Today, my mother was driving me and my friends to a wedding. My friends and I were talking about birth control, and then my mother chimes in, "Yeah, I used to use the sponge, but the spermicide would always burn your dad's penis." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mom gave me a talk on safe sex. During a three hour car ride. With my friends in the back seat. FML
Today, my dad gave me the sex talk. After telling me all the stuff I already knew, he told me never to use Durex condoms. He said, "They break a lot. That's the only reason you're around today, really." then chuckled to himself. FML
Today, my mom found a condom in my pocket while doing my laundry. Instead of having the subsequent discussion about the birds and the bees my mother simply asked "Who would have sex with you?" FML
Today, I walked in on my mother using a razor to shave my dad's cream-covered testicles. FML
Today, while having a serious talk with my father, he said, "Son, you're only alive because of a faulty, off-brand condom." FML
Today, my mum was watching a program about sexually transmitted diseases. Later on, she started telling me that I should be careful and use the right protection when having sex. Suddenly she stopped and said, "Actually, I don’t know why I’m telling you this, you don’t have a boyfriend!" FML
Today, I found out that I'm going to be a mother. This was a mystery, since I take birth control and use condoms all the time. Or, at least, it was, until my mother admitted to swapping my pills and poking holes in my condoms so she could have a grandchild before she died. FML
Today, I was taking a shower when my boyfriend suddenly hopped in with me. We were getting a little frisky when my mom's hand unexpectedly came through the curtain, dropped a condom on the bottom of the shower, all the while saying, "Keep it safe kids!" FML
Today, my mom visited my new apartment for the first time. I was showing her the bedroom, when she looked into my opened sock drawer and said, "Using Durex, eh? Yeah, you were born 'cause a Trojan split." FML
Today, my father informed me that I was born only because my mom lied about being on birth control. FML
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Top comments
Peavey_fml 0
Hey, you talk about birth control or anything sex related around the parents, expect the hear some things you didn't want to know from time to time!
TryToBeKind 0
Actually, that was pretty nice of her to give you a head's up (pun not intended until now).
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Comments (36)
WFMS 0
That's not creepy :|
paleknight47 0
#4 that's a good pun...
Shyman4ever 0
Never talk about sex related things in front of your parents idiot
wheatie 0
I'm so confused.. what does he mean?
hopeehunt 0
that's what I thought of! haha love that show.
J04NN4 3
I totally agree, Jesus, what an arrogant little bitch. So you can sit there yabbering away about your birth control but when your mum joins in it's 'gross'. How absolutely pathetic. Grow up!
Hatz223 0
You so deserve that. Don't talk about something like that in front of your mom if u don't want her making comments like that, and if ur gonna talk about that stuff infront of her expec those comments. So grow up and stop bitchin..... Meanwhile I'm gonna read ur FML again and laugh my ******* ass off again.
mattgreen14 0
YDI for talking about it in the first place idiot
thatguy888 0
that is the original guy
Isamermaid 17
Sure, "you were born as a result of sex." Doesn't mean you need or want to hear the details. To me, it's not ok for parents to be straight-up graphic with their kids, and it's definitely not ok for them to allow their kids to hear them or see them have sex. But... since you started the conversation, you deserve it.