Miscellaneous: Today, I found out the little blue thing that my roommate has... - FML

By calgarygal - 23/11/2016 02:53

Today, I found out the little blue thing that my roommate has been sterilizing by boiling in our shared coffee maker, is a menstrual cup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 595

You deserved it 730

Our house, in the middle of our street

Leave us alone

It's all fun and games, until…

By JB - 09/09/2012 08:34 - United States - Somerset

Today, while my husband and I were arguing, he walked away in the middle of my sentence yelling, "Remember babe, you're only my current wife!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 491

You deserved it 4 896

By Anonymous - 23/03/2009 05:42 - Canada

Today, at the gym, I saw this really pretty girl. Trying to impress her, I started lifting with heavy weights. One of the weights slipped out of my hand. I then dropped the other one, trying to make it seem like it was on purpose. I dropped the weight on my phone. I squealed. She giggled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 656

You deserved it 87 331

By baconandkittens - 26/02/2012 03:13 - United States

Today, I was washing dishes when I picked up a plate and saw a huge spider. Trying to be nice, I took the plate outside and tried to gently push the spider off. The wind blew it into my eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 490

You deserved it 5 769

By anonymous - 04/04/2013 22:52 - United States - Spring Valley

Today, I picked my 12-year-old daughter up from school after her first sexual education lecture. She burst into tears on the way home explaining her fears of being pregnant with her boyfriend's child. As if that doesn't sound bad enough, I've met her boyfriend before. He is imaginary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 658

You deserved it 4 168

By curseyousuperman - 01/04/2015 16:20 - United States - Conway

Today, my self-esteem issues got me jealous of Superman's hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 782

You deserved it 6 648

By Anonymous - 24/08/2016 12:16

Today, my dad's psycho ex broke in and had a meltdown about how he's dating another woman now. She's barely 100 pounds, yet it took me and my brother several minutes and one smashed shin to finally manage to drag her out of the house, all while my dad called the cops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 455

You deserved it 965

By Anonymous - 20/11/2010 05:48 - United States

Today, everyone at work was demanding I stage a party at my house. I agreed to it and rushed home to tidy up before the guests arrived. No one showed up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 429

You deserved it 3 835

By poopiemanlol - 01/12/2009 22:24 - Canada

Today, I realized that you should never teach your 6 year old child how to use the microwave, unless you want to be cleaning melted pet fish for about half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 487

You deserved it 11 631

Hard shoulder

By Anonymous - 04/06/2020 08:00

Today, the guy I’ve been trying to get over for the last month finally messaged me like I’ve been hoping for, only to cry that his new girlfriend cheated on him and to ask if I think he should forgive her, because he, "appreciates my honesty." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 517

You deserved it 193

By WearingOff - 14/07/2009 03:03 - United States

Today, I realized my new kitten is the spawn of the devil. It decided to go get itself stuck in a tree. I tried to climb up to rescue it. But it kept climbing higher. I was about to grab the cat when I fell. The cat then jumped down and started purring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 356

You deserved it 8 796

Slippery slope

By bailey1389 - 26/08/2020 02:02 - United States

Today, I slipped on my son's Hot Wheels cars and fell onto a building made out of Lego. I now have a fractured tailbone and a broken wrist. I called my husband to tell him what happened and all he could do was laugh. My son didn't leave them on the floor, my husband did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 661

You deserved it 176

By Anonymous - 22/01/2014 00:55 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, I learned that my girlfriend can sleepwalk. She got up, came into the living room where I was laying back against the sofa playing video games. I wasn't really paying much attention, until she stepped on my crotch, after which she left. She doesn't remember a thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 270

You deserved it 6 174

Double Impact

By Zoogangcapk - 01/01/2020 05:00

Today, I found out that my girlfriend is pregnant. The problem is that I don't know how to tell my wife... Who is also pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 517

You deserved it 9 833

By Anonymous - 10/11/2011 17:07 - Ireland

Today, I stepped in a pile of dog shit. While trying to get it off by wiping my foot on the grass, I stepped in another pile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 748

You deserved it 7 652

By frenchienyx - 13/05/2019 00:00

Today, I was in Brooklyn for a meeting. I parked my car but my iPhone didn’t save my location. Where is my car? Called NYPD. No car towed. I had to walk 3 hours in the rain to find it thanks to the “Panic” button. So glad I found my car, but the “Loud Panic” button didn’t want to stop for an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 965

You deserved it 1 983

By amburrr - 03/08/2009 00:59 - United States

Today, I was working in my store. Right around closing, a lady came in to try some things on. I went to the back and when I came out, she was standing in the middle of the room with fluid coming from between her legs. I asked her if she was going into labor. She wasn't. She was peeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 806

You deserved it 2 645

Cashback

By elle_hamilton - 25/08/2020 23:01 - United States

Today, when I told a gentleman that, no, he couldn't have cash back on his return without a receipt, he started screaming at me that I was calling his mother a liar. He told me to lawyer up and yelled at me for smiling at him. He also screamed at me to go on a diet as he left the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 716

You deserved it 113

Some guys have all the luck

By Anonymous - 26/08/2020 05:03 - United Kingdom - Plymouth

Today my brother tried to teach me the merits of stalking women on Facebook, gave me a tutorial on how to use improper grammar and spelling to woo them and finally, "using misinformation to start a conversation." He's getting married soon. The last time I kissed a woman was 4 months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 284

You deserved it 209

By FranchezDeVista - 30/08/2015 18:29 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was talking to my mom about my issues with my girlfriend. While she was sympathizing, she slowly picked up my wallet, took $100 and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 029

You deserved it 2 251

Time to get over it too

By Anonymous - 03/05/2021 20:01

Today, I pretended to be sleeping when my dad came to check on me. I’m not talking to him. Why? Because my mom died in January and he already has a girlfriend he says he wants to marry, she's going to be my step-mom. I’m 31. FML

I agree, your life sucks 837

You deserved it 320

By Anonymous - 10/04/2011 05:07 - United States

Spicy

Today, I promised my boyfriend a blow job every time he does the dishes. Every dish in the house has been washed three times already. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 396

You deserved it 72 215

By what - 25/09/2013 14:42 - Canada - Edmonton

Spicy

Today, I asked my boyfriend about his views on personal growth. He replied, "What, you mean dick size?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 799

You deserved it 8 799

By x - 05/11/2009 20:42 - Canada

Today, I spent 65 dollars in cab fare and skipped half of my grade 12 classes, including a unit test, to see my girlfriend on our two year anniversary. I arrived just in time to see her kiss her other boyfriend of over a year good bye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 648

You deserved it 9 331

Death cult

By Anonymous - 27/11/2021 05:01

Today, my aunt told me that I'm dead to her now and not to visit them ever again. Why? She found out that I'm pro-choice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 951

You deserved it 230

Will you…

By why - 17/08/2013 14:18 - United States - Lexington

Today, we were having a family dinner with my boyfriend's parents and mine. In the kitchen, when we were getting the food ready, he proposed. I screamed. My dad thought he was hurting me, came in and tased him in the leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 474

You deserved it 7 363

By Datingdisaster - 17/08/2018 01:30

Today, I went on a date. We met in the parking lot of a restaurant. As I approached his car he took one look at me, said "Nope", and drove off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 599

You deserved it 270

By Champignon - 01/11/2013 14:17 - Belgium - Brasschaat

Spicy

Today, during dinner, my mom told my dad and me in great detail about the "awesome" new cosmetic surgery idea she just had: constructing earlobes for lobeless ears, using skin taken from women's labia. I was forced to sit through this until I finished my plate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 212

You deserved it 4 275

Not a girl, not yet a woman

By Anonymous - 28/02/2020 01:00

Today, I got a very accusatory phone call from my daughter's teacher. According to my daughter, I absolutely refuse to let her eat in the morning. In reality, I told her it’s her responsibility to get herself up and get breakfast on her own before we leave. My daughter is 17 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 257

You deserved it 202

By f.a.t. - 04/10/2013 08:20 - Australia

Today, while in bed, my boyfriend pointed to my stomach and said, "Bad fat", then pointed to my boobs and said, "Good fat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 525

You deserved it 7 757

By nh-Amazon - 27/04/2014 23:01 - United States - Plano

Today, I asked my son to go to the grocery store across the street and pick up some lettuce. He sighed and said, "Why don't you just order it on Amazon?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 248

You deserved it 7 282

Most likely

By lukey101 - 11/02/2021 14:01 - Australia

Today, I had my half-year performance review. My boss arrived 15 minutes late, paid basically no attention to my presentation, and left 30 minutes early. I guess I’ll go fuck myself then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 878

You deserved it 70

Losing my mind

By rawr - 30/10/2019 18:00

Today, I managed to lose a 3XL fleece jacket in my house, which had my wallet and car keys in it. I had the pleasure of explaining this to my boss when I had to call in, after everyone I called did not respond. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 349

You deserved it 335

Honesty doesn't pay

By Hayls5 - 04/07/2009 02:19 - United States

Today, I was driving with a friend when we saw a wallet in the middle of his neighborhood road. When we picked it up, we saw it was loaded with cash. We drove to the man's house to return the wallet, and when we handed it to him he told us, "I would give you a reward but I don't have any cash." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 147

You deserved it 5 993

Missed opportunities

By Anonymous - 11/07/2021 16:01 - United States - Gladwyne

Today, I was going to have a phone interview for an amazing internship opportunity. It was supposed to take place at 11AM. It’s now 1:30PM. My phone calls and concerned email have gone unanswered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 971

You deserved it 59

Sounds hot

By oops999 - 19/11/2013 19:46 - United States - Downingtown

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were going to have sex. To set the mood, she suggested we watch a porno she once starred in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 853

You deserved it 9 428

By me - 14/03/2012 15:19 - United States

Today, my husband thought it would be funny to drive my car through a flock of vultures eating road kill. Since a bird hit the mirror and broke it, I now have to pay for a replacement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 086

You deserved it 3 837

By Anonymous - 28/09/2011 14:04 - United States

Today, my mother lectured me about going to the bar too often. She did this while rolling a joint. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 640

You deserved it 6 396

By housebroken - 22/01/2010 06:17 - United States

Today, my godmother informed me that the rule of thumb my ex had used for our relationship during a year of cohabitation was taken directly from a Cesar Millan book on "How to train dogs." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 366

You deserved it 3 312

By Anonymous - 13/01/2019 16:00

Today, I went over to my friend’s house while she was sick. In order to show me how bad her sense of smell was, she took a handful of VapoRub and rubbed it all over and inside of my nose then said, “Can you smell that? I can’t.” Yes, I can. But I can also feel my nostrils burning. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2 197

You deserved it 273

By Anonymous - 29/03/2018 19:30 - United States - Stamford

Today, I was checking my phone while using the toilet. In a distressing moment of my brain mixing up the signals to my hands, I dropped my phone into the bowl and pressed my thumb into the shitty paper to turn it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 595

You deserved it 3 647

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Top comments

minissaussette 25

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Monday 28 November 2016 9:20

When I used a menstrual cup, I bought a pot for the sole purpose of sterilizing it. Menstrual blood is not dirty but then again, it's really intimate and it's really understandable that other people might not want to drink from the coffee pot after that

Leviathene 34

Monday 28 November 2016 9:15

Yeah, it is good of her to at least sterilize it, but her implementation definitely needs work. Sterile or not, I wouldn't use it again. You should let her have the shared coffee maker, and get your own after this. Or get a new roomie.

Comments

Nysha 17

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Monday 28 November 2016 9:12

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

AverageAvarice 23

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Monday 28 November 2016 12:30

Boiling something won't get rid of proteins, so OP has been drinking particals of cooked menstrual blood in their coffee.

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Monday 28 November 2016 15:12

what? do you not wash/clean your coffee pot? ...

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Monday 28 November 2016 21:13

but not with period blood.........

Leviathene 34

Monday 28 November 2016 9:15

Yeah, it is good of her to at least sterilize it, but her implementation definitely needs work. Sterile or not, I wouldn't use it again. You should let her have the shared coffee maker, and get your own after this. Or get a new roomie.

minissaussette 25

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Monday 28 November 2016 9:20

When I used a menstrual cup, I bought a pot for the sole purpose of sterilizing it. Menstrual blood is not dirty but then again, it's really intimate and it's really understandable that other people might not want to drink from the coffee pot after that

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Monday 28 November 2016 9:43

Well, there's no telling what the roomie has floating around in her bloodstream. I wouldn't want anybody's bodily secretions in my dishes. That's just gross. That mess is how people end up with hepatitis. If she's putting her moon cup in the coffee maker, there's no telling what else she's up to.

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Monday 28 November 2016 14:47

Same here, I have this pot I only use to sterilize my menstrual cup. My roommate still somehow managed to go into my cupboard, take the pot without asking me, and use it to cook pasta. I'm not sure if I should tell them.

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Monday 28 November 2016 15:46

I'd have no issues telling my roomie in that situation #16. They need to learn not go through your stuff. And this is the perfect way to do it. You're also being honest with them, so yeah.

awildwhisper 30

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Monday 28 November 2016 20:06

Even if it wasn't menstrual blood and it came from a leg or arm, I still would want to be drinking out of it.... it's blood

countryb_cth 38

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Tuesday 29 November 2016 10:03

#16 honestly you should tell them. They will probably freak out at fist but it's their fault. Even if they try your roommate can't get mad at you since they took it without permission. Telling them will deffinatly teach them not to use your things without asking. Heck after you tell them they probably won't even go in your room anymore lol

christian1509 21

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Monday 28 November 2016 9:27

Wtf, who just assumes that's okay?

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Monday 28 November 2016 10:04

Thats disgusting

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Monday 28 November 2016 10:47

I almost threw up in the middle of the street reading this. That's beyond disgusting. Fyl

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Monday 28 November 2016 14:51

Same here. What kind of idiot does that?

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Monday 28 November 2016 10:55

That's so nasty

RichardPencil 30

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Monday 28 November 2016 11:45

Two girls, one cup?

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Monday 28 November 2016 13:06

Bloody hell!

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Monday 28 November 2016 13:30

You need to explain to your roommate that that is a biohazard but at the very least rude.

Nearly

Today, I feel like I'm going crazy as I'm in a 2-year relationship with a guy who's 17 years older than me (I'm 23). He's a wonderful partner and I'm totally in love, but the age gap causes monthly, sometimes daily, shifts between wanting to have it all with him, and wanting to leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 27

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40

You deserved it 22

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out my husband has to take Viagra to get it up with me. He never needed it with his ex-wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 625

You deserved it 184

Today, my boyfriend has spent all morning claiming there’s nothing to do when it’s raining outside. Sex is always an option, but he’s missed all my hints, including stripping naked and kissing him, because he thought I was on my way to get a shower instead of trying to fuck him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 857

You deserved it 258