By TriangularBanana - 06/05/2016 21:45 - United States - Cypress

Today, a girl stole my heart. She also stole my wallet, phone, and keys. FML
I agree, your life sucks 14 008
You deserved it 1 571

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Top comments

Sounds like a marriage material.

Shouldn't be picking up women so close to the prison area

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I guess you just lost your... A-peel... Appeal? No? I'll show myself out.

For anyone down voting this, look at OP's user name before you judge too harshly.

I googled his username and still can't figure out what it means. Is it some reference that I'm just not getting? Edit: nevermind, I thought you were referring to the commenter with the long string of numbers as his username.

Well don't worry, maybe she stole your wallet to know your address and your keys to get into your house and surprise you later. ;)

I picture op sleeping, when she slips in

No one expect the banana

Shouldn't be picking up women so close to the prison area

Well, it's all or nothing.

Sounds like a marriage material.

It could've been way worse. At least she didn't steal your soul!

She must not have been a ginger.

She's a keeper for sure!

I'm sure this is implied, but she's a keeper in the sense that she's one who keeps! Keeper of the wallet, keeper of the keys, etc.

I misread "keys" as "kidneys". Now THAT'S messed up.

Are you Sherlock Holmes?