Today, I got my dick sucked. Unfortunately, it was by the vacuum nozzle my cousin stuck down my pants. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while cleaning my vehicle at the car wash, the vacuum cleaner found a new purpose. As I twisted around, the mouth of the hose made its way down to my crotch and latched on. It definitely wasn’t painful, but I’ve now been sucked off by a vacuum. Best yet weirdest blow job ever. FML
Today, my brother said he was cleaning his room. When I walked in, he was giving my cousin a blowjob. FML
Today, I came home to my boyfriend standing in the living room with his dick in the vacuum cleaner hose. Instead of being embarrassed, he simply said, "The vacuum does it better." FML
Today, I almost got a blowjob for the first time. Except I came before I even got in her mouth. FML
Today, I managed to give myself a blowjob and it was great. The only problem is that I got stuck between the wall and my bed while I was doing it. I had to call for help and my whole family came to see what was wrong. They all knew what I was doing. FML
Today, barely 24 hours after we decided that yes, we were now boyfriend and girlfriend, I caught my “boyfriend” with his cock down my cousin's throat. FML
Today, my boyfriend's dick got stuck in the wrong hole. And by wrong hole I mean the pool filter. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. I was about to suck his dick when my mom walked in. FML
Today, I put the vacuum cleaner hose against my neck to give me a hickey, so that it would look like I got some action. FML
Today, I got circumcised by my zipper. FML
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Top comments
RichardPencil 32
Did it work? I'm tired of paying hookers.
devinaww 15
Ohhh I cringed from reading that My vacuum has a very small nozzle...
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Comments (35)
GhostFox 34
I'm curious as to why the user name is "funnyERstory." Did the OP's dick get stuck in the vacuum hose or nozzle and they couldn't remove it? Did the suction cause bruising? Did the weight of the vacuum parts break OP's dick? I really want to know the injury that was caused, mostly to warn other people to /not/ do this thing.
brenton490 19
"If you use that vacuum it will break you dick off" "That's a weird way to describe a vacuum. Does it have power settings?" " Yes there high medium,and low and all will break your dick off."
stalkinator 21
You went to the ER?
Huntersmommy2197 7
to each their own!
trucker2 33
Next you'll be stuck to the pool's filtering system...crying it just sucked me in....
daydreamer50 5
I was going to say sucks but to lame. To late the vacuum out the closet ???
cuz803 46
That's not how ******** work OP
EmmaMK 35
Yes it sucks! That's what hoovers do
BadKitty13 28
Sorry. Sucks to be you.
chewsef 17
The dangers "come" with the territory.
samlovesham1234 9
YEOUCH!!!