Today, one of my usually unpleasant managers offered me a slice of cheese cake for doing a good job. I declined, but after some pestering on his part I finally accepted it. I have been violently ill for the past two hours. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my manager bailed on me during the afternoon rush; swamped and distracted, I cut off the pad of my thumb in a cheese slicer. Some clinic hours later I returned, hungry and sick with blood loss, to sign WC papers. Manager's only words: "You're staying late to cover your long break, right?" FML
Today, I saw my boss heading my way at work. He has a "no food in the office" policy, so I quickly scarfed down my Pop-Tart. I ended up choking on it so hard that I threw up. FML
Today, my boss was skeptical when I told her I had a terrible migraine and needed to go home for the day early. I removed all her doubts by puking over her. FML
Today, I have food poisoning. My boss told me that if I didn't come into work, I'd be fired. Not 30 minutes after sitting down, I sneezed and shat my pants. My boss still won't let me leave. FML
Today, my manager said I could go on a break when he came back from his. After 7 hours with him still missing, I started to get dizzy. I ended up passing out and hitting my head on a ladder from lack of food. I woke up in the hospital to a card from my manager saying, "Get Well. Don't Sue." FML
Today, my manager called me in to tell me I got the promotion I've been hoping for. He then said that since I didn't look excited about it he might have to rethink it. I was too busy concentrating on holding in diarrhea. FML
Today, I asked my boss for a raise. He gave me a cupcake. FML
Today, my boss ate a small piece of paper off her desk, thinking it was frosting. I have to work for this woman. FML
Today, because the two other managers decided to go on a spa day together, I had to stay at work despite the fact I spent most of the day throwing up in the bathroom. They called me to say what a good day they had. FML
Today, I got to work feeling slightly unwell. A couple of hours later, an extremely attractive customer came to my till, at which point my body decided it would be a good idea to vomit last night's dinner all over myself and the customer. FML
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Top comments
GregoryStalver_fml 6
Well, you know, some people got sent to prison for giving out laxative- or listerine-laced chocalate cakes to their coworkers. If he actually knowingly gave you tainted food, then, yeah, his ass belongs in front of the judge. It actually is considered a felony.
BoredomKillsinc 0
you should sue him for making you make him make you take a slice to finally get you to eat his poisoned cheesecake
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Comments (127)
xGUMMYBEARSx 0
oh. no. Saturn. please make your way to the nearest asylum while there's still time D:
onedayinamsterda 14
offer him something yummy and small and see if he accepts? if he does then it could possibly be something else u ate. dun be too quick to judge ;)
DrummerBoy21 0
Peer Pressure can be a bitch.
Daddymo 14
Stab them in the eye with a fork.
jagd 0
what a cheesy FML
ShadyFTW1 0
Ha
CFSH01 11
That pun was a piece of cake. Cheesecake, that is!
DrummerBoy21 0
Tizzy man. Alberta FTW!
Jimboom 12
Probably used cheese that he grew on himself. ;-)
stewpididiot 11
...EEWWW !!! FUMUNDA CHEESE !!!! LoL !!!
CoconutBizkit 3
I would definitely gobble up the food if I were the OP. Cheesecake
blcarter81 0
by the looks of it, you'd love a good gobble on anything that's put in or around your mouth
DrummerBoy21 0
Seriously, has anyone here beat QWOP yet?
SillytotheSally 0
...I have yet to beat Qwop. the coordination Iis so hard wtf.
rafiki19 1
i know i sound stupid , but what does op mean ? ( the two letters "op" )
DrummerBoy21 0
I was wondering the same thing. I think it means Original Printer or something..
spanelli 16
Optimus Prime.
bigredmonkeybutt 30
oriental pygmies
Selena_is_back 7
old person
blad786 0
"Original Pie"
Mortanious 0
Ovarian Polyps.
blcarter81 0
obese prostitute
Doortje 30
Overpriced Plumber.
2muchshyt 0
orgy party
ninjaruler 0
those guys are trolls. the first person to reply was correct, "original poster"
Person1233 13
Ovulating Panda.
LuxAeterna_fml 0
Original poster?
azn_pridee69 0
LOL
gigglebritches 0
original poster. oh uh i mean orange primate?
mjprox 0
Overweight Ovaries
mjprox 0
Lolwut? Overweight Pinnochio *
thelastavailable 13
original poster
Yo_daddy 0
DUDE I was wondering the samething
Doortje 30
And now you know.
UpsidedownKayak 9
orangutan poop
batgirlGordon 0
other person
LiznessMonster 9
optional penis or, Oscar's pants, depending on the circumstance.
shortystar_fml 0
i think its original post.... but im not sure? i asked many times no one has answered and it fits so yea
43trauts 14
Original Poster
mk58 31
Google is your best friend!