Today, it's the fifth time this week alone I've attempted to explain to my boyfriend that I need more than just two minutes of foreplay to get horny. He tells me he's too tired, but is apparently not too tired to receive head and then have sex afterwards. FML
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Today, my boyfriend said he was too tired to have sex with me because he'd spent the whole day jerking off. FML
Today, I tried to have sex with my boyfriend three times, but every time he insisted that he wasn't in the mood. I left to get food and when I came home he was masturbating. FML
Today, my boyfriend truly is a master of efficiency, by successfully cutting sex down to one minute for a back massage, 1-2 minutes of foreplay, 20 seconds of penetration, 4-5 minutes lying on his back trying to catch his breath, followed by 8 hours of sleep, including gorilla-like snoring. FML
Today, I tried to have sex with my boyfriend three times, but every time he insisted that he wasn't in the mood. I left to get food and when I came home, he was masturbating. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that he'd rather jerk off to sexy pictures of me than actually have sex, because he gets too tired. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and after 10 seconds he gave up and said "This is more tiring than I expected". FML
Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend about the importance of foreplay, and that attempting to get me "in the mood" by whipping his cock out and air humping was roughly equivalent to throwing a dry teabag at me and claiming he made a cup of tea. FML
Today, I told my man that, in order to get me ready for sex within a minute whenever he wants, he only needs to relearn how to go down on me, which he used to do splendidly but has somehow forgotten. He apparently considers this too much effort and will rather keep groping me unsuccessfully. FML
Today, I wanted to have sex with my boyfriend, but he kept falling asleep while I was giving him a handjob. Ugh, no sex. FML
Today, I tried to initiate sex with my boyfriend. As I put on my most seductive moves, he ever so nicely says, "Babe, we just had sex last night. Why don't we wait a while so you've had some time to tighten back up." FML
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Top comments
Miss_Red 18
im not one of those people but im gonna say it.. time to get a new boyfriend. yes, sex isnt everything. yes, some might see it as a shallow/trivial thing. im looking more at the fact that you've already tried to communicate and tell him what you want, only to be shut down. Thats where you need to get a new person.
cuz803 44
It's called lack of effort and commitment to sexual arousal, including a pinch of selfishness. You got some options here: - Return the same effort he gives off - Give him ZERO sexual attention - Make him jealous with self pleasure like a vibrator - Threaten to peg him (assuming he doesn't like it)
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Comments (9)
Miss_Red 18
im not one of those people but im gonna say it.. time to get a new boyfriend. yes, sex isnt everything. yes, some might see it as a shallow/trivial thing. im looking more at the fact that you've already tried to communicate and tell him what you want, only to be shut down. Thats where you need to get a new person.
Plop 17
Your boyfriend is a selfish d*ck, both figuratively and literally. Dump him, move on and don't look back.
cuz803 44
It's called lack of effort and commitment to sexual arousal, including a pinch of selfishness. You got some options here: - Return the same effort he gives off - Give him ZERO sexual attention - Make him jealous with self pleasure like a vibrator - Threaten to peg him (assuming he doesn't like it)
Vesi 29
Um.. just making sure I'm understanding this.. you are suggestion someone threaten to r*pe someone else because they don't take the time to get them all hot and bothered? I really REALLY hope there was supposed to be a /s on the end of that suggestion.
cuz803 44
hmmm maybe that option was a joke purposely made corny that you blew out of proportion as opposed to the rest.
mando 10
It was probably all in good fun...this is fml
Dirtysalamander1 13
you're that Richard pencil guy that's in all the fmls comments from before lmao
rainbowdonnareed 18
Then don't give him a BJ then
1known 31
Next time you give him head, put on a timer.
peterblackmer91 12
Sweetie he's not tired. He's selfish.
jbuckets_404 38
Give him both for a minute each then say that since he's obviously not too tired for either, you deserve more foreplay first.
wrenavery90 12
He's too tired??? Nope. He's too lazy.