Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend about the importance of foreplay, and that attempting to get me "in the mood" by whipping his cock out and air humping was roughly equivalent to throwing a dry teabag at me and claiming he made a cup of tea. FML
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Today, I had to explain to my fiancé that having me watch him jerk off over a porno is not in fact considered foreplay. FML
Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend why having sex with him was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty Pringles can. FML
Today, my boyfriend's idea of foreplay was to offer to make lunch, leave the room for a few minutes, then come back with no clothes on and offer me a "cockmeat sandwich". FML
Today, it's the fifth time this week alone I've attempted to explain to my boyfriend that I need more than just two minutes of foreplay to get horny. He tells me he's too tired, but is apparently not too tired to receive head and then have sex afterwards. FML
Today, my 21 year-old boyfriend asked me what foreplay is. FML
Today, frustrated that my boyfriend never gives me any orgasms when we make love, I tried politely hinting that he needs to improve. To start with, I said maybe he should be more spontaneous in bed. He replied, "What, like putting it in your ass? Gotcha." Great. FML
Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend that fist pumping during sex is not romantic. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. It took ages for him to get excited, and in the end the only thing that blew up was him, saying, "Oh my god, just stop it already." FML
Today, while getting steamy with my boyfriend, I tried to be sexy and tease him by playfully pushing his hands away every time he touched me. He responded by telling me it's OK if we didn't have sex because my breath was a bit "funky" and he needed to take "a massive dump anyway." FML
Today, things got pretty steamy between my boyfriend and me. We started doing stuff that neither of us had tried before. Then, he straddled me with a raging erection and boomed, "IT HAS RISEN!" He didn't understand why I was suddenly no longer in the mood. FML
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Top comments
heftysmash253 6
Sounds like foreplay isn't his best quali-tea
YumeWolf 23
I love the comparison you made. FYL
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Comments (76)
CosmicElk 26
Ok this one cracked me up! Best analogy ive seen in a while!
CharismaGeek 19
Must be kinda embarrassing to teach your boyfriend how to get you "in the mood". But, he sounds funny.
Bgreen94 12
He sounds like a keeper
conman531 23
Woman need this licked, that fondled, and something else kissed. They need time to get ready. For man to get ready, you just need to be... there. Be there, be naked and we're ready. So, who is really the one more dedicated to the relationship?
silverbane27 13
That's pretty harsh
exoticwaved 9
I like girls who are ready to go. **** all this warming you up shit.
quackImapenguin 16
So you like blow up dolls then? Because that's the only "girl" that fits your criteria. Unless you just expect women to fake being ready.
NineeCat 32
I know a lot of girls who are ready to go at a moments notice. Being one of those girls, I can only hypothesize that maybe the slow starters aren't too excited at the thought of having sex with you? But that's just my thought, what do I know? lol everyone's different:)
emilyjgraham 34
24, not everyone likes just the sex part. Some people love the foreplay part. I have been wanting to have sex before but not quite ready down there straight away so foreplay is involved. You might get horny really quickly but if your vajayjay isn't wet enough it hurts a little and some people want to prevent that entirely. It's awesome that you are ready to go straight away but you can't criticise someone for wanting foreplay. It does wonders for a relationship too, in my opinion!
redhead_sprhro 10
Cause you're so wet?
kyrisonfusion 22
Foreplay is the best part:P
sighlifeman 12
wtf I just read?
_delusions_ 15
- OP's Boyfriends train of thought- "she wants to be teabagged. hint taken."