Today, my husband decided to put different condiments on my body to make our sex better. I was thinking whipped cream; he was feeling ketchup. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my husband decided to literally spice things up. He put a "small amount" of hot-sauce in our lubricant without telling me. He thought 1,000,000 Scoville units would make me cum. The only one who came was the paramedic. FML
Today, my husband asked if we could try food play during sex. I okayed it, thinking it would be the standard squirty cream or chocolate sauce. Let’s just say I was not expecting him to be eating crispy bacon and blue cheese sauce off my boobs. Good Lord, I married a weirdo. FML
Today, my husband wanted to use bacon grease as lube. FML
Today, as I was about to have sex with my husband, I said I wanted to "spice things up." Apparently, our ideas weren't the same. He yanked my nipples as hard as he could and said, "Yeah, you like that?" FML
Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML
Today, after months of lacking intimacy in our relationship, my girlfriend decided to spice things up by covering her naked body with whipped cream. Except, we didn't have any in the fridge, so instead I had to politely lick shaving cream off of her while fighting the urge to vomit. FML
Today, it's been one week since spicing things up with mine and my husband's sex life by involving whipped cream. We can now smell of out of date diary, no matter what soap products we use showering. FML
Today, I felt like spicing up our marriage, so I thought I'd surprise my husband when he got home from work. I put on my sexiest teddy, lit some candles, and laid on the bed. He walked in the room, looked at me for a second, farted, then asked me what was for dinner. FML
Today, my husband thought it would be romantic to pick me up and fall on the bed with me while we were kissing. Our faces smashed together as we hit the bed, and my tongue is still bleeding on and off. FML
Today, I was fooling around with my husband on the bed. I was excited as he lifted my arms up in a seductive way, only to roll deodorant under my armpits. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
ChristianH39 30
Did he call you his little French fry?
Welshite 39
Don't forget the mustard!
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (128)
elizacandle 29
as long as he's licking it off you.... what does it matter?
sanecatlady 13
Um yeah, the whole world needs to know about this little bit of info. And when you think of the condiments as being nicknames for bodily substances, it's even more gross.
xadoringx 29
Hey whatever floats your boat lol
nyahz1 7
Did u lick some off his hotdog?
Rapunzel1974 23
If he suggests salsa or hot pepper sauce, be VERY careful. If he's recently eaten hot sauce, there are places you don't want him to put his mouth. Just saying.
happyfingers 15
Well thats... odd.... Whatever floats your boat?
skyeyez9 24
He must be the boy from my 3rd grade class who used to bring 30 packets of ketchup to lunch and suck them dry.
megatherium 4
Why limit yourself to desserts? I once put guacamole on my boyfriend. he was a little weirded out by it, but it was delicious.
gennyv 29
I'm more of a mustard kind of person...
monkeyy100 15
red is a sexy color ;)