Money and Health: "Shit ticket for one"

"Shit ticket for one"

By Anonymous - 10/08/2018 15:00

Today, my household ran out of toilet paper so we have to shower after every dump. My mom just confessed that she does in fact have money for shit tickets, but won't buy any because it's the only way she can get my brother to shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 204

You deserved it 278

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Same thing different taste

Cheapskate

By Anonymous - 11/01/2011 17:09 - United States

Today, my entire family of five is sharing one roll of toilet paper. My parents refuse to buy any, because my father can get it free from his work. He's forgotten to bring any home every day without fail for the past seven days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 532

You deserved it 3 411

By Anonymous - 06/02/2015 08:26 - Canada - Maple Ridge

Today, after a day, I finally noticed that the toilet paper I'd been using to wipe my butt is actually a roll of paper towel cut in half. My dad thinks that it's a waste of money to buy proper paper. Guess who had to unclog the toilet twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 105

You deserved it 3 178

Shit for brains

By Anonymous - 31/10/2023 15:00 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, in desperate need of a shit, I quickly ran into a shop to buy toilet paper. I rushed home and unleashed, only to realise I'd bought paper towels. Without options, I had to wipe my ass with them and consequently blocked the toilet. I found rolls of toilet paper while looking for the plunger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 182

You deserved it 654

By whinywiper - 25/05/2012 15:10 - Canada

Today, I realized that the reason there is no toilet paper in the house is because both my parents are too stubborn to be the one who goes out to buy more. It's been five days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 494

You deserved it 3 807

By highleyj - 01/04/2009 08:16 - United States

Today, I ran to a public bathroom because of explosive diarrhea. In the middle of it, I noticed there was no more toilet paper nor paper towels remaining. The smallest bill in my wallet was a 5. I had to pay 10 dollars to wipe my own butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 94 279

You deserved it 19 934

By Anonymous - 15/06/2015 02:54 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was drying myself with a towel after a shower when I noticed a bad smell. After running out of toilet paper last night, one of my friends decided to use my clean towel to wipe herself instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 680

You deserved it 2 410

Drunk mom

By trailertrashyanditsucks - 26/07/2013 19:55 - United States - Porter

Today, I heard my mom sobbing in the bathroom. Concerned, I went in to see what was wrong. I found her sitting on the toilet, pants down and a cigarette between her fingers. When I asked what was going on, she looked up at me and slurred that we'd run out of "shit-wipes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 047

You deserved it 3 817

By wiper - 04/05/2011 03:12

Today, my dad hid the toilet paper and is charging me 50 cents a roll. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 441

You deserved it 5 755

Confinement, episode 3774

By S3XY_SiNG3R - 11/04/2020 02:00

Today, I woke up to use the restroom, because I had to take a shit. There was basically no toilet paper left. I asked my boyfriend if he could go get some. It was 1 a.m. He said he’d go when the stores were open, then told me to just rinse off in the shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 790

You deserved it 2 067

By FUCK GOD - 03/02/2013 23:04 - Argentina - Salta

Today, for the first time in weeks, my wife felt frisky, and we started fooling around. Half-way through undressing me, she bolted out, claiming she had the shits. About five minutes later, she tearfully called out from the bathroom, begging me to bring her a fresh roll of toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 125

You deserved it 4 861

BurnInDemonFire 34

Sunday 29 July 2018 2:20

I'm worried. You seem to be living such abject poverty that you accepted that your entire family can't afford toilet paper, before finding out it was a ruse. Are you really that poor, or does your mom just hide money in order to get her kids to behave a certain way? Also... shit tickets?

Dave_Davington 33

Friday 10 August 2018 15:48

I'm just really happy that shit tickets seems to be catching on.

Comments

BurnInDemonFire 34

Sunday 29 July 2018 2:20

wHSKitty 11

Friday 10 August 2018 15:16

It’s in the urban dictionary. Some of these new slang terms are just stupid.

008GGG 14

Friday 10 August 2018 17:12

‘Shit tickets’ is far from new. I first heard the term 20 years ago. The person I heard it from used it while in the Marines in Vietnam.

Charlie Given 26

Friday 10 August 2018 21:50

It's as old as WW2 when people would use useless ration cards which were very thin and looked like large bus tickets, hence "shit tickets"

TomeDr 24

Friday 10 August 2018 15:02

Your mother is a genius!

wHSKitty 11

Friday 10 August 2018 15:15

Umm ... TMI!!!

RichardPencil 30

Friday 10 August 2018 15:23

Get him a bidet for his b-day?

Dave_Davington 33

Friday 10 August 2018 15:48

I'm just really happy that shit tickets seems to be catching on.

Summaria 10

Friday 10 August 2018 16:05

I feel like showering after every dump will cost more than buying toilet paper....

Lalala579121 27

Friday 10 August 2018 16:52

Yeah they just need to get one of those toilets that sprays your bum with water after you shit.

boopingsnoot 24

Saturday 11 August 2018 4:58

A bidet! Wish I had one.

Seeya55 31

Friday 10 August 2018 18:10

You guys at least can afford a poop knife, right?

carlgrimes47 13

Friday 10 August 2018 18:24

Couldn't she buy some and keep a secret stash, grabbing a few sheets before entering the bathroom? Your family could still use it and your brother be none the wiser.

carlgrimes47 13

Friday 10 August 2018 18:24

Couldn't she buy some and keep a secret stash, grabbing a few sheets before entering the bathroom? Your family could still use it and your brother be none the wiser.