Intimacy and Health: Today, my husband decided to literally spice things up. He put...

By Firepussy911 - 14/06/2018 06:22

Today, my husband decided to literally spice things up. He put a "small amount" of hot-sauce in our lubricant without telling me. He thought 1,000,000 Scoville units would make me cum. The only one who came was the paramedic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 913

You deserved it 518

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Same thing different taste

Taste test

By Anonymous - 25/01/2014 12:28 - United States - Berkeley

Today, my husband decided to put different condiments on my body to make our sex better. I was thinking whipped cream; he was feeling ketchup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 643

You deserved it 6 606

By milked - 27/02/2015 05:28 - United States

Today, as I was about to have sex with my husband, I said I wanted to "spice things up." Apparently, our ideas weren't the same. He yanked my nipples as hard as he could and said, "Yeah, you like that?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 424

You deserved it 6 869

By Anonymous - 20/09/2013 04:57 - United States - Santa Barbara

Today, my husband wanted me to "spice up" our sex life. I guess he didn't count on me vomiting when he came in my mouth. We won't be getting intimate again for a long, long time now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 691

You deserved it 12 063

Dad jokes

By phoenix101 - 16/05/2011 05:40

Today, my girlfriend asked if we could spice up our sex life. She didn't think it was too funny when I laid out all of our spices on the bed. She now refuses to have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 020

You deserved it 67 205

Prank gone wrong

By Anonymous - 27/02/2023 18:00

Today, my prank-loving girlfriend pushed hot sauce up my penis hole with her tongue by pretending she was going to give me oral sex. It’s been an hour of burning, it’s worse when I pee, and I think I may need a hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 891

You deserved it 253

Skin deep

By EffinAhole - 03/10/2010 04:27 - France

Today, to spice things up a bit, my wife and I were having sex in our kitchen. She was up on the counter and I moved her over to get in a better position. The stove was still hot from dinner, so now my wife has a burn that looks like a double rainbow on her ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 108

You deserved it 36 950

Saucy

By ouchhhh - 20/07/2018 05:00

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try something new in bed. He blindfolded me and I felt something cold on my lady parts. 5 seconds later it started burning so I looked. He decided to use toothpaste because he couldn't find chocolate sauce to lick off. It hurts to pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 590

You deserved it 629

Scoville scale

By firefire - 30/07/2020 08:01

Today, since my husband has been volunteering to do more of the cooking, I was happy and relieved to have help, until every meal he made had an ungodly amount of spices in it. I overheard him on the phone, saying he’s been purposely making my food inedibly hot so that I’ll eat less and lose weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 983

You deserved it 307

Better call Saul

By Anonymous - 19/07/2023 00:02

Today, while I was asleep, my girlfriend squirted a tiny amount of “mild” hot sauce up my pee hole. In an area that sensitive there's no such thing as fucking mild. I’ve had two days off work already because it stings, and I cry every time I have to pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 477

You deserved it 193

Captain Jack

By Anonymous - 11/08/2012 22:22 - Canada - Airdrie

Today, I had a chat with my husband, and I convinced him to try being more spontaneous to spice up our sex life. This evening, he burst into our bedroom with an eyepatch on, and "seductively" growled, "I'm gonna slay your pussy, wench." FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 404

You deserved it 43 610

riley873 21

Thursday 14 June 2018 5:06

Give that fool ass a habanero handjob. To say 'thank you'.

RichardPencil 30

Thursday 14 June 2018 5:12

You ****** the paramedic?!?! That’s some swift and savage revenge!

Comments

MidnaLink 33

Thursday 14 June 2018 5:05

He thought skin irritation would be sexy?

Burle 17

Thursday 14 June 2018 6:05

Little past skin deep...

riley873 21

Thursday 14 June 2018 5:06

Give that fool ass a habanero handjob. To say 'thank you'.

chocolate019 6

Friday 15 June 2018 0:39

Whooooooshhh (the Hoke flying over your head)

RichardPencil 30

Thursday 14 June 2018 5:12

You ****** the paramedic?!?! That’s some swift and savage revenge!

chichichimcgee 1

Thursday 14 June 2018 21:24

No the paremetic came to the house

RichardPencil 30

Thursday 14 June 2018 21:39

You have your interpretation, I have mine.

engineerosaurus 26

Thursday 14 June 2018 5:43

Your husband is an idiot.

irenke 14

Thursday 14 June 2018 5:50

Wouldn’t it have affected him, too?

MidnaLink 33

Thursday 14 June 2018 6:49

It didn’t get that far.

bluejello2001 18

Thursday 14 June 2018 16:00

If he was wearing a condom, probably not.

realjojo 11

Friday 15 June 2018 4:00

Using irritant lube and got himself a condom? That is a dick move... I suggest next time apply the hot-sauce INSIDE the rubber...

NostalgiaFreak9 41

Thursday 14 June 2018 6:01

I hope the divorce is cheaper than the treatment.

Donut_Wizard 23

Thursday 14 June 2018 6:10

Snip snip.

NirvanaLove 21

Friday 15 June 2018 0:05

how dare you suggest that

FishyFishy 12

Thursday 14 June 2018 6:10

How about you spice things up by adding a divorce to the mix of things?!

Zekfen 17

Thursday 14 June 2018 7:34

Fire in the hole!

jbuckets_404 38

Thursday 14 June 2018 8:18

OP, use that same lube on your strap-on for him to enjoy the new, improved "ring of fire!"

Keywords

Poopoo peepee Love Embarrassing Miscellaneous Romantic Christmas Break-ups Annoying Money Gross Argument Ironic Awkward Friends Cute Haircut Lonely Holidays Relatable Work Bosses Capitalism Cars You're fired Covid Health Cheating Jealousy Parenting Kids

The Top

Today, I hit off with a guy I met on Tumblr, and we moved to Discord to chat. We're just friends, but have things in common. Then I accidentally called him while he was driving by clicking the wrong button, because I forgot how to search things up. Now he thinks I'm a creep. Time to build my walls back up again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 287

You deserved it 158

Today, I was in an elevator with my girlfriend when it suddenly stopped. Thinking of being spontaneous like in all the movies, I propped her up on the railings and started getting passionate. That's when the emergency phone rang. And I discovered there was a security camera. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 331

You deserved it 41 023

The Top

Today, what should have been a nice family dinner ended with my wife standing over me, staring me dead in the eyes, while endlessly repeating, “Get him out of my house, get him out of my house…” until I agreed to take my drunk brother to a hotel to sleep it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 120

You deserved it 755

Today, I was trying to clean the belt of my register at work at a grocery store. I noticed two strips of rubber stuck in the corner of the belt, and after pulling on them periodically all morning one finally came loose. It was a foot. I had been pulling at a dead rat trapped in the belt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 584

You deserved it 3 325

Today, on a first date, he told me I look like his ex's mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 241

You deserved it 953

Today, during a sleepover at my friend's house, I woke up in the middle of the night with a dire need to pee. As I walked in the dark to the bathroom, I saw a silhouette in a doorway and instictively screamed. Turns out it was my friend's sister's One Direction cutout. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 620

You deserved it 4 941

Today, I took some heavy pain medication before calling my boyfriend. I don't remember the call, but apparently confessed to really liking corn, and faking orgasms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 411

You deserved it 15 816

Today, my 21-year-old cat, who has learned when I go to bed and waits in my bedroom for me every night, was waiting for me as usual last night. She got on top of me and I fell asleep pretty fast. When I woke up, she was still there, so I decided to wait until she moved. It took me an hour to realize she'd died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 162

You deserved it 109

Same thing different taste

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