Today, I got my dick sucked. Unfortunately, it was by the vacuum nozzle my cousin stuck down my pants. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while cleaning my vehicle at the car wash, the vacuum cleaner found a new purpose. As I twisted around, the mouth of the hose made its way down to my crotch and latched on. It definitely wasn’t painful, but I’ve now been sucked off by a vacuum. Best yet weirdest blow job ever. FML
Today, my brother said he was cleaning his room. When I walked in, he was giving my cousin a blowjob. FML
Today, I came home to my boyfriend standing in the living room with his dick in the vacuum cleaner hose. Instead of being embarrassed, he simply said, "The vacuum does it better." FML
Today, I almost got a blowjob for the first time. Except I came before I even got in her mouth. FML
Today, I managed to give myself a blowjob and it was great. The only problem is that I got stuck between the wall and my bed while I was doing it. I had to call for help and my whole family came to see what was wrong. They all knew what I was doing. FML
Today, barely 24 hours after we decided that yes, we were now boyfriend and girlfriend, I caught my “boyfriend” with his cock down my cousin's throat. FML
Today, my boyfriend's dick got stuck in the wrong hole. And by wrong hole I mean the pool filter. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. I was about to suck his dick when my mom walked in. FML
Today, I put the vacuum cleaner hose against my neck to give me a hickey, so that it would look like I got some action. FML
Today, I got circumcised by my zipper. FML
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Top comments
RichardPencil 32
Did it work? I'm tired of paying hookers.
devinaww 15
Ohhh I cringed from reading that My vacuum has a very small nozzle...
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Comments (35)
RichardPencil 32
Did it work? I'm tired of paying hookers.
132ikl 11
It'll rip your dick off
fargen 21
best comment yet!
devinaww 15
Ohhh I cringed from reading that My vacuum has a very small nozzle...
RichardPencil 32
Must ... resist ... obvious ... joke!
Thegoofygoober 15
that's what the X chromosome said
GhostFox 34
Fun Fact One: If they're human, they have at least one X chromosome. Fun Fact Two: Some men have more than one X chromosome, and some women have a Y chromosome. Some people have three or even more chromosomes, because biology does some unusual things sometimes. Fun Fact Three: There's around 2,000 genes on the X chromosome, whereas the Y chromosome has around 50-60 genes.
brownapple 22
#13 thanks, bud
Jay18 22
#15 you friendzoned the hell out of#13 R.I.P
stevenJB 25
hey, a bj is a bj.
Warmonger_Smurf 29
Alright officer Doofy, we believe you. It really was an accident.
BoxFullOfLazy 25
I told you not to bother me while I'm cleaning my room!
Rodville 28
*creepy smile* night Cindy
cnewton84 28
Dude, that really sucks
GlennGuagmire 20
Take revamps and put the nozzle on him lips while you're cousin is asleep
species4872 20
You got sucked off by Hoover.
blu4yu 8
there are soo many things wrong with that
noellebelle626 19
I'm sorry but I laughed so hard at this. Lol but hey, at least you can say you got sucked lmao
SargeRho 6
Look on the bright side: You got your dick sucked.