their native language, don't be a bitch.
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nnnope
| 26
18 - because everyone stalks the profiles of people with poor grammar before swinging the grammar Nazi hammer at them.
Reply
chatokun
| 10
Well, they are there to be read after all. If someone wants to write a rude response, they could at least take a moment to glance at it.
Reply
Ambient25
| 24
"Rated R for Retarded"
Reply
kurodansei
| 16
I say remove the Nazi and just start saying, dropping the grammar hammer.
By
kpc2424
| 13
Cucumbers are better when dipped
You should always go with yellow condoms -- they drive the ladies . . .
*lowers sunglasses*
bananas.