Money: Today, uncertain of having a job next month or being able to...

By willtype4food - 10/09/2012 00:45 - Finland

Today, uncertain of having a job next month or being able to pay rent, I'm filling out tens of online surveys a day for gift cards to McDonald's, to buy hamburgers that I can freeze so I will have food for the coming months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 750

You deserved it 2 909

Money

Weird reason to leave, but OK

Men and their balls

Alexa, play "Get The Message" by Electronic

By elliekilroy - 11/12/2010 00:12 - United Kingdom

Today, I picked up my friend's new kitten so enthusiastically I scared it and it shat all over me. I literally scared the shit out of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 146

You deserved it 29 056

Spray it loud!

By klutz44 - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Winnetka

Today, I took my 2 year-old to a public restroom. I was just about to set her on the toilet when the automatic flush went off, scaring her and causing her to pee all over both of us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 203

You deserved it 2 970

By brokenrelicslost - 08/01/2010 20:06 - United States

Today, I realized that I have completely fallen for this incredible guy, and that I am really looking forward to where our relationship will take us. He just informed me that he will be doing jail time following his court date Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 963

You deserved it 5 810

By parentfail - 11/12/2010 14:44 - United Kingdom

Today, without even trying, I convinced my 17-year-old daughter that blueberries are just peas holding their breath. I have raised a complete airhead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 434

You deserved it 70 685

FIFA 2020

By kicking with love - 06/03/2020 21:10

Today, I was standing next to the girl I like while she was looking at her phone. She dropped it and I tried to save it by catching it with my foot. I ended up kicking it across the room, cracking the screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 313

You deserved it 651

By lovesucks - 01/09/2009 12:52 - Australia

Today, I finally got the courage to go up and ask out the girl I have loved for a couple of months now. After she said yes, I was over the moon and ran home to tell my roommate. The next day, I saw her making out with another man. When I confronted her, she said "Oh, you were serious yesterday?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 017

You deserved it 4 231

By Anonymous - 15/12/2010 22:47 - United States

Today, I attended my son's Christmas concert. When I went to sit down in the last available seat, a woman said she was saving it for her husband. Having nowhere else to sit, I stood in the back, for an hour. The seat remained empty for the entire concert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 591

You deserved it 4 128

By Kitty - 23/04/2009 08:54 - Singapore

Today, my boyfriend told me he needed to reconsider coming to see me for financial reasons. I'm the one paying for the airfare, giving him a place to stay, and covering his expenses while he's here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 972

You deserved it 6 788

But my grandbabiiiiiiies!

By Anonymous - 21/09/2021 02:00

Today, my mother was sneaking through my underwear and found my condoms and the bills from the hospital where I had my IUD inserted. She then started yelling at me, saying that I didn't have permission to not have children and that, "I get to choose, not you." I'm 28 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 014

You deserved it 158

By Chumpee - 08/06/2016 17:17 - United States - Akron

Today, after years busting my hump for my father's business with the understanding of one day taking it over, he informed me that my nephew, who has never shown any interest in the company, is being brought in to take it over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 726

You deserved it 931

By van no gough - 22/03/2015 00:07 - United States - Springfield

Today, I went out with two friends for lunch. The van we took ran out of fuel, so we pushed it to a nearby gas station, a gas station suffering from a gas shortage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 356

You deserved it 3 877

By justmyluck - 12/02/2010 19:34 - United States

Today, my mom picked me up from school due to me being sick. Afterwards, she took a detour to the DMV, and I waited in the car. I ended up vomiting everywhere, clothes included, and had to sit in the car for three hours while the taste and smells lingered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 424

You deserved it 4 860

By Blöde Gans - 25/11/2014 16:14 - United States - Ormond Beach

Today, my mom booked a family trip to Sweden. This would be great, if she hadn't asked me to tell our former German exchange student that we were coming to visit her in Germany. She was thrilled. Now I have to be the one to let her down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 612

You deserved it 2 690

By Anonymous - 23/09/2010 16:19 - United States

Today, my chemistry professor made us all leave our classroom mid-lab because the class was complaining of the smell, and he was worried that there was a gas leak from one of the Bunsen burners. There wasn't, but it's nice to know my "silent but deadly" smelled like it might actually kill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 889

You deserved it 37 612

By timor - 18/12/2010 16:13 - United States

Today, another man proposed to my girlfriend. She said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 709

You deserved it 4 840

By Anonymous - 18/10/2011 19:36 - United States

Today, I went out shopping. When I left the store, I saw my ex, who I'm still crazy about. He helped me carry my bags out to the car. When I leaned in to give him a hug goodbye, he stepped aside, and I fell face-first into a puddle. He walked away laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 181

You deserved it 10 519

By Anonymous - 08/08/2014 19:34 - United States

Today, I realized that my dog, who's 11, eats his own shit, and chews bones like crazy still has 10 times nicer teeth than I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 389

You deserved it 8 341

By Anonymous - 09/01/2011 05:26 - United States

Today, I was in gym class talking to a guy I like. My friend then decided to come up behind me and pants me, pulling down my underwear along with them. His only comment? "Someone needs to shave." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 598

You deserved it 7 576

For better and for worse

By Anonymous - 25/08/2021 20:01

Today, my husband decided he was finally going to quit his job. We literally bought a house last week. His job is/was easy, with pay way above his qualifications. After we'd talked about it FOR THE 50TH TIME, he did the opposite and texted the dept. head that he hates the company and wants to be part time at most. FML

I agree, your life sucks 965

You deserved it 105

By Anonymous - 06/01/2014 18:59 - South Africa

Today, I realised after showering that I didn't have a towel, so I thought I would risk a naked dash to my brother's room to steal one of his. He and his friend were in the room and both agreed that I needed a "trim". FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 265

You deserved it 23 266

By Ava_Darkflame - 01/01/2017 15:54 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I had to call the police to get my crazy stalker of a neighbor out of my house. When the police arrived, I found out that she was friends with the officer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 399

You deserved it 153

Self-fulfilling prophecy

By Dave - 04/10/2012 14:44 - United States

Today, I woke up after having a nightmare that my girlfriend broke up with me. Needing reassurance, I told her about it. She became furious with me saying that she'd never do that and called me an "inconsiderate fucking bastard for even thinking that." Then she broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 831

You deserved it 3 778

By tired of my job - 29/10/2015 08:33 - Canada - Surrey

Today, I was at work, stocking shelves. A customer got mad because I was in the way of her "shopping time" and knocked down all the work I had done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 014

You deserved it 1 365

By Anonymous - 11/01/2010 17:53 - Canada

Today, I thought I'd wear my snow boots so I wouldn't slip on the ice at work. I crashed my car because I can't feel the pedals with my boots on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 229

You deserved it 32 747

Sounds cosy

By haaaye - 22/10/2019 02:00 - United States

Today, my Twitter got hacked, and I can't get it back. Everyone now thinks I live in a trailer and have multiple STDs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 477

You deserved it 247

By ur_life_dus_suck - 21/01/2016 13:08 - United States - Wayne

Today, my mom celebrated a year's sobriety by having a couple of beers with her boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 171

You deserved it 1 687

By fish killer - 08/02/2013 03:58 - Canada

Today, I bought a fish. I put the tank on top of the fridge so my cat wouldn't get at it. I'd forgotten to buy some things for its tank, so I quickly ran out to get them. When I got home, I saw the tank destroyed on the floor, and my cat devouring my fish. I had the fish for less than an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 225

You deserved it 29 742

By Anonymous - 16/07/2013 07:10 - Australia - Albert Park

Today, I was stumbling down the street due to arthritic pain, when I accidentally bumped into a man. He turned and yelled, "Watch it, you clumsy, ugly bitch", to which I apologised and told him about my arthritis. He stared at me in confusion, then said, "Well, you're still ugly", and walked off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 686

You deserved it 3 921

By hunnydoll - 18/08/2009 00:16 - United States

Today, while talking to my boyfriend, I was frantically searching for my cell phone. He was curious as to what I was doing so I told him. There was long silence followed by laughter. He could hardly breathe as he told me, "Honey you're on your phone talking to me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 383

You deserved it 81 521

Health? Care? Never

By peachezthelette - 12/04/2021 20:00

Today, my job threatened to fire me because I left work early. I left because I can't sit, stand, lay down or walk due to back pain. I went to my doctor after leaving work and turns out I have a herniated disc. My job still doesn't care, and my job is now in jeopardy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 413

You deserved it 89

By Anonymous - 10/01/2011 20:55 - United States

Today, I tried to email my Dad a picture of someone we knew that I'd found on the Internet. He called me later to inform me that I had actually sent him a picture of myself in a naughty school girl outfit that I'd taken for my husband. My mom was laughing her ass off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 606

You deserved it 43 746

Beat It

By Anonymous - 07/09/2019 06:00 - United States

Today, we had an office party and everyone had to dress as a dead star. I love Michael Jackson so I dressed up as him. It turns out I looked more like my boss than Michael. I was then written up for "theoretically" killing my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 602

You deserved it 168

By bastards - 05/06/2014 20:05 - Netherlands - Den Haag

Today, I babysat the brattiest and most foul-mouthed 8-year-old I've ever met. After I survived three hours of it, his parents finally came home. He claimed I'd invited a boy over and that we did "stuff" on the couch all evening. They believed him. I didn't get paid, to say the least. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 951

You deserved it 4 197

By GirlinGreen - 30/04/2009 01:34 - United States

Today, I was babysitting a four year old. He was mad and began hitting me. I told him to use his words not his fists when he's mad. He then began telling me how much he hated me and that I should go die and never come back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 288

You deserved it 18 472

By howniceofyou - 01/08/2011 18:12 - Canada

Today, I was at a pool party with some friends. They grabbed and lifted me in the air, about to throw me in the pool. My iPhone was in my pocket, so I screamed "MY PHONE!" They paused so I could gently throw it onto a deck chair. It bounced, hit the concrete, and cracked its screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 458

You deserved it 13 099

By HardTimes - 02/06/2019 20:00

Today, I came home from three months off the continent. My parents drove me home, and when we drove past our house, I assumed we were going for a welcome home supper. Instead, we drove to a dilapidated trailer and my parents said, "Welcome home." We used to live in a large, beautiful two-story house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 092

You deserved it 176

By Joey - 24/07/2012 05:04 - United States - Tampa

Today, on my way to work, I noticed a woman on the side of the road waving for help, her car appearing to be broken down. I pulled over, stepped out of my car, went over to her car, lifted the hood, and checked it. When I looked up to tell her what was wrong, she and my car were gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 678

You deserved it 8 314

By Anonymous - 13/08/2009 23:14 - United States

Today, I went to the eye doctor. He tells me that I've developed a severe allergy to contact lenses and must stop wearing them immediately. It wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't just visited him a week earlier, paid for a new prescription and ordered a year's worth of brand new lenses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 605

You deserved it 3 987

By Anonymous - 03/03/2011 11:22 - United States

Today, I was answering a text from one of my students asking me if they could re-take a test. I thought I'd texted back "No, you can't." Auto correct had used a more frequently used word: "No, you cunt." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 295

You deserved it 26 216

By Yikes - 27/09/2016 04:34 - United States - Cumberland

Today, I finally found the single flaw in my perfect boyfriend. It's herpes. Genital herpes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 867

You deserved it 1 704

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Top comments

mega20913 8

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Monday 10 September 2012 9:22

Hey...you gotta do what you gotta do...more power to you

AussieChild 22

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Monday 10 September 2012 9:23

Maybe spend that time applying for jobs, instead of online surveys?

mega20913 8

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Monday 10 September 2012 9:22

Hey...you gotta do what you gotta do...more power to you

AbstraktThoughts 13

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Monday 10 September 2012 9:33

:/ i wish you the best of luck op! I suggest that you apply for other jobs in addition to those surveys you fill out. You'd have more luck, plus a job would last longer than a gift card to Mickey D's

nikininja 4

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Monday 10 September 2012 11:56

Like a squirrel preparing for the winter by burying it's nuts in the ground. :D

nelds 12

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Monday 10 September 2012 13:05

38 it's a little different but I like your thought path there :)

M_Rainbow 7

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Monday 10 September 2012 13:48

sounds yummy!!

sirpantselot 22

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Monday 10 September 2012 15:17

To be fair, OP probably doesn't have to freeze them. Maccas burgers are usually still good to eat after a month.

FarSide 22

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Monday 10 September 2012 19:53

Wait! I thought your socialist government would take care of you from cradle to grave???

a_commenter 3

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Monday 10 September 2012 9:22

Maybe you should 'ham' up to your parents and try to get some money?

gojira666 7

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Monday 10 September 2012 9:27

*facepalm

AbstraktThoughts 13

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Monday 10 September 2012 9:52

What the fuckery fuck?

Grimmerie 31

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Monday 10 September 2012 9:57

That is not what that word means.

enormouselephant 15

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Monday 10 September 2012 14:11

Not everyone can run to their parents when they have financial trouble.

Mauskau 35

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Monday 10 September 2012 18:50

Their parents could be the reason why they are in this situation. If it is the case I doubt their parents will want to help them out.

Missy612 14

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Tuesday 11 September 2012 5:41

Isnt ham pig and beef cow?

californiapoppy 11

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Tuesday 11 September 2012 7:56

It's a Mitt Romney reference!! That's what he said Americans should do...

mpalmiter 0

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Sunday 30 September 2012 1:38

2- Some people still believe in providing for themselves. I know in this day and age that probably sounds crazy since most people feel "entitled" now days but some of us avoid going to mom and dad unless it's a complete emergency.

firsties 5

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Monday 10 September 2012 9:22

Welp that doesn't seem healthy

cosmosis 12

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Monday 10 September 2012 10:54

Ill give you a welp in a minute!

dalilpanther 5

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Monday 10 September 2012 15:05

Just out of curiosity, but since when does starving sound healthy?

WhoSaidThatIsh 13

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Monday 10 September 2012 9:23

Strangely I respect your ideoligies. A free burger is better than no burger...

AussieChild 22

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Monday 10 September 2012 9:23

Maybe spend that time applying for jobs, instead of online surveys?

fuckme2011 2

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Monday 10 September 2012 11:56

Totally thought that was what op was gonna say to begin with, what does OP stand for ?

SerendipityRose 26

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Monday 10 September 2012 13:03

OP = Online Procurement... In this case, of McDonald's gift cards.

lk2481 4

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Monday 10 September 2012 13:03

Original Poster.

Maybelline008 10

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Monday 10 September 2012 15:53

37 used "OP" in a sentence before he/she even knew what it meant...

Breebugg 0

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Monday 10 September 2012 21:38

My thoughts exactly.

f33rfact0r 5

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Tuesday 11 September 2012 0:24

Yeah same here

HaiGais 1

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Thursday 13 September 2012 0:10

Stfu cunt?

annie_nk 22

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Monday 10 September 2012 9:24

Love the username. Don't fret OP. We're coming out of a recession and things will get better. I'm sure you can use your creative thinking towards a good job.