Today, my mother was driving me and my friends to a wedding. My friends and I were talking about birth control, and then my mother chimes in, "Yeah, I used to use the sponge, but the spermicide would always burn your dad's penis." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my mom gave me a talk on safe sex. During a three hour car ride. With my friends in the back seat. FML
Today, my dad gave me the sex talk. After telling me all the stuff I already knew, he told me never to use Durex condoms. He said, "They break a lot. That's the only reason you're around today, really." then chuckled to himself. FML
Today, my mom found a condom in my pocket while doing my laundry. Instead of having the subsequent discussion about the birds and the bees my mother simply asked "Who would have sex with you?" FML
Today, I walked in on my mother using a razor to shave my dad's cream-covered testicles. FML
Today, while having a serious talk with my father, he said, "Son, you're only alive because of a faulty, off-brand condom." FML
Today, my mum was watching a program about sexually transmitted diseases. Later on, she started telling me that I should be careful and use the right protection when having sex. Suddenly she stopped and said, "Actually, I don’t know why I’m telling you this, you don’t have a boyfriend!" FML
Today, I found out that I'm going to be a mother. This was a mystery, since I take birth control and use condoms all the time. Or, at least, it was, until my mother admitted to swapping my pills and poking holes in my condoms so she could have a grandchild before she died. FML
Today, I was taking a shower when my boyfriend suddenly hopped in with me. We were getting a little frisky when my mom's hand unexpectedly came through the curtain, dropped a condom on the bottom of the shower, all the while saying, "Keep it safe kids!" FML
Today, my mom visited my new apartment for the first time. I was showing her the bedroom, when she looked into my opened sock drawer and said, "Using Durex, eh? Yeah, you were born 'cause a Trojan split." FML
Today, my father informed me that I was born only because my mom lied about being on birth control. FML
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Top comments
Peavey_fml 0
Hey, you talk about birth control or anything sex related around the parents, expect the hear some things you didn't want to know from time to time!
TryToBeKind 0
Actually, that was pretty nice of her to give you a head's up (pun not intended until now).
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Comments (36)
Peavey_fml 0
Hey, you talk about birth control or anything sex related around the parents, expect the hear some things you didn't want to know from time to time!
forever2life 0
exactially! if your old enough to use birth control ( most times meaning that you have sex) you SHOULD be old and mature enough to hear input from other people, including your mom. stop being an immature dik head
BelleBelle_fml 11
Dik head? Really? Who's the immature one here?
effyoubitch 5
And exactially...
TryToBeKind 0
Actually, that was pretty nice of her to give you a head's up (pun not intended until now).
midnyte 0
Awww, mom. Thanks for sharing. We're bonding!
Hannah_fml 0
#3- I'm 19, but it's 100% natural. They probably think it's gross to hear 15 yr olds talking about sex. Lots of people have sex, it's a fact. Deal with it. #7- I agree 100%
casanova_fml 0
are you retarded? i plan to completely humiliate my kids...especially in a situation such as that. It's likely to be just as awkward for her to hear about your sex life as you to hear about hers. Suck it up
North49 0
If you talk about sex in front of your mom expect her to do the same to you.
Miss_fml 0
Hahah omg I actually laughed out loud to this.
SilverBallet 0
If your mom wanted to make you feel uncomfortable enough to change the subject, I'd say she did a pretty good job...
fml1467 0
WHY WERE YOU TALKING ABOUT BIRTH CONTROL WITH YOUR MOM RIGHT THERE????
systeminitiated 0
um so your discussing birht control in front of ur mom? okay thats normal :s