Miscellaneous: Today, a friend informed me that my dog's name means "penis"...

By Dog_Lover - 18/12/2012 15:30 - Canada - Montreal

Today, a friend informed me that my dog's name means "penis" in Greek. I live in a predominantly Greek neighbourhood, and apparently I've been screaming for "dong" every evening for the past 3 years. No wonder they don't talk to me much. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 662

You deserved it 9 672

Miscellaneous

Vulture

Walk the line

I've just got one of those faces

By Anothernametaken - 18/11/2011 12:22 - United States

Today, while working the drive-through at Mcdonald's, I was handing a gentleman his vanilla shake. He responded by popping the cap off, yelling "Fire in the hole!" And throwing it back in. He then quickly drove off. I was covered in vanilla shake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 151

You deserved it 5 233

By Mrs. Man - 02/02/2012 18:29 - United States

Today, a stranger told me how proud he was that my boyfriend and I were so open with our sexuality. For the past three years, most strangers have thought we are a pair of gay men. I am a woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 877

You deserved it 7 609

Mind-boggling logistics

By Anika - 23/06/2021 18:00

Today, I found out my boyfriend has been cheating on me. He married someone, and got another girl pregnant. We were together for 8 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 031

You deserved it 98

Whoops

By 8reth72 - 11/06/2009 14:17 - United States

Today, I was helping a couple come up with a name for the baby they just had. I suggested "Joshua" thinking that it was an okay name. All sudden, the room got quiet. Turns out I had forgotten that Joshua was the name of their 3 year-old son who had died a couple months before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 165

You deserved it 86 957

By acnegirl - 26/07/2009 04:29 - United States

Today, I was romantically cuddling with my boyfriend. He looked deep into my eyes, stared lovingly at me, and said, "I never noticed, but you have the most adorable freckles on your face..." Blushing, I tilted my head to the side. He then said, "Oh, never mind, those are just your blackheads." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 671

You deserved it 7 126

By gabxoxo03 - 10/06/2011 19:06 - United States

Today, I snuck up on my girlfriend to give her a kiss. Only after I planted a big one did I realize it was not my girlfriend, or even a girl for that matter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 943

You deserved it 52 668

By Anonymous - 01/01/2010 10:29 - United States

Today, I thought my family would like it if I celebrated the new year with them. My brother thought that I'd like him to shoot my butt with his new gun in celebration. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 038

You deserved it 2 695

By ruhrohraggy - 28/07/2019 16:00

Today, I got a haircut. I wanted three inches cut off. When the lady finished, she had cut off everything but three inches of my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 852

You deserved it 323

By Anonymous - 14/01/2015 07:18 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I had to explain to my grandmother why, "What a nice singing voice! He doesn't sound black at all!" is not a compliment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 990

You deserved it 3 031

By Celina - 11/01/2009 18:08 - United States

Today, I regret that break we took. I thought it would lead him to realize that he wanted to stop cheating and flirting with other girls and be with only me forever. Now I'm the girl he cheats on his girlfriend with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 499

You deserved it 40 556

By Frostbitten - 27/02/2013 03:00 - United States - Freeport

Today, I was sitting on the chair-lift on a ski trip. There was a shift in gears and the metal in the seat began to vibrate. My dad, sister, and step-mom were all on the lift with me, not feeling a thing. It's terribly awkward to converse with your family while you involuntarily orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 133

You deserved it 6 083

By Anonymous - 20/07/2011 04:26 - New Zealand

Today, I slipped and fell in mud while running from the car to inside to avoid getting wet in a torrential downpour. I was running from the limo, in my wedding dress, to the church for my wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 424

You deserved it 7 770

By LaundryVictim - 15/06/2016 20:50

Today, I picked up my laundry from the wash-and-fold and proceeded to put everything away. I noticed a hand towel that wasn't mine and made a mental note to return it; turned out they'd given me someone else's boxers as well. My boyfriend doesn't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 462

You deserved it 1 117

By Caught - 11/11/2010 13:34 - United States

Today, I was in the car hooking up with my boyfriend. He was on top of me when I noticed my neighbor jogging toward the car. Instead of hiding, I felt compelled to wave as he jogged past us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 654

You deserved it 43 017

By sore - 21/01/2009 01:08 - Australia

Today, I sliced my arm open on the weekend, patched it with a fabric bandaid. Had an allergic reaction to the bandaid, arm now swollen, blistering and keeping-me-awake itchy. Pharmacist's advice? "Oooh, that looks bad. Better put a bandaid on that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 612

You deserved it 2 459

By Ma_Nikka - 23/07/2015 19:00 - United States - Olivehurst

Today, my boss called me in to have a serious talk. The "serious talk" was him asking me to notify him of my menstrual cycle ahead of time so he can "avoid that shit". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 080

You deserved it 2 882

By surprise - 11/12/2009 21:04 - United States

Today, I was getting ready to go to a surprise party I'd planned for my best friend. All was going well on the discretion part until I logged onto Facebook. I saw that my sister had set her status to, "At Natalie's surprise party! BBL!" Natalie had liked it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 074

You deserved it 3 273

By Anonymous - 15/05/2009 11:00 - United States

Today, I had a job interview at a local business with the owner who was man, and the manager who was a woman. I thought I did pretty well because I heard the manager whisper so, as I was walking out. Then I heard the owner whisper "no fat chicks." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 494

You deserved it 6 803

By Anonymous - 06/12/2010 19:11 - United States

Today, I was smoking while driving. A cop pulled me over and asked if I knew what I did wrong. I thought he could smell the tobacco, so I decided to just admit it. As it turns out, I was going well over the speed limit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 298

You deserved it 39 675

By Anonymous - 25/03/2015 19:00 - United States - Point Pleasant Beach

Today, three of my dipshit coworkers kept whining all day about Zayn Malik leaving One Direction, how devastating it is, and what it means for their future. As a pacifist, I've never had to struggle so hard to not beat the piss out of people and hurl their broken remains out a window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 783

You deserved it 4 917

Stubborn

By Anonymous - 27/10/2020 22:58

Today, my boyfriend accused me of making an FML about him. I let him know that if I were going to make an FML, it would be about how he doesn’t flush the toilet after he uses it. He responded by not flushing the toilet again this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 395

You deserved it 254

By youre dumped shitforbrain - 19/08/2012 16:52 - Sweden - H?lleforsn

Today, my boyfriend again accused me of cheating on him. This time, it was because I delayed replying to his text message so I could feed my pet. Apparently I'm fucking my pet toad now. Jesus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 646

You deserved it 5 447

Toxic Managers

By impishsamaritan - 07/09/2019 22:00

Today, I had to pretend in front of our director that my manager is a nice person. In reality, she's a soul-sucking bully who has made my life so miserable that twice I was on the brink of nervous breakdown. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 520

You deserved it 303

By Phabia - 21/04/2015 00:16 - United States - Newton

Today, I was sent to the front office for having blood shot eyes and smelling like smoke. I just didn't get enough sleep and had trouble putting my contacts in, and I always smell like smoke because of my parents' excessive smoking. They didn't believe me. My parents had to come in to back me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 888

You deserved it 2 310

By hesgonnahateme - 06/06/2013 05:08 - United States - Benton

Today, I got a promotion and transfer at work. My first responsibility is to fire my soon to be father in-law. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 589

You deserved it 3 384

By Eternal_Babyface - 08/11/2015 17:14 - United States

Today, I was talking to a friend and bemoaning the fact that my new coworkers keep mixing up my gender. She looked at me critically and said, "Yeah, until you can grow a decent beard, people are going to keep thinking you're an intern or a butch lesbian." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 696

You deserved it 2 295

By Anonymous - 12/01/2010 07:18 - United States

Today, I learned I have a severe sinus infection, my body really can't handle antibiotics, and I can projectile vomit out my nose. Not sure if I am more impressed that I still somehow aimed the puke into the sink, or that swallowing afterwards hurt more than emptying my stomach via my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 367

You deserved it 2 243

By WasteOfTime - 01/11/2009 14:36 - United Kingdom

Today, as I stopped at a traffic light, I noticed the man in the car next to me break out in laughter. I pulled over later on to see that someone had drawn a large penis on the side of my van. I then spent all my morning cleaning it off. I went outside later only to see someone had redrawn it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 290

You deserved it 3 428

By ohnolunch - 05/03/2009 20:12 - United States

Today, I came back to my apartment to see that my roommate had left out bread, deli meat, and cheese on the counter, and made myself a sandwich. When she came back, she informs me that she found bugs in the fridge and took out all the food she thought would be contaminated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 649

You deserved it 15 921

By Anonymous - 19/09/2015 02:08 - United States - Seattle

Today, I asked my girlfriend why she's been avoiding kissing me lately. Apparently she had a dream that one of my teeth caught on her braces, and all of her teeth got pulled out like a string of pearls. It seems unlikely she will be un-scarred any time soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 604

You deserved it 1 708

By Anonymous - 10/12/2009 17:35 - United States

Today, my math TA showed the class how one of her "dumb" students answered a test question. Everyone laughed as she wrote out the students answer, including myself, until I looked down at my answer sheet and saw that I submitted an identical answer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 910

You deserved it 29 887

By yayaimannoying - 09/03/2010 01:39 - United States

Today, I posted a pic of my prom dress on facebook. The dress looked amazing on me and it just felt so right. So I spent every single dollar I had and some borrowed to buy the dress. When I logged on later that night, the first comment asked "Is this a joke?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 526

You deserved it 5 075

Most likely

By lukey101 - 11/02/2021 14:01 - Australia

Today, I had my half-year performance review. My boss arrived 15 minutes late, paid basically no attention to my presentation, and left 30 minutes early. I guess I’ll go fuck myself then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 878

You deserved it 70

By dumbteacher - 23/05/2011 14:35

Today, my AP teacher once again accused me of plagiarism. Apparently the words "demise," "ultimately," and "rural," are too sophisticated for an 11th grade AP student to use and MUST have been copied from the Internet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 457

You deserved it 3 172

By PeepShow - 06/08/2009 06:04 - United States

Today, it was just too hot. I stripped down and, being home alone, pranced around nude, lip synching and playing air guitar to some music. I was getting really into when I opened my eyes and looked out the window to see an old man with binoculars on his terrace. He wasn't birdwatching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 227

You deserved it 46 990

By Anonymous - 01/05/2016 04:56 - United States - Sandown

Today, my boss sent me a message about a project, via WhatsApp. It's my day off, so I figured it could wait till I was able to give a flying fuck. Literally a minute later, he was spamming me, demanding to know why I'd left him as read and reminding me that he has firing powers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 770

You deserved it 1 503

By Anonymous - 24/01/2010 16:12 - United States

Today, I called a suicide prevention hotline. No one picked up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 324

You deserved it 6 908

By schooyou101 - 17/11/2012 13:34 - United States - Prairie Village

Today, my crush finally agreed to spend the night with me. I told my parents to act normal for one night. Apparently, "normal" is strutting around naked and acting like a chicken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 044

You deserved it 6 116

By twicethepersonioncewas - 18/10/2016 05:19 - United States - Merion Station

Today, I'm still reeling over the unexpected loss of my co-worker. I also received a notification that my workload would be increased to more than twice what is was before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 253

You deserved it 958

By nannynomore - 10/03/2009 18:52 - United States

Today, my boss had to leave the house for a little while. She asked me to take any messages she got. I answered the phone and lady calling said she was returning her call about the opening for a nanny position. I am the current nanny. I found out I am being fired by the new nanny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 206

You deserved it 3 092

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Top comments

QWERTYrage 3

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Tuesday 18 December 2012 18:56

"Good dick, who's a good dick?"

YoTengoTomatoes 7

Tuesday 18 December 2012 18:57

What kind of name is "Dong" for a dog anyway?

QWERTYrage 3

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Tuesday 18 December 2012 18:56

"Good dick, who's a good dick?"

miguelswk 2

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Tuesday 18 December 2012 18:59

Hey penis!!!! Come inside penis!!!

SakataGintoki 9

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Tuesday 18 December 2012 19:11

"I don't want you catching a cold, Penis!"

howdeedoo 22

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Tuesday 18 December 2012 19:12

"Where's my little Penis?"

ohSNAPyall 26

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Tuesday 18 December 2012 19:17

.... We'll call him Beethoven.

bigtaytay 13

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Tuesday 18 December 2012 19:21

Penis! Get off the mailman!

klovemachine 24

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Tuesday 18 December 2012 19:52

How dare you leave that mess, penis!!

TML329 14

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Tuesday 18 December 2012 21:02

I love my penis,on Sunday nights I sit on the couch and do nothing but pet him

codyjohn17 5

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Tuesday 18 December 2012 21:35

Penis! Stop humping my leg!

seandoc 13

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Tuesday 18 December 2012 22:02

Penis looks so cute when he's asleep!

TML329 14

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Tuesday 18 December 2012 22:02

Penis gets excited every time someone comes over

B_CeouL 12

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Tuesday 18 December 2012 22:21

Oh penisss! Where arrree yoouuu...

Jdummer32 5

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Tuesday 18 December 2012 22:39

I used to love my penis... but then I had to put him down. :(

BlueFlatts 20

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Tuesday 18 December 2012 23:11

Come penis. Penis, get your ball.

tsent8 15

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Wednesday 19 December 2012 0:54

Penis quit drooling all over my girlfriend!!!

isallwaysme 27

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Wednesday 19 December 2012 2:45

hey girls, wanna come over and pet my penis?

brittanyrmh_ 12

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Wednesday 19 December 2012 3:28

"Please excuse the mess Penis left on the carpet, he's not trained yet."

agentx52 13

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Wednesday 19 December 2012 4:35

Penis pisses me off sometimes, slobbering everywhere.

codyjohn17 5

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Wednesday 19 December 2012 5:29

Penis play dead!

sens3sfailing 24

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Wednesday 19 December 2012 7:10

can somebody help me find my penis? he's a hairly little thing that loves to hump everything that moves.

I_iz_B_a_troll 23

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Tuesday 18 December 2012 18:56

Does it look awkward when I yell "pussy" at my cats? Just roll with it, you know you love your little Dong, Op.

onlychildFTW 33

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Tuesday 18 December 2012 20:32

It's a bad name for a dog anyways.

gamercanadian 11

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Wednesday 19 December 2012 2:20

The comments on this fml are funnier than the actual fml itself.

tsent8 15

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Wednesday 19 December 2012 3:19

Hehe little dong. Not mans best friend anymore huh?

YoTengoTomatoes 7

Tuesday 18 December 2012 18:57

What kind of name is "Dong" for a dog anyway?

stolencookie 17

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Tuesday 18 December 2012 19:00

"Dong" isn't the actual name, but what the name meant. OP was just using it as an example.

Puckfan21 2

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Tuesday 18 December 2012 19:03

Thank you. I was going to say the same thing.

Airman1988 9

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Tuesday 18 December 2012 20:23

Wow people need to brush up on their reading comprehension..

gc327072 30

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Tuesday 18 December 2012 21:48

This is getting upvotes? Wow....

murphdarkly 13

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Wednesday 19 December 2012 7:39

I think she was actually yelling poutsos, or something like that 'dong' was just her translating it to English.

dre9889 4

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Tuesday 18 December 2012 18:57

Now you know what the creepy people who show up at your doorstep want...

HKCgrimmjow 15

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Tuesday 18 December 2012 20:30

They want his dong... :D

actyankee 5

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Wednesday 19 December 2012 0:33

Your name identifies you dre.

ICastillo 24

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Tuesday 18 December 2012 18:58

That would be funny just hearing someone scream for penis everyday. It would make it that much funnier if you're a guy.

lilhellian 26

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Tuesday 18 December 2012 19:21

In otherwords middle school all over again?

grafeety 9

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Tuesday 18 December 2012 19:49

Middle school!? Maybe in high school but most people don't get the dong until high school

lilhellian 26

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Tuesday 18 December 2012 20:08

There was a 6th grader here who openly admitted to sex alot..

gc327072 30

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Tuesday 18 December 2012 21:08

No 46, the classic dare in middle school is to yell "PENIS!!" as loud as you can without getting caught.

smartman136 8

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Tuesday 18 December 2012 21:10

Lets be honest. Someone yelling penis without realizing it would make any aged man laugh a little.

yousuck44 11

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Tuesday 18 December 2012 21:25

You mean the penis game? Each person yell penis and at each turn you get louder.

grafeety 9

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Tuesday 18 December 2012 21:32

Oh my bad ahah. I prefer playing the bomb game on airplanes...

lilhellian 26

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Tuesday 18 December 2012 21:48

I feel like that game would get you shot and sent to some hole in midle of desert to rot..

kofeinisti 6

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Tuesday 18 December 2012 22:40

#52 - yes, because no teen/preteen has ever lied about their sexual experiences to seem more mature, cool, etc

robo_thunder 13

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Tuesday 18 December 2012 18:58

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

CharresBarkrey 15

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Tuesday 18 December 2012 23:27

"Dong" isn't the name.

The_Tool1 13

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Tuesday 18 December 2012 18:59

That would be weird for them.. They just hear you yelling PENIS! PENIS!

Steve95401 49

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Tuesday 18 December 2012 21:43

If OP was a guy, I'd say that they're just yanking her 3rd leg about the dog's name.

Sir_ND_Pity 35

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Tuesday 18 December 2012 19:00

OP didn't know what was wrong, Until he found his dog's name was Dong. That was the problem all along. This is the end of my song.

OnlyAvailableID 28

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Tuesday 18 December 2012 19:05

If that was a concert I'd throw you my thong.

OnlyAvailableID 28

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Tuesday 18 December 2012 19:11

Haven't been on it for long.

Werken247 14

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Tuesday 18 December 2012 19:14

but it reeks pretty strong

Sir_ND_Pity 35

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Tuesday 18 December 2012 19:14

That stuff makes you go ape crazy, like King Kong

OnlyAvailableID 28

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Tuesday 18 December 2012 19:28

Sort of like a mong?

A7XCamaro 19

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Tuesday 18 December 2012 19:37

More like Cheech and Chong.

ManInTheMachine 19

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Tuesday 18 December 2012 19:48

I'd say she's too far gone.

klovemachine 24

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Tuesday 18 December 2012 19:53

Let me hit my gong!

lukep135 6

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Tuesday 18 December 2012 22:10

This whole thread is just wrong wrong, wrong!

SqueakyChipmunk 20

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Tuesday 18 December 2012 22:22

Let's play ping pong!

B_CeouL 12

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Tuesday 18 December 2012 22:25

This just keeps going back and forth like pong

jellycorn 13

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Tuesday 18 December 2012 22:43

This thread is going for far too long

BryanThaMan 14

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Tuesday 18 December 2012 23:35

Although this comes in the form of two-prong time to finish the thread nice and strong

DynamicDave 11

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Tuesday 18 December 2012 23:46

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

VannahJane 17

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Tuesday 18 December 2012 19:00

Im curious as to how you named your dog

senbonzakura90 3

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Tuesday 18 December 2012 19:01

Where's Ding?

HKCgrimmjow 15

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Tuesday 18 December 2012 20:31

Dings his cat, and if ding isn't his cat. He's definitely doing it wrong

Nearly

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16

You deserved it 10

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 17

Spicy

Today, I found out I’m going to be a father, twice over, with two different women. Sisters, in fact. Only one of those sisters is my wife. Should I flee abroad, or walk calmly towards the firing squad straight away? FML

I agree, your life sucks 111

You deserved it 2 115

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 862

You deserved it 191

Mind-boggling logistics

Whoops

Stubborn

Toxic Managers

Most likely

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