By psychobunnycutie - 29/1/2021 14:02

Cut her off

Today, my mom messaged me and was acting weird, we don't have a real relationship. Turns out, she wanted to tell me to stop posting selfies because "it's making her feel bad about her appearance." The worst part? She said, "My husband likes you more than me sexually." That's your big concern? FML

I agree, your life sucks

955

You deserved it

65

Tweet

Share

Triage

Walk on the wild side

The smell detective is on the case

By laydeegaga

Today, my mom cleaned my room, while doing so she found a very detailed sex book I got from an ex boyfriend as a "gift". For years I had her convinced I was still a virgin, until today. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8369

You deserved it

28742

Tweet

Share

By kittynapper - United States - Denver

Today, I found out that my cat, that I've had for 3 years, is actually my neighbor's missing cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53441

You deserved it

6855

Tweet

Share

By TheJeremyMoe - United States

Today, my bike was stolen. Partially. Since I always locked it up, some asswipe thought it would be funny to steal the handlebar stem and the seat, leaving the actual handlebar dangling by the brake cables. Since there was no way to steer or sit, I had to carry my bike one mile back to my dorm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1611

You deserved it

97

Tweet

Share

By raiden

Today, it's my first day of high school. It's also my first day of a three-day in-school suspension. The reason? I sat next to a girl and she immediately got up and told the teacher that she didn't "feel safe". FML

I agree, your life sucks

3808

You deserved it

200

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, after about a year of keeping it a secret from my girlfriend, I told her about my foot fetish. She said "EWWWWWWWW!" and left. She's ignoring my calls and has changed her relationship status to single on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23384

You deserved it

6487

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, I was talking to my mother when we both heard a continuous buzzing noise. Unable to locate the source of the noise we gave up. About an hour later, my mother yells down the stairs to me. Turns out my dog stole my vibrator, chewed it and presented it to my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9300

You deserved it

1541

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Hockessin

Today, I got a mosquito bite inside my cast. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42375

You deserved it

2360

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Ozark

Today, I confessed to my girlfriend that I cheated on her. She told me that she needed time to think, and left. An hour later, her dad came by with a baseball bat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29183

You deserved it

146574

Tweet

Share

By whatchagonnado - Canada - Victoria

Today, while at my boyfriend's house, I needed to use the bathroom. I decided to be a good girlfriend and leave the seat up for him. He later yelled at me for not putting the seat down because he needed to take a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37853

You deserved it

8834

Tweet

Share

By johnboy - United States

Today, I went for a run. When I got home, no one was there so I took off my clothes and laid on the cool wood floor. I decided to call my girlfriend and we started talking in baby voices. That's when my mom walked into the house witnessing everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10805

You deserved it

36985

Tweet

Share

By newestallen

MILs gonna MIL...

Today, I married the love of my life, which was meant to stay secret until we can afford a ceremony. I opened Facebook to see that my hubby’s mom made a post about it, called me her new daughter-in-law, and tagged me. All 3 things we specifically asked her not to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3224

You deserved it

413

Tweet

Share

By fire - United States

Today, I interviewed for a full scholarship to college. In the interview I said that I was excited about the new dean because I think she’ll be able to really make improvements and bring the school back to where it used to be. After the interview, I learned my interviewer was the former dean. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58346

You deserved it

22651

Tweet

Share

By spandex - United States

Today, I had to perform a skit in my class in which I have to wear tight spandex compression shorts. The class laughed pretty hard, and I felt like I had done a good job. Afterward, a girl I have a crush on said, "So the stereotype about Asian guys IS true." Through the fluorescent lights you could see my junk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

85298

You deserved it

11887

Tweet

Share

By Hypocrisy - United States

Today, I was called a pervert. On a phone sex line. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19601

You deserved it

56617

Tweet

Share

By jacques - Australia

Today, I ran into my ex's family, and found out they are going to Europe. Funnily enough, so am I. Even funnier is the fact that we are going on the same date, at the same time, on the same flights, and the tour starts on the same day in the same place. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40962

You deserved it

3808

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 9/11/2020 06:01 - Pakistan - Islamabad

Pompous twat

Today, this guy who I thought was my friend said that my "existence is of minimal consequence," and that I'm "an individual I clearly don't acknowledge." All this after he'd said, "I'm not trying to hurt you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

878

You deserved it

70

Tweet

Share

By stopinthenameoflove - Ireland - Dublin

Today, my girlfriend thought it'd be witty to buy a miniature stop sign, and hold it up when she gets bored during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54981

You deserved it

15374

Tweet

Share

By I tried

Lockdown is driving us down

Today, my husband went on a tirade, accusing me of bullying and being too hard on our kids. Apparently, I’m taking this homeschool thing too serious, and I need to cut them a break. All I did was make them write their letters and numbers on paper instead of just using their tablets. Yeah, real mean. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1944

You deserved it

163

Tweet

Share

By Mandy - United States

Today, I finished a drawing that I spent over 14 hours working on for my mom for Mother's Day. I took it outside to seal it with fixative. I took of the clear lid, shook the can, then sprayed red spray paint all over my art. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54620

You deserved it

24614

Tweet

Share

By dempasi - United States - Utica

Today, while shopping, I told my wife I'd love some pork chops for dinner. Someone nearby muttered, "That's practically cannibalism, ya fat pig." My wife immediately had a "coughing attack" that sounded suspiciously like it was covering up laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14550

You deserved it

2498

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Hygiene 101

Today, my mother refused to talk to me because I wouldn't let her use my deodorant stick. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1627

You deserved it

266

Tweet

Share

By Lady Julia KaNeko - United States - Meridian

Today, after going to bed at a decent time last night so I could get up early, I overslept. Not only that, I thought today was the day of my job interview, so I rushed to get ready and go. As I parked in the parking lot, I realized today was the day before said interview. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1396

You deserved it

418

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my nephew spent a long while enthusiastically telling me how amazing his new 3D TV system is. I felt his pain as his face turned white when he remembered that I'm blind in one eye since birth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32447

You deserved it

2574

Tweet

Share

By accidentalslut - United States

Today, I met a hot guy at a club and we really hit it off. We went back to his place and we got down to business. After, I noticed he had an iPod Touch on his nightstand. I complimented him on it and he responded with, "Yeah, my girlfriend gave it to me as an anniversary present." FML

I agree, your life sucks

22044

You deserved it

56094

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my husband and I have been trying to buy a house and start a family together. Now I find out that he just spent $5000 on comic books. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33194

You deserved it

4476

Tweet

Share

By Idiot says "HIPAA violation" - United States - Roanoke

Today, another idiot was admitted to my hospital with a foreign object up his ass. Yet again, the excuse went along the lines of "I tripped and fell on it." Please, someone tell me how you can accidentally trip anus-first onto the end of a cucumber, which just so happens to have a condom on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35068

You deserved it

2527

Tweet

Share

By melonhead - Australia

Today, my friends thought it would be funny to try and break a watermelon on my head while I was asleep on the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34789

You deserved it

3710

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to my friend's house to give him some moral support as he came out of the closet to his family. I left with a black eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46499

You deserved it

6268

Tweet

Share

By NittanyMangini - United States

Today, I was taking a biology final and was just randomly tapping my pencil. My teacher thought I was somehow communicating with the person next to me, and decided to fail me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15199

You deserved it

1500

Tweet

Share

By 34_22_34 - United States

Today, my boyfriend proposed. He said we’d go pick up the ring tomorrow. Then he asked to borrow $40 to get it out of pawn. He pawned it when his ex gave it back to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39131

You deserved it

4845

Tweet

Share

By alternativefacts

Today, I confronted my neighbor because he'd been telling my kids that global warming was a myth. He responded with, "Whine all you want, but the swamp is draining and your bullshit liberal narrative is finally going down." He then dumped his trash on my lawn and retreated to his house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4847

You deserved it

1191

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my ex-girlfriend came over to console me after a breakup. After beating me repeatedly in Mariokart, she decided to leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23081

You deserved it

8466

Tweet

Share

By CaptainSosuke - United States

Today, I tripped over my own shoelace after explaining to my boyfriend that my shoes being untied were good luck for me. He then took that as the grand opportunity to tell me that we were breaking up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25823

You deserved it

8368

Tweet

Share

By Lonley Lesbian - 17/6/2020 02:02

Bye bye love, hello loneliness

Today, I finally worked up the courage to ask my crush out. Also today, she changed her Facebook status to "In a relationship." I'm so damn lonely. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1245

You deserved it

240

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I saw a my neighbor being mugged on the street. I wanted to help, so I tried to yank her purse from the mugger's hands. I guess my neighbor didn't see me clearly, because she thought I was another mugger and kicked my directly in the happy sacks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33547

You deserved it

3578

Tweet

Share

By cumhole - Canada - Toronto

Today, after great sex with my boyfriend, I lay in my bed while he went to get a drink from downstairs. Hearing someone come up, I shouted out as a joke, "Damn babe, I'm covered in cum, was there a hole you didn't fill?" It wasn't my boyfriend, it was my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19478

You deserved it

69546

Tweet

Share

By Noname - United States

Today, I went to get a condom because my boyfriend and I were going to have sex for the first time. When I opened the drawer, I saw that every single condom had a Jesus pin stabbed through it, and a note on top of the box: "love mom." FML

I agree, your life sucks

135600

You deserved it

24391

Tweet

Share

By jobless - United States

Today, I got an invitation to my "going away lunch" the company is throwing for me. I didn't know I was leaving. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34606

You deserved it

1975

Tweet

Share

By BigKid - 28/1/2021 21:30

Grow up

Today, I threw a tantrum because my younger sister ate my chocolate. I'm almost 18. FML

I agree, your life sucks

219

You deserved it

997

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, after a trip to the emergency room for severe stomach pain and almost passing out in the shower, I slipped on the wet bathroom floor and broke my two front teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1853

You deserved it

105

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Bogrbon | 23

#7967959 - Friday 29 January 2021 17:09

Long story short - stay the heck away from her and her kind of creepy husband.

By mando | 10

#7968048 - Friday 29 January 2021 23:17

Your mother should have been more concerned with your safety. I'm sorry you have to deal with this. I hope you are able to heal and move on with your life.

COMMENTS

By Bogrbon | 23

#7967959 - Friday 29 January 2021 17:09

Long story short - stay the heck away from her and her kind of creepy husband.

Reply

RichardPencil | 30

#7968010 - Friday 29 January 2021 20:44

What if she's into that step-dad kink?

By mando | 10

#7968048 - Friday 29 January 2021 23:17

Your mother should have been more concerned with your safety. I'm sorry you have to deal with this. I hope you are able to heal and move on with your life.

By namine120409 | 40

#7968168 - Saturday 30 January 2021 14:31

Block her and her husband on all of your socials. If you don’t have a real relationship anyways, it shouldn’t really matter much, and then she won’t get to see any of your selfies even if she eventually wanted to.