Today, I got my dick sucked. Unfortunately, it was by the vacuum nozzle my cousin stuck down my pants. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while cleaning my vehicle at the car wash, the vacuum cleaner found a new purpose. As I twisted around, the mouth of the hose made its way down to my crotch and latched on. It definitely wasn’t painful, but I’ve now been sucked off by a vacuum. Best yet weirdest blow job ever. FML
Today, my brother said he was cleaning his room. When I walked in, he was giving my cousin a blowjob. FML
Today, I came home to my boyfriend standing in the living room with his dick in the vacuum cleaner hose. Instead of being embarrassed, he simply said, "The vacuum does it better." FML
Today, I almost got a blowjob for the first time. Except I came before I even got in her mouth. FML
Today, I managed to give myself a blowjob and it was great. The only problem is that I got stuck between the wall and my bed while I was doing it. I had to call for help and my whole family came to see what was wrong. They all knew what I was doing. FML
Today, barely 24 hours after we decided that yes, we were now boyfriend and girlfriend, I caught my “boyfriend” with his cock down my cousin's throat. FML
Today, my boyfriend's dick got stuck in the wrong hole. And by wrong hole I mean the pool filter. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. I was about to suck his dick when my mom walked in. FML
Today, I put the vacuum cleaner hose against my neck to give me a hickey, so that it would look like I got some action. FML
Today, I got circumcised by my zipper. FML
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Top comments
RichardPencil 32
Did it work? I'm tired of paying hookers.
devinaww 15
Ohhh I cringed from reading that My vacuum has a very small nozzle...
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Comments (35)
littlefoott69 14
and you yelled out...you have 5 minutes to stop that
Mendeenie 3
I feel so bad for you ?
HarHam96 1
No lube? No motion? I think maybe it's more like you used a dick pump
bidet 10
do you really want everyone to know that your dick is small enough to fit in the vacuum nozzle/hose? I mean, anything smaller than a commercial vacuum usually only has a 1 1/2" (35 mm) diameter hose.
wanted_2_want 40
Suuure! "My cousin"