Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend about the importance of foreplay, and that attempting to get me "in the mood" by whipping his cock out and air humping was roughly equivalent to throwing a dry teabag at me and claiming he made a cup of tea. FML
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Today, I had to explain to my fiancé that having me watch him jerk off over a porno is not in fact considered foreplay. FML
Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend why having sex with him was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty Pringles can. FML
Today, my boyfriend's idea of foreplay was to offer to make lunch, leave the room for a few minutes, then come back with no clothes on and offer me a "cockmeat sandwich". FML
Today, it's the fifth time this week alone I've attempted to explain to my boyfriend that I need more than just two minutes of foreplay to get horny. He tells me he's too tired, but is apparently not too tired to receive head and then have sex afterwards. FML
Today, my 21 year-old boyfriend asked me what foreplay is. FML
Today, frustrated that my boyfriend never gives me any orgasms when we make love, I tried politely hinting that he needs to improve. To start with, I said maybe he should be more spontaneous in bed. He replied, "What, like putting it in your ass? Gotcha." Great. FML
Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend that fist pumping during sex is not romantic. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. It took ages for him to get excited, and in the end the only thing that blew up was him, saying, "Oh my god, just stop it already." FML
Today, while getting steamy with my boyfriend, I tried to be sexy and tease him by playfully pushing his hands away every time he touched me. He responded by telling me it's OK if we didn't have sex because my breath was a bit "funky" and he needed to take "a massive dump anyway." FML
Today, things got pretty steamy between my boyfriend and me. We started doing stuff that neither of us had tried before. Then, he straddled me with a raging erection and boomed, "IT HAS RISEN!" He didn't understand why I was suddenly no longer in the mood. FML
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Top comments
heftysmash253 6
Sounds like foreplay isn't his best quali-tea
YumeWolf 23
I love the comparison you made. FYL
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Comments (76)
Solano2580 24
Foreplay ain't his forte!
0h_Boy 26
Am I the only person who interpreted that analogy as "being tea-bagged?"
pacman490 21
Would throwing HIS teabag at you work?
j3nnacide 5
So the people who are commenting saying they don't "need" foreplay are clearly only in it to ******. Why not take some time and enjoy yourselves and enjoy being together before that? I get it for a one nighter but a relationship should be different in my opinion.
TommyGun85 19
I think your sarcasm is just great op. your post made me smile.
takeittoem 8
Pretty sure he's the kind of guy who wants YOU to make the tea...
SublimeChic4 15
WELL PUT!!!! LOL
unwagedwriter 8
I LOVE your analogy! That's awesome!
mneill 6
What a good analogy. Because if he doesn't stop, he's going to just have to deal with having a dry teabag.
bad_boyfriend 10
Liar, the **** helicopter gets all the ladies wet