Intimacy: Today, my father was taking pictures of my friend and me as we...

By Female_Lucifer - 20/10/2013 13:02 - United States - New Lebanon

Today, my father was taking pictures of my friend and me as we got ready for homecoming. After the pictures were taken, he offered to show us. He scrolled one picture too far and ended up showing us a picture of his penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 227

You deserved it 5 140

Intimacy

Dysfunctional

Puke is good for you

Hope springs eternal

By inchetogb - 15/01/2011 04:24 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I spent 30 minutes listening to my grandmother telling us that my cat is a medium. My boyfriend is totally convinced. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 552

You deserved it 3 399

By Vomit - 17/12/2018 05:00

Today, we had a patient projectile vomiting in our ambulance. I didn't know she had puked on our cot until I found it with my bare hand at the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 307

You deserved it 191

Pennies From Heaven

By Anonymous - 07/09/2019 04:02

Today, I bought some shoes, but pissed off the lady working at the store by returning them 5 minutes later. She yelled at me and ripped my receipt in half, everyone in the store watched as she threw a handful of pennies at my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 546

You deserved it 467

By Nuts - 07/11/2015 02:55 - Canada - Grimsby

Today, my daughter told me she wanted to divorce me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 598

You deserved it 3 126

By WellPlayedMother - 24/08/2016 06:15

Today, I discovered, after years of being grounded for losing my belongings, that I didn't actually lose anything. Instead, my mom drunkenly admitted to tossing my stuff away and then punishing me for it whenever she was mad at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 410

You deserved it 1 010

Dumbass

By Ihatepol - 16/10/2021 08:03

Today, a lady asked for a refund for a taco kit because inside the box was just tortillas, seasoning and sauce. When I pointed out the text in small letters that she had to provide her own ingredients, she told my manager I disrespected her by making her feel stupid. I was written up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 082

You deserved it 59

By stranded - 27/09/2010 05:56 - United States

Today, my friend's van ran out of gas on an expressway off-ramp. After pushing it to the shoulder, we walked to a gas station and got a can of gas. We got back to the van to find that the battery had died from leaving on the lights and hazards to avoid an accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 624

You deserved it 7 630

By Squid - 07/11/2012 05:11 - Australia - Hornsby

Today, I found a limp head of celery in the fridge. I thought it looked like the squid alien baby from Men in Black. After nursing it for a couple of hours, giving it food, and rocking it to sleep, my parents found me. Then I realised it was just celery. Too bad it took that long for my meds to kick in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 900

You deserved it 7 425

By now what - 23/02/2015 23:52 - Canada

Today, I got laid off. I abandoned my friends, my boyfriend and moved 10 hours away for this job because my uncle convinced me to. My uncle is my employer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 034

You deserved it 4 843

By shadowmuppet - 31/03/2017 20:00 - United States - Bronx

Today, I learned the joy of getting a brand new leather jacket and then watching my date drunkenly throw up all over my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 582

You deserved it 548

By outoflove - 30/06/2014 21:06 - United States - Rockport

Today, my husband came clean to having an affair with my sister. I later found out my other sister encouraged the affair because she thought they'd be a cute couple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 640

You deserved it 4 390

By Anonymous - 02/12/2015 10:41 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, after working my ass off for months trying to prove myself, I received an email from my boss regarding the end-year function. Excited to be invited, I opened the email just to see I'm the only one being left behind to answer the phones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 288

You deserved it 1 613

Reliable

By Anonymous - 14/09/2020 20:01

Today, aside from clearing out my bank accounts and having an affair, the kicker was finding out my fiancé planned on taking himself and his mistress to Cancun for his birthday, while I would be attending the Marine Corps boot camp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 572

You deserved it 119

By anonymous - 17/07/2014 02:46 - United States - Romulus

Today, while working as a barista, a customer yelled about her muffins and butter not being ready since she only had a "short time to eat". There were 7 tip giving customers ahead of her, but I rushed her order. She gave no tip and stayed for over an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 923

You deserved it 5 206

By Clumsy - 18/04/2019 18:00

Today, for the second time in a row, I slammed into the edge of the doorway while half asleep. My entire body hurts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 534

You deserved it 347

By TragicallyAnxious - 09/05/2019 10:00

Today, I had a draft paper due that I hadn’t written yet. I decided to skip the class to avoid embarrassment. Later, I went to change my major and was told to go to room 223 to talk to the English department head. I knocked on the door and the professor whose class I'd skipped answered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 574

You deserved it 2 372

By Not-so-good-gymnast - 27/09/2009 08:35 - Australia

Today, I removed the safety padding from around the trampoline because it seemed useless. This afternoon, I did a backflip, got my hair stuck in the springs, ripped out a chunk of my hair, and face planted it into the brick pavers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 723

You deserved it 79 932

By Anonymous - 24/01/2012 20:22 - United States

Today, I didn't have plans on shaving my pubic hair. My girlfriend's braces thought otherwise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 653

You deserved it 40 003

By cuntocracy - 21/01/2014 22:27 - Australia

Today, my brother asked me if I wanted to see a magic trick. I stupidly said yes and now have a black eye from where he punched me. My dad thinks it's hilarious and my mum says he didn't know any better. He's 13. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 138

You deserved it 6 041

By Anonymous - 29/04/2016 17:59 - United States

Today, some guy on a bike kept taunting me about my weight while I was out jogging. He ended up hitting a street lamp and fell off his bike. I had a real good laugh at him for all of 5 seconds before he got mad and really made me run. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 067

You deserved it 2 242

Dream baby dream

By so sleepy - 24/04/2021 02:00 - United States

Today, as a lifelong insomnia sufferer, I was having an awful night. After tossing and turning in my bed for several hours, I decided to try sleeping on the couch. Not only did I finally fall asleep, I was having one of the best dreams of my life… Until my neighbor’s brat had a tantrum at 6 a.m. FML

I agree, your life sucks 890

You deserved it 86

By Chris Altenbach - 23/02/2010 20:55 - United States

Today, I got off from work and noticed that the weather finally warmed up after the recent snowstorm. I hopped into my car and rolled down the windows. When I opened the sun roof, a foot of snow came falling into my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 411

You deserved it 45 830

By Anonymous - 14/08/2012 15:42 - United States

Today, after much deliberation, I decided to accept my parents' invitation to a family dinner. A half hour after I arrived, all hell broke loose, because my mom's pregnancy test had come back positive, and she was convinced my dad had poked holes in his own condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 864

You deserved it 1 749

By Somethingswrongwiththispic - 05/08/2010 08:17 - United States

Today, I was watching this show about fat people. I was wondering how people could let this happen to themselves. Then I looked down and saw a giant bowl of popcorn, ice cream, potato chips, and soda. I thus figured out how people do this to themselves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 174

You deserved it 46 866

Murdered

By Anonymous - 16/02/2021 20:01

Today, I woke up and checked my fish tank. I thought the temperature was too low, so half asleep, I turned it up. Now all my fish are dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 366

You deserved it 918

Unsure

By Anonymous - 29/11/2015 06:04 - United States

Today, my boyfriend emotionally proposed over dinner, and I said yes. Soon after he left, he tweeted, "I just fucked up...." and a few minutes later called me and claimed the proposal was a prank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 476

You deserved it 1 874

By Anonymous - 29/11/2010 19:09

Today, my girlfriend threw my X-box out the window, because I asked her how much she weighs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 206

You deserved it 56 325

By ow - 13/06/2011 05:39 - United States

Today, I was home alone in my apartment. I tripped over my dresser and fell and sprained my ankle. As I was laying there in agonizing pain, my downstairs neighbor shouted at me to shut up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 942

You deserved it 4 752

Not like that

By weirdo - 21/02/2010 08:44 - United States

Today, my boyfriend wanted me to send him a pic of myself being happy for his phone's caller ID. So I picked out a picture where I'm grinning a big grin, clearly very happy like he asked. He replies back, "You look weird there. Send a pretty one." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 259

You deserved it 5 017

Easy mistake to make

By Becca Velveeta - 26/10/2019 14:00

Today, my mother's boyfriend sent me pictures of my mom sucking him off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 066

You deserved it 184

By blahblah - 14/12/2010 02:01 - Canada

Today, I'm in a relationship with a guy who yells at me everyday for things I didn't do, is in a dead-end job and is not attractive whatsoever, but I can't bring myself to break up with him because he would get to keep the dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 308

You deserved it 52 912

By Nick - 27/07/2011 17:32 - Australia

Today, I was helping clean my grandpa's garage when I found some of his old election posters from the '50s. They included slogans such as, "Dick: you know it feels right" and "Want growth? Choose Dick." I'm not sure whether to be disgusted or impressed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 644

You deserved it 4 693

No Ragrets

By surfergal91 - 14/02/2011 20:12 - United States

Today, I rummaged around in the attic, looking for old pictures of me and my family, so I could make a surprise collage. Instead, I found my dad's old journals, talking about how desperately he didn't want a kid, and how he wanted to leave my mother more and more every day that passed since I was born. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 626

You deserved it 4 135

By tan disaster - 27/02/2009 23:09 - United States

Today, I went to get my spray tan before my semi-formal. After I applied lotion to the bottom of my feet as instructed, I went in the booth and began to start the tanning session. I lost my balance and fell right as the machine began to spray. I look like a spotted cheetah. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 480

You deserved it 39 257

By Anonymous - 17/03/2013 19:09 - France - Minzier

Today, I went to the gym with my grandma. In the span of an hour, she was hit on more than I ever have been in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 292

You deserved it 4 289

Long day

By Tom - 26/04/2017 18:00

Today, I got the bus to work instead of walking so I could be there faster. However, I accidentally got on the wrong bus which let me off a mile and a half away from my workplace. Then, after another half-hour of trying to walk there, I found that it wasn't even open that day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 648

You deserved it 1 444

By Anonymous - 14/01/2011 04:30 - Ireland

Today, I had to repeat my order in Starbucks three times because the barista was staring at my chest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 488

You deserved it 12 400

By abdominates - 23/10/2009 16:48 - Canada

Today, after a long workout I come back to my locker, to find my lock had been cut. I looked inside realizing my phone and ipod had been stolen. If that wasn't bad enough, my keys were gone. I ran out to the parking lot to find an empty spot where my car had once been parked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 543

You deserved it 3 212

By Anonymous - 26/12/2014 21:03 - Australia - Perth

Today, my obsessive stalker of an ex found my girlfriend on Facebook and sent her a message saying just ":)". For some reason I'll never understand, she took this as a sign that I'd just slept with my ex. Now I'm single, and my ex is probably planning her next move. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 324

You deserved it 2 787

By cock blocked - 22/04/2015 15:44 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I started work cleaning a customer's pool. I think her husband watches too much porn because he keeps glaring at me from the windows, and I overheard him telling his wife that he knows what's "going on" and that he's "not gonna let it happen". FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 068

You deserved it 2 461

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Top comments

Pleonasm 35

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Sunday 20 October 2013 17:29

From Homecoming to Homecumming.

tipsy2013 24

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Sunday 20 October 2013 17:29

what a dick move.

omgitsmoe 26

Sunday 20 October 2013 17:28

Did your friend smile ?

kelseythompson 27

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Sunday 20 October 2013 17:29

No but I bet you would have

Ruler3000 17

Sunday 20 October 2013 17:30

Way to be a dick #3

lex1459 38

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Sunday 20 October 2013 17:44

#3 wasn't being a dick, she was merely suggesting that if she were, #1 would want to see her as well.

golden_warrior 23

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Sunday 20 October 2013 18:14

23 - your big smile just goes perfect with this thread :) and number 1, that's just gross. He is your dad, sicko

ohSNAPyall 26

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Sunday 20 October 2013 18:31

1 WTF is wrong with you?

TheCanucklehead 22

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Sunday 20 October 2013 18:38

I like how this thread goes: bad comment, good comment, bad...

TheCanucklehead 22

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Sunday 20 October 2013 18:42

Yes 1. She smiled at her friend's dad's penis. Yes 6. That was a bad pun. Yes 41. You misread this FML

IloveToLaugh143 21

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Sunday 20 October 2013 19:27

That's a pretty dicky situation. Next time maybe your dad shouldn't cum?

CallMeMcFeelii 13

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Sunday 20 October 2013 19:50

Come on, 61. He just wanted to get the money shot. Oh snap, crackle, and pop! Haha..

euphoricness 28

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Sunday 20 October 2013 22:41

45, I had to thumb down your comment to keep the pattern going... CRAP I'm next!

CallMeMcFeelii 13

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Monday 21 October 2013 0:32

Well damn, I'm just going to say random yet intellectual comments after the person who's next in line to get voted down Hello, you guys may know me as Mcfeeli, but did you also know I'm not a robot? That's all for now folks, see you guys after the next comment, whenever that'll be.

Nyx_fml 23

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Monday 21 October 2013 2:25

You misspelled your name, McFeelii.

euphoricness 28

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Monday 21 October 2013 2:50

You're right, Nyx, but I had to thumb you down to keep this pattern going!

brandoneyez1 25

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Monday 21 October 2013 3:36

Did your dad by chance want your friend to see it? Stranger things have happened. In any event I love the comment #1

protoasha 11

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Monday 21 October 2013 5:10

The trend even continued after your comment

RoboCunnilingus 23

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Tuesday 22 October 2013 7:04

Looks like I drew the short straw.

tipsy2013 24

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Sunday 20 October 2013 17:29

what a dick move.

killuhand 12

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Sunday 20 October 2013 17:37

you have to admit, it was pretty ballsy.

klovemachine 24

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Sunday 20 October 2013 18:06

OP and her friend got the shaft

BlueFlatts 20

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Sunday 20 October 2013 19:18

That's a really sick way of looking at it #38.

klovemachine 24

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Sunday 20 October 2013 21:38

That wasn't my intention, 57. It was just a stupid attempt at a shaft joke :( and I failed at it. 5 did a better job at the shaft joke

swaggalikethat 22

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Sunday 20 October 2013 21:47

Oh, cum on! Enough with the puns.

RedPillSucks 31

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Monday 21 October 2013 1:02

I thought it was funny

Pleonasm 35

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Sunday 20 October 2013 17:29

From Homecoming to Homecumming.

Bloink 25

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Sunday 20 October 2013 17:32

Hahahahaha

\ 28

Sunday 20 October 2013 18:43

Yep. Noor just wrote what phonetically translates to "hah hah hah hah"

KeXu 6

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Monday 21 October 2013 0:21

笨蛋笨蛋笨蛋笨蛋 hahahaha

Pleonasm 35

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Monday 21 October 2013 0:24

Honononononononononononononon *very nasal* à la French.

daesung 8

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Monday 21 October 2013 3:24

하하하하하

Zaros_fml 24

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Sunday 20 October 2013 17:29

I bet he feels pretty shafted right now.

Cusefan5 6

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Sunday 20 October 2013 18:50

My school had homecoming last night...

Zaros_fml 24

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Sunday 20 October 2013 20:03

That was so relevant to my comment. Thank you for your input.

CorDa616 22

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Sunday 20 October 2013 17:30

And awkward forever. :S

siberianhamster 17

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Sunday 20 October 2013 17:30

Is this the newest member of the Troll Dad club?

Right_Click 12

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Monday 21 October 2013 0:37

It's probably the initiation.

soccer_bball 8

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Sunday 20 October 2013 17:31

OMG. That must've been pretty awkward. I'm sure you and your father will have a talk about that later, and I hope your friend tries to ignore it.

ThatFancyPenn 18

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Sunday 20 October 2013 17:57

Wtf why do people always act so damn sympathetic. It's so annoying.

Jazmine453 8

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Sunday 20 October 2013 18:07

#32 Why does it have to be an act? Is empathy that unheard of.

Rainhawk94 27

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Sunday 20 October 2013 19:08

Yea it is. People don't want to be down voted so they act sympathetic

Jazmine453 8

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Sunday 20 October 2013 19:23

#55 I'm not saying that some people don't lie and act like they are sympathetic when they are not. I'm just saying that a lot of people really do have empathy for others. Also it's the internet people lie. Don't like it? Get off.