Today, my mother was driving me and my friends to a wedding. My friends and I were talking about birth control, and then my mother chimes in, "Yeah, I used to use the sponge, but the spermicide would always burn your dad's penis." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mom gave me a talk on safe sex. During a three hour car ride. With my friends in the back seat. FML
Today, my dad gave me the sex talk. After telling me all the stuff I already knew, he told me never to use Durex condoms. He said, "They break a lot. That's the only reason you're around today, really." then chuckled to himself. FML
Today, my mom found a condom in my pocket while doing my laundry. Instead of having the subsequent discussion about the birds and the bees my mother simply asked "Who would have sex with you?" FML
Today, I walked in on my mother using a razor to shave my dad's cream-covered testicles. FML
Today, while having a serious talk with my father, he said, "Son, you're only alive because of a faulty, off-brand condom." FML
Today, my mum was watching a program about sexually transmitted diseases. Later on, she started telling me that I should be careful and use the right protection when having sex. Suddenly she stopped and said, "Actually, I don’t know why I’m telling you this, you don’t have a boyfriend!" FML
Today, I found out that I'm going to be a mother. This was a mystery, since I take birth control and use condoms all the time. Or, at least, it was, until my mother admitted to swapping my pills and poking holes in my condoms so she could have a grandchild before she died. FML
Today, I was taking a shower when my boyfriend suddenly hopped in with me. We were getting a little frisky when my mom's hand unexpectedly came through the curtain, dropped a condom on the bottom of the shower, all the while saying, "Keep it safe kids!" FML
Today, my mom visited my new apartment for the first time. I was showing her the bedroom, when she looked into my opened sock drawer and said, "Using Durex, eh? Yeah, you were born 'cause a Trojan split." FML
Today, my father informed me that I was born only because my mom lied about being on birth control. FML
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Top comments
Peavey_fml 0
Hey, you talk about birth control or anything sex related around the parents, expect the hear some things you didn't want to know from time to time!
TryToBeKind 0
Actually, that was pretty nice of her to give you a head's up (pun not intended until now).
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Comments (36)
Nadinek98 0
who the hell talks about birth control in front of the parents
Iloveyou101476 0
get over it. parents have sex too. how did you think YOU were born, silly?(:
anjtrg_1112 23
Sharing is caring (:
loganberrybat 11
Don't talk about stuff like that in front of your mum then ********!! She's giving you a lift, in her car, so she's entitled to join in with your conversation. Totally deserved
flowerchildd2 7
"mom, shut up"
iwadasn 33
If you were talking about sex in front of your mother, why wouldn't you expect her to talk about sex in front of you?
Orchard 33
Omg, this made me laugh out loud! I can just see my own mother casually spouting off something this personal, hahahaha!
elizacandle 29
Oh grow up, she's a woman just like you are and she's had experiences just like you have. If there are certain topics you'd rather not discuss with her don't talk about them in front of her.
Plastic_Stitchez 25
Hahahaha always be careful what you talk about around a non-shy family member :p
fantasyworld 39
Don't talk about sex when your parents are around.