Today, I realized that in French, my name means "penis." This... - FML

By kiki - 5/8/2010 18:24 - United States

Today, I realized that in French, my name means "penis." This wouldn't be so bad if my dad wasn't fluent in French. FML

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Whatthefuckaburger

Weird kid

Gordon Ramsey called, you're an idiot sandwich

By milkshake - 23/1/2013 00:29 - United States - Pasadena

Today, at work at a car dealership, a seemingly overzealous customer shook my hand vigorously after we finalized a deal. I didn't think anything of it until a coworker pointed out that he was just trying to make my breasts jiggle. I'm a man. FML

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By notenough - 29/8/2009 04:27 - United States

Today, I was on the webcam with my boyfriend. I could see that he was on the couch, and alone, so I took off my shirt and smiled, waiting to see his reaction. He smiled at me but then kept looking in another direction. I playfully asked "What's so distracting?" His answer: "History Channel". FML

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By yeah - 27/8/2010 23:16 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend and I were role playing when her mum walked past the slightly open door, saw me, and chased me out of the house for stealing her baby's innocence. I was only wearing a red speedo. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/9/2010 01:31 - United States

Today, at work I was bored so I started to doodle on MS paint. My boss walks by and asks me to join him in his office. When I do so, he fires me for drawing offensive material. I drew a rainbow. FML

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By mrtoolate - 19/6/2016 08:58 - India - Pune

Today, after a lifetime of being single, my parents finally found me a nice, intelligent, pretty girl. I was really excited, until she backed out on me when she found out our star signs don't match. FML

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By apparently-a-shed - 5/3/2013 12:20 - United Kingdom - Worcester

Today, I was walking through my town when a man on a bicycle rolled up to me and said, "I don't mean this offensively but you're really well-built." I don't know whether he was commenting on my height or comparing me to a shed, but my mother won't stop laughing. FML

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By Lee - 10/4/2012 03:50 - United States

Today, I decided to pull some weeds in my backyard. Everything was going great until I got a concussion. My dog thought that it would be fun to headbutt me from a running start. Twice. FML

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By 1337fade - 7/4/2011 05:19 - Denmark

Today, my wife figured that a good foreplay move would be to rub MY underwear in MY face. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/11/2013 18:53 - United Kingdom - Congleton

Today, I snuck into my boyfriend's house at 9am to surprise him on our 1 year anniversary. In the process, I gatecrashed another celebration he was having with his second girlfriend. FML

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By geek - 22/7/2015 03:02 - United States - Lynnwood

Today, I had to explain to my boss that DVI ports are not the same as HDMI ports. When I showed him the HDMI cable, he said, "Oh! You mean USB!" He's an engineering manager. FML

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By seriously? - 25/2/2009 22:05 - United States

Today, the guy I like told me in casual conversation that I shouldn't get mad at him if he makes out with other girls at the bar, he only does it when he's drunk, that he doesn't really like them. We've been sleeping together for a week now. He met me at the bar. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/9/2010 07:10 - United Kingdom

Today, my job application for McDonald's was rejected. This is the second time. FML

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By huwauw - 17/9/2010 20:33 - United States

Today, I was doing my homework on the computer when my dad walked by with a plate of food, threw his fork at me, and said "POSTURE!" FML

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By Anonymous - 2/7/2016 04:17 - United States - Hayward

Today, after 3 days of interrupted sleep, I confronted my new neighbor about the noise his wife keeps making during their "private time". He then let me know the noise is actually from his daughter, who's mentally disabled and isn't taking the move well. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/2/2016 22:56 - United States - San Bruno

Today, I hung out with some old friends for the first time since losing about 50 pounds, going from clinically obese to a healthy weight. I even bought a cute new dress for the occasion to show off my new body. No one noticed the change. FML

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By iamamermaid - 20/1/2015 06:14 - United States - Hemet

Today, I decided to use an at-home waxing kit for the first time to get rid of the hair on my upper lip. After experiencing the trauma of waxing, I fell asleep. A few hours later, I woke up to see that I now have acne everywhere I had waxed. I have an acne mustache. FML

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By linn - 27/9/2012 20:14 - United States

Today, my mom decided the time was right to give me the sex talk. Towards the end, I had to excuse myself to the bathroom. As I came back, I overheard my dad telling my mom that I'm so unpopular, the only time I'll get laid is when I'm being put in a coffin. FML

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By Dumbass Dude - 24/5/2019 14:10

Today, I pulled into a parking lot, for the car to simply shut off because I ran out of gas. Then I couldn't get the key out of the ignition, so I called my dad, who walked all the way to where I was, only to find out that the car was still in drive. FML

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By DrugsRX - 17/10/2012 22:58 - United States - Winder

Today, for the second day in a row, I was constantly abused, yelled at, insulted, and berated by my wife for "endangering our child's life." I took her to the doctor for a vaccination and flu shot yesterday. FML

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By sociallyanxiousroomie - 19/4/2016 10:22 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my roommates had a party while I stayed in my room, and that was fine by me. What was not fine was when a stranger broke into my room, asked to lay next to me, and then just went ahead and did it. FML

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By mistletoe - 9/12/2013 02:21 - United States - Miami

Today, as a pickup line, a guy said to me, "Yo, can I kiss your vag' under the mistletoe?" FML

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By embaressed - 27/1/2009 17:33 - Canada

Today, I realised I like Britney Spears. FML

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By malloreigh - 28/2/2012 05:19 - Australia

Today, I was eating a meatball sub when a meatball fell out and rolled into my hair and all down my shirt. I couldn't find the missing meatball anywhere. I found it later, in my handbag. FML

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By shampoomice - 7/8/2013 16:34 - United States - La Porte

Today, I noticed that my new shampoo had an unfamiliar pink color to it. After some investigation, I found a dead mouse that had apparently cut itself on the bottle pump. I've been washing my hair with mouse blood. FML

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By IbetIgotAIDS - 12/9/2011 16:15 - United States

Today, I realized that the place that my brothers and I would find soggy balloons and blow them up when we were younger is where the prostitutes take their clients. We were blowing up used condoms for a good part of our childhood. FML

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By I hate retail - 17/10/2016 22:12 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I got yelled at by a customer for refusing to give a found credit card to a woman it didn't belong to. FML

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By doesntkissalot - 28/8/2010 16:19 - United States

Today, I was watching TV when a Dentyne gum commercial came on and stated that the average person spends more than 20,000 minutes kissing. I've spent less than three. FML

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By cats before idiots - 25/4/2019 18:00

Today, I brought my boyfriend to my house for the first time. He freaked out when he saw my cat, and had to leave because he's allergic. I've posted many pictures of my cat in Instagram, but he didn't say anything about his allergy because he thought it was just a random cat. FML

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By olive_costume - 5/12/2009 01:16 - Australia

Today, I went into my room and found a plastic snake on the floor. I yelled out to my sister, "Good one, Ellen!" I picked up the snake to take it to show her. The snake started moving in my hands and bit me. I had to go to the hospital. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/2/2010 13:33 - United States

Today, I was babysitting. The kid said he had to use the bathroom. When I told him to go ahead, he said he just did. He was on my lap. He wasn't wearing pants. FML

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By NotYourToy - 27/1/2016 07:59 - United States - Binghamton

Today, a customer scared me for the sole purpose of watching my breasts jiggle when I jumped in surprise. I know because his head moved as they did, and he said, "Nice." before walking away. FML

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By pain - 1/11/2011 14:52 - United States

Today, I learned the hard way that you should never use medical tape to secure gauze over a razor cut on your scrotum. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/8/2009 06:06 - United States

Today, I went to a wedding with my family. While the maid of honor was giving her non-heartfelt, three sentence speech, my mom and I started talking about how lame her speech was. When I turned around to look at my mom, I saw the camera recording the speech behind her. FML

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By - 5/1/2020 03:00

Long thought

Today, I was on the toilet and jumped when I saw a face at the window. It was my own reflection. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/10/2010 15:28 - United Kingdom

Today, I got fined when my fat dog decided to walk across a private film set to get at the catering area. FML

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By lalalalalala - 17/3/2011 16:56 - United States

Today, I was excited to have a window seat on my three hour flight to New York. When I got to my row, I noticed the screaming newborn occupying the seat in front of me, and a pair of toddlers behind me. I then looked to my seat to find I have no window. FML

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By a faint recollection - 23/5/2016 01:57 - United States - Goshen

Today, while at a trampoline park, my time of the month and my out-of-shape body worked together to make me almost pass out. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/8/2009 05:05 - United States

Today, my brother found 100 bucks in his coat pocket. He was so happy he bought 2 new games for his x-box. He was borrowing my coat. FML

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By Central - 29/10/2019 12:00

Mom of the century

Today, I've not had any contact with my mother for years, and when tornadoes came through our hometown and wiped out most of our downtown area, she didn't contact me at all. I finally contacted her myself. Her reason for not contacting me? She had "watched the news" and "knew I was OK." FML

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By Anonymous - 21/9/2012 19:10 - United States - Clinton

Today, my boyfriend picked me up from school. It was an unusually sweet gesture from him, and I was flattered. That is, until he told me to sit my ass in the back, so his dog could ride in front with him. FML

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Top comments

By hiyouaregreat | 0

#1195336 - Thursday 5 August 2010 23:15

Oh man, I'm a loud cunt. Please thumb me down. Please. :'(

By BoyFromTheFuture | 0

#1195449 - Thursday 5 August 2010 23:34

nice... now you need to find someone with a name that's slang for vagina and you have a solemate.

COMMENTS

By hiyouaregreat | 0

#1195336 - Thursday 5 August 2010 23:15

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

Unbeatable | 0

#1196566 - Friday 6 August 2010 3:49

so close but so far away :)

Reply

thatfrenchguy | 8

#1196590 - Friday 6 August 2010 3:52

132- no, in France kiki means penis, but it's a little kid thing to say, like wiener?

Reply

danza_fml | 0

#1196657 - Friday 6 August 2010 4:17

Actually, it could also be "Zizi", but I'm assuming it's Kiki because that seems more plausible.

FYL OP, but I guess it's a nice way to break the ice, no?

"Hi, what's your name?"
"Penis. What's yours?"

:)

Reply

LexSwift | 17

#1196674 - Friday 6 August 2010 4:20

106- That made me LOL. hahaha.

Reply

bamditzki | 0

#1196751 - Friday 6 August 2010 4:42

haha, penis.

Reply

TheIrishJaneDoe | 8

#1196788 - Friday 6 August 2010 4:50

131: Good catch. :) You get plus one intertoobz.

Reply

KianaCaca | 10

#1196863 - Friday 6 August 2010 5:16

Oh my gosh my nickname means penis -.- No wonder my mom didn't like the name when i said I wanna be called Kiki

Reply

gabii1fred | 0

#2612758 - Friday 3 June 2011 16:10

caca means poop in spanish though : ]

Reply

thelovelysecks | 15

#3056354 - Sunday 7 August 2011 7:54

in french, penis is said, pènis... so if your name isnt pènis, it doesnt mean penis.

Reply

mano47 | 0

#3404999 - Saturday 8 October 2011 15:31

It's a term of endearment in portugese

Reply

Killer_fel | 15

#4086211 - Saturday 25 February 2012 13:25

It also means poop in french

Reply

Jenn_love69 | 12

#6121946 - Tuesday 18 November 2014 15:47

In french too

By hiyouaregreat | 0

#1195339 - Thursday 5 August 2010 23:15

YOUR LIFE SUCKS.

By hiyouaregreat | 0

#1195341 - Thursday 5 August 2010 23:15

YOUR LIFE SUCKS.

By hiyouaregreat | 0

#1195343 - Thursday 5 August 2010 23:15

YOUR LIFE SUCKS.

By hiyouaregreat | 0

#1195345 - Thursday 5 August 2010 23:15

YOUR LIFE SUCKS.

By hiyouaregreat | 0

#1195347 - Thursday 5 August 2010 23:15

YOUR LIFE SUCKS.

By hiyouaregreat | 0

#1195349 - Thursday 5 August 2010 23:15

YOUR LIFE SUCKS.

By birdmansangel | 0

#1195357 - Thursday 5 August 2010 23:16

and?

Reply

MyPupRox | 2

#2954595 - Saturday 23 July 2011 0:41

the point OP is making is that when her dad named her he knew it meant penis since he was fluent in french

By Bl0OdYShAdOw | 0

#1195361 - Thursday 5 August 2010 23:16

1st I win.

By fistnazal | 10

#1195365 - Thursday 5 August 2010 23:17

hi. you are NOT great.