Today, a coworker filed a complaint against me, all because I ate a banana at lunch, which he claimed is "threateningly sexual", whatever the hell that means. FML
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Today, the coworker I like reported me to HR for "sexual harassment." All I did was make him lunch every day, give him 'just because' gifts, and compliment him in a non-sexual way. It sure isn't "sexual harassment" when another coworker of ours does the exact same things; in fact, he praises it and acts indifferent to me. FML
Today, I was carrying a stack of paperwork at work, when my pen rolled off and onto the floor. As soon as I bent down to pick it up, a nearby co-worker, who's always hated me, accused me of putting on a show and sexually harassing him. He actually followed up by reporting me to HR. FML
Today, I had to give a sexual harassment seminar to my department. Someone put in a complaint that my example made them feel uncomfortable. FML
Today, my bitchy co-worker decided that being given a compliment on her shoes is sexual harassment, and worthy of reporting me to our boss over. FML
Today, after telling my boss that trailing a hand up someone's leg and leering at them constantly is counted as sexual harassment, I got called an "unappreciative little whiny bitch." FML
Today, a random customer at work admonished my coworker for being on her phone. During our lunch break. As he walked away, my coworker muttered, "What the fuck is his problem?" I nodded in agreement. He heard her and saw me nodding. As did our boss. Time to get written up. FML
Today, yet again, my boss whined to me like a baby over being "friend-zoned" by his secretary. Not only does he basically stalk her and make her eat lunch with him every day, she's a lesbian in a committed relationship. He suspended me after I lost it and told him to see a fucking therapist. FML
Today, I asked one of the girls at work out on a date. She responded by filing a harassment complaint. Now, I can't speak to her at all without being written up. FML
Today, the only cute girl in my office made fun of me because I'm 27 and bring fruit cups with my lunch. FML
Today, half of my office urged me to file a complaint against a coworker for aggressive behaviour, so I did. Less than 24 hours later, HR gave him a real dressing down and the whole office turned against me for ratting on him to management. FML
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Top comments
energizerbunny23 18
Probably jealous of the size...
TheTedster 15
File a complaint against him for being "unreasonably stupid".
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Comments (88)
Nevracceptdefeat 26
I think we all know what Gwen Stefani would say "This S*** is bananas b-a-n-a-n-a-s"
sumanmaas15 2
Some people..
CrikOgresmasher 19
better not eat a donut
SirTimtastic 6
shove it up his butt hole and see if he thinks that seems threateningly sexual.
phatdaddy62 23
You speak from experience?
TheTogaedHail 6
For some reason I think he has a gay, homophobic crush on you... ._.
buckdharma 37
Did it squirt?, cause its not supposed to.
awkward_panda 8
I'm guessing you ate the banana seductively?
Fmlsea 28
it probably turned the guy on and freaked him out ,so he complained so you wouldn't bring anymore bananas to work.
imchacon22 19
Did you make eye contact while eating the banana?
cannonman1863 17
If you do it right, it can be.