Today, a coworker filed a complaint against me, all because I ate a banana at lunch, which he claimed is "threateningly sexual", whatever the hell that means. FML
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Today, the coworker I like reported me to HR for "sexual harassment." All I did was make him lunch every day, give him 'just because' gifts, and compliment him in a non-sexual way. It sure isn't "sexual harassment" when another coworker of ours does the exact same things; in fact, he praises it and acts indifferent to me. FML
Today, I was carrying a stack of paperwork at work, when my pen rolled off and onto the floor. As soon as I bent down to pick it up, a nearby co-worker, who's always hated me, accused me of putting on a show and sexually harassing him. He actually followed up by reporting me to HR. FML
Today, I had to give a sexual harassment seminar to my department. Someone put in a complaint that my example made them feel uncomfortable. FML
Today, my bitchy co-worker decided that being given a compliment on her shoes is sexual harassment, and worthy of reporting me to our boss over. FML
Today, after telling my boss that trailing a hand up someone's leg and leering at them constantly is counted as sexual harassment, I got called an "unappreciative little whiny bitch." FML
Today, a random customer at work admonished my coworker for being on her phone. During our lunch break. As he walked away, my coworker muttered, "What the fuck is his problem?" I nodded in agreement. He heard her and saw me nodding. As did our boss. Time to get written up. FML
Today, yet again, my boss whined to me like a baby over being "friend-zoned" by his secretary. Not only does he basically stalk her and make her eat lunch with him every day, she's a lesbian in a committed relationship. He suspended me after I lost it and told him to see a fucking therapist. FML
Today, I asked one of the girls at work out on a date. She responded by filing a harassment complaint. Now, I can't speak to her at all without being written up. FML
Today, the only cute girl in my office made fun of me because I'm 27 and bring fruit cups with my lunch. FML
Today, half of my office urged me to file a complaint against a coworker for aggressive behaviour, so I did. Less than 24 hours later, HR gave him a real dressing down and the whole office turned against me for ratting on him to management. FML
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Top comments
energizerbunny23 18
Probably jealous of the size...
TheTedster 15
File a complaint against him for being "unreasonably stupid".
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Comments (88)
GirlGamer12345 22
It means he has some issues and you should run away and stay as far as possible......
EvilLittleMan 23
If OP was devouring a Vienna Weenie this thread wouldn't exist. Such a shame you work with a stupid F-ing moron.
Mike_Sweatpants 9
Michaelgf 13
He is paranoid and immature.
Just2cute2 7
Maybe during a restroom break he caught sight of Op's other 'banana' and felt threatened hoping the boss would catch his drift. Take it as a complement I suppose.
blackychan63 12
It means he's probably a pedophile that wants to ...... you
FucYoCouch 13
Where did you get the possibility of the coworker being a Pedophile from?
ItsATwinThing 9
Yeah #34, we don't know how old OP is and it would mean he would have to be a minor which is unlikely.
PurelyCanadian 18
Maybe potassium turns him on. ;)
w_pony_4ever 15
Maybe you could file a complain for being "threateningly stupid"
Dumbledora 9
This reminds me of a time I ate a banana during lunch back in high school. I heard the guys at the table beside me say, "Look at the way she's eating that banana. She totally wants you!" I guess it can't be helped. Bananas are just too damn sexy. Also, your coworker sounds REALLY dumb, and quite possibly, homophobic.
kittcatt 8
That type of behavior is exactly why I don't stick the whole banana in my mouth, I break off pieces and eat them. Males a super immature I was eating lunch with a group and the guy next to me fashioned his banana to look like a penis and then stuck I think it was grapes near the base.
revelation11B 10
Yeah, that's right. You eat that banana. All nice and slow like. You eat it good.