Transportation: Today, my girlfriend dropped me off for a class and I accidentally... - FML

By enriquegay - United States

Today, my girlfriend dropped me off for a class and I accidentally closed my exceptionally baggy pants in the passenger door. She didn't notice and started to drive away. I spent the next fifteen seconds being dragged across rough pavement with my pants around my ankles. FML

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Headache

Mixed signals

Car Wars

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I learned that my mom's laptop was originally my Christmas gift. She opened it and decided she liked it so much she should have it. I got hot rollers. FML

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By not a kiddy fiddler really - United States - San Francisco

Today, at my daughter's wedding celebration, I was doing a Michael Jackson act with a few buddies. It went well until I did the crotch-grab. I yanked my balls too hard and fell to the floor, writhing in agony in front of nearly 70 guests. FML

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By Queenie

Today, my work's annual Christmas party is at 3:00. Everyone in the office is off work at 2:00, except me and the boss who is staying 'til 4:00. I have been informed the boss is leaving early today to attend the Christmas party, but I need to lock up when I leave at 4:00. FML

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By drixxy - United States - Irvine

Today, my car was towed for the second time in front of my own house. They tried to tell me it was because they didn't think I lived there anymore. The person who had it towed had just spoken to me not three hours before. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to the doctor's office for a minor cold, and left with a diagnosis of pregnancy. FML

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By Hannah - United States

Today, I faced down the Godzilla of all spiders. I smashed the goddamned holy shit out of it. Trying to impress my cute new roommate, I scooped up the remains and showed him. It was his pet tarantula. FML

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By - 2/2/2020 18:00

Don't worry dad

Today, my daughter had just left for a date with her boyfriend. All of a sudden, she runs back in the house screaming "I forgot to take my birth control!" That is not something a father wants to hear. FML

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By living_thedream - United States - Bethpage

Today, while living in Florida, I had a conversation with my mother explaining that it might be best for me to come back home. Her response, "Don't worry, they have plenty of homeless shelters down there if you need a place to stay." Thanks Mom. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was trying on dresses in a stall that requires an employee of the store to have a key to open. After I took off one dress to go to another, an employee quickly opens my door, to give the stall to someone else. The entire store could see me in my granny panties and bra. FML

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By TrophyGirlfriend - United States

Today, my boyfriend was fired. After breaking the news, he also broke up with me. Apparently, his boss had a creepy crush on me and would give my boyfriend bonuses for bringing me to company events and, occasionally, out on the boss's personal boat. Looks like I am no longer useful. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Falls Church

Today, my mother has issued a 'Christmas Ultimatum'. The rest of us have exactly 2 days to "get some Christmas around here" or we will feel her wrath. FML

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By BbyDelight - Canada

Today, it was my mom's birthday. I decided to get her a Willow Tree statue of a woman fairy holding a heart. After dinner, I presented my gift. My mother asked me how much it was. I replied, $30. She threw me a dirty look, shoved the present in my direction, and told me to return it. FML

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By imfucked

Today, I found out the paycheck I deposited on Tuesday bounced. This means that the checks I sent to my landlord, the electric and gas company and my mom will also bounce. When I told my boss, we got into an argument over bank fees and he fired me. I had thumped him, though. FML

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By jamjamy - France

Today, at work as an optician, I gave a little girl a new pair of glasses and asked her if she could see well with them. She replied, "Oh yes, you have two big spots on your nose!" FML

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By gullible - United States

Today, I found out that the April Fool's Day prank my girlfriend and best friend played on me was not a joke, and that they actually did sleep together. FML

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By ConfusedGinger - United States - Downingtown

Today, my dog pooped. In my lap. While I was driving. FML

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By hungry - United States

Today, I was hungry and decided to nibble on some cheez-its I had in my room. After I had enjoyed some of them, I looked into the box to see how many I had left, where I noticed a lot of little black moving dots. Apparently I wasn't the only one enjoying the crackers. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I learned that all it takes to anger my sister's new parrot is to walk past its perch. I also learned that a beak over two inches long is very capable of inflicting injuries that require stitches. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Croydon

Today, I went to the bar I've always gone to after work for the past 12 years. On arrival, I got banned for life, punched in the nose and thrown out. The barmaid comes out and says, "Sorry, wrong guy." FML

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By Latina - United States - Phoenix

Today, my boyfriend of over a year told me he wanted to learn Korean before Spanish. Apparently, being able to sing along to Gangnam Style is more important to him than being able to speak with my family. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, I was on the toilet, when the girl I really like decided to call. I'd left my cellphone in my room and my dad answered. All he said was, "He's taking a shit. This might take a while." and hung up. FML

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By so racist - 25/6/2020 02:02

No, of course she's not…

Today, my mother burst into tears when I told her I was engaged. They were not tears of joy, however. She was crying because although she insists she’s "not" racist, she was crying because none of her grandchildren would be "pure." My fiancé is black. FML

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By sasquatch - United States - Katonah

Today, my boyfriend requested that I shave my lips so I spent an hour in the shower carefully removing every trace of pubic hair. Turns out he wanted me to shave my moustache, not my carpet. FML

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By great idea - Canada - Calgary

Today, my social teacher thought it would be a great idea to have a casual debate about Margaret Thatcher and her legacy. Within 10 minutes, the entire class was yelling, screaming, throwing stuff at each other. I got hit in the face with a binder. FML

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By SmoothTalker - United States

Today, I had a meeting with my super-hot TA. When I got to her office, she complimented me for being early, to which I thoughtfully replied "oh I usually come early." She laughed. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, in an attempt to be more healthy, I made myself a large fruit smoothie. I didn't think it could or would cause me to practically shart my rectum out my ass for the rest of the afternoon. The more you know. FML

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By minaaaaajftw - Norway - Jessheim

Today, I went to the grocery store with three bags full of sausages that I'd drunkenly bought the night before. Even though the manager remembered me, he wouldn't give me a refund, and now I'll be lucky if I can pay my rent this month. FML

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By crap - United States

Today, I was fired from my job for breaking my company's tattoo policy. I have a small scar on my wrist that roughly resembles a heart. My boss insists that it's one of those white ink tattoos. No one will believe me. FML

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By pkz - France

Today, I found out that my husband of five years was living a double life. He and his mistress have two children together and a third one on the way. He told me the only reason he stayed with me was for my money. I make about 8 dollars an hour and work two jobs to make ends meet. FML

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By failure - United States

Today, I went to a jeweler's to buy a ring to propose to my girlfriend. When I was at the restaurant, in mid-proposal, with people watching, I realized I had left the ring in the store. FML

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By Grossed Out - United States

Today, my mother got incredibly drunk. She told me that only "sluts and whores" shave their pubes. She then told me that she's never once trimmed or shaved her pubes, because she's "moral." Thanks for that mental image, mom. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, one of my friends came over to go swimming in my pool. Before going back into the house, as it's all carpeted, I automatically took off my trunks, forgetting about my friend. I realized my mistake when my friend commented on my abnormally long foreskin. FML

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By teejayrn

Today, I saw my daughter dusting her furniture with the white handkerchief I gave her as a wedding present. It's been in our family for 4 generations. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Yukon

Today, I spent over $20 at the laundromat doing two weeks of laundry, just to avoid using the facilities in my apartment complex and having to deal with my creepy landlord trying to steal my underwear again. FML

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By blahblah - Canada

Today, I'm in a relationship with a guy who yells at me everyday for things I didn't do, is in a dead-end job and is not attractive whatsoever, but I can't bring myself to break up with him because he would get to keep the dog. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/9/2020 20:06

Don't drag me into this

Today, my boyfriend's 13-year-old daughter called me a "stupid f**ing b****" on Snapchat because her dad wouldn't go on the trampoline with her. I had nothing to do with any of it. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/5/2020 08:29

Thanks for all the help

Today, I found the Facebook album my sister took with her kids by the pool and out on boats while back in our hometown. My problem? I'm our dad's carer since his stroke and she had planned the trip as a mission to help me take care of him, but due to her kids being "sick", she only visited briefly. Twice. In 5 weeks. FML

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By fuckingcool - United States - Ortonville

Today, my friend was complaining to me that she's gained 20 pounds and it's all gone to her butt and boobs. Meanwhile, I've also gained 20 pounds, and it's gone straight to my stomach. She looks better than she did before. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Lawrenceville

Today, my boyfriend wrote me a love letter saying about how much he cares for me, how he'd die for me and how he wants to spend his life with me. What really took my breath away was the confession at the end about how he "accidentally" cheated on me with my best friend. FML

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By waitingformyfoodstamps - United States

Today, I sent out my resume to about a dozen jobs on Craigslist. I realized that I hadn't updated it in a while and went to double check it after the fact. My ex at some point had changed my objective to "I'm a cocksucker who needs a job real bad." FML

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Top comments

By jeffers | 0

#65635 - Saturday 28 March 2009 23:05

if your pants are so baggy that they're getting caught in a car door, then they're to F***ing baggy

By bridgette5866 | 0

#975019 - Tuesday 6 April 2010 5:43

This was seemingly inevitable but it seems I get to do the honors.

PANTS ON THE GROUND, PANTS ON THE GROUND. LOOKIN LIKE A FOOL WITH YOUR PANTS ON THE GROUND.

COMMENTS

By xoxcocoxox | 0

#65609 - Saturday 28 March 2009 23:01

is tht even possible?!?!

Reply

AnaMaree | 0

#523278 - Saturday 29 August 2009 3:39

Haha it looks like im second.

and YDI for being a wigger.

Reply

ricosuave1106 | 0

#892131 - Thursday 25 February 2010 20:29

nope. yer 117th.

Reply

bridgette5866 | 0

#975019 - Tuesday 6 April 2010 5:43

This was seemingly inevitable but it seems I get to do the honors.

PANTS ON THE GROUND, PANTS ON THE GROUND. LOOKIN LIKE A FOOL WITH YOUR PANTS ON THE GROUND.

Reply

sukhdeep | 4

#1019783 - Saturday 5 June 2010 4:42

I agree with me

Reply

rawrkittehpwnage | 0

#1076154 - Friday 9 July 2010 23:24

kinky.. haha

Reply

rein | 8

#2059000 - Tuesday 8 February 2011 17:31

win!

By HopelesslyHpfl | 0

#65613 - Saturday 28 March 2009 23:02

thats horrible!

By McLaughlane | 0

#65617 - Saturday 28 March 2009 23:03

ahaha omg. i'm sorry, that's terrible!

By Warcry21 | 1

#65626 - Saturday 28 March 2009 23:04

jesus christ 15 minutes and she didn't notice?

Reply

joce445 | 0

#1180124 - Tuesday 3 August 2010 9:13

it was 15 seconds.

Reply

SittingInTheSky | 6

#3120270 - Tuesday 16 August 2011 20:56

lolage!

Reply

Kazze | 31

#6160592 - Friday 2 January 2015 10:03

I don't think he would be here to post an FML if he was drug for 15 minutes..

By lancewell | 0

#65629 - Saturday 28 March 2009 23:04

#4 read it clearly says 15 seconds not minutes
btw that realy sucks

Reply

loveyoy22 | 0

#860916 - Tuesday 16 February 2010 5:54

I thought it said minutes too >.>

By MusicMans | 0

#65630 - Saturday 28 March 2009 23:05

AHAHA Thats pretty funny, I can picture that, in front of the people and your girlfriend! Being dragged on the floor. Oh man, I'd have to agree, your lifes fucked.

By jeffers | 0

#65635 - Saturday 28 March 2009 23:05

if your pants are so baggy that they're getting caught in a car door, then they're to F***ing baggy

By scorpiogirl666 | 0

#65636 - Saturday 28 March 2009 23:06

Dude, that... sucks.
oww, just reading it hurts!!
...no wait, that's my cat attacking my leg.

Reply

blairyboo | 0

#856814 - Monday 15 February 2010 4:30

uh?

By puppyeyes56 | 0

#65639 - Saturday 28 March 2009 23:06

#4 it was 15 seconds, not 15 minutes...

Aww man, that sucks, that must of hurt to !

But,Lesson learned, pull up your pants and get pants that fit properly.

By UhOhImF___ed | 0

#65642 - Saturday 28 March 2009 23:07

you shouldn't wear baggy pants.
#9 has the right idea