Today, a coworker filed a complaint against me, all because I ate a banana at lunch, which he claimed is "threateningly sexual", whatever the hell that means. FML
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Today, the coworker I like reported me to HR for "sexual harassment." All I did was make him lunch every day, give him 'just because' gifts, and compliment him in a non-sexual way. It sure isn't "sexual harassment" when another coworker of ours does the exact same things; in fact, he praises it and acts indifferent to me. FML
Today, I was carrying a stack of paperwork at work, when my pen rolled off and onto the floor. As soon as I bent down to pick it up, a nearby co-worker, who's always hated me, accused me of putting on a show and sexually harassing him. He actually followed up by reporting me to HR. FML
Today, I had to give a sexual harassment seminar to my department. Someone put in a complaint that my example made them feel uncomfortable. FML
Today, my bitchy co-worker decided that being given a compliment on her shoes is sexual harassment, and worthy of reporting me to our boss over. FML
Today, after telling my boss that trailing a hand up someone's leg and leering at them constantly is counted as sexual harassment, I got called an "unappreciative little whiny bitch." FML
Today, a random customer at work admonished my coworker for being on her phone. During our lunch break. As he walked away, my coworker muttered, "What the fuck is his problem?" I nodded in agreement. He heard her and saw me nodding. As did our boss. Time to get written up. FML
Today, yet again, my boss whined to me like a baby over being "friend-zoned" by his secretary. Not only does he basically stalk her and make her eat lunch with him every day, she's a lesbian in a committed relationship. He suspended me after I lost it and told him to see a fucking therapist. FML
Today, I asked one of the girls at work out on a date. She responded by filing a harassment complaint. Now, I can't speak to her at all without being written up. FML
Today, the only cute girl in my office made fun of me because I'm 27 and bring fruit cups with my lunch. FML
Today, half of my office urged me to file a complaint against a coworker for aggressive behaviour, so I did. Less than 24 hours later, HR gave him a real dressing down and the whole office turned against me for ratting on him to management. FML
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Top comments
energizerbunny23 18
Probably jealous of the size...
TheTedster 15
File a complaint against him for being "unreasonably stupid".
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Comments (88)
jddrinker 6
Next time deep throat it in front of him while looking him in the eyes.
r00nie 10
Were you staring at him while eating the banana?
TechFire 25
He has a crush on you, OP.
telli164 30
Sounds like he's got problems bigger than his ego.
evelynproud 12
It means you ate your banana in a sexual manner.
carterjanelle 9
Lmfao what a spazz
vikky538 28
he is a stalker ..won't let u eat peace"fully"..
holliepong 8
Tell him eating banana is really good for your health! It can prevent many kinds of illness and provide you energy!
skittyskatbrat 19
My husband suggested you bring a cucumber in for lunch next time. And slowly peel it, then salt it, then eat it. Next employee potluck of any kind, you HAVE to bring "Spotted Dick."
pjsr 32
Perhaps it would be less threatening if you brought in those mini-bananas. Maybe leave one on his desk with a note saying 'This reminded me of you'