Today, at my job drug testing high schoolers, I noticed that one of the kids selected for a test looked incredibly high. After he went into the bathroom and gave me his cup with his urine inside, I took a closer look… to see that the little shit had jizzed in the cup. I hate my job. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had to take a drug test for a new job. I ended up spilling the cup of piss all over myself. I had to explain what had happened, then go sit in a waiting room full of disgusted-looking people, while I kept drinking water to fill my bladder back up. FML
Today, I was being drug tested as part of a pre-employment policy for substitute teaching. Once I had peed in the cup enough to pass the line, I put it on the only available space: the toilet paper holder. Trying to get toilet paper, I knocked the cup over, spilling pee all over myself. FML
Today, I drug tested my son for weed. He purposely filled the cup up to the top out of spite and I got piss all over my hands. Oh, and he failed. FML
Today, my boss called me out for a drug test. His reason was because my eyes are puffy and bloodshot, making me look high. I've been suffering from allergies all week, but still had to pee in a cup in front of a complete stranger. FML
Today, I had to be an observer for a drug test at work. Me and two others got to watch 130 guys take a piss, and then leave work two hours later than everyone else. FML
Today, I took a drug test. Not only did I fail the drug test, but I mostly missed the sample cup and got urine all over my pants. FML
Today, after giving a potential employee a drug test and instructing her to leave her urine sample in the bathroom, she not only brought it into the office, she spilled it on the front desk. FML
Today, I had to take a urine test. I drank a lot of water so that I wouldn't force it. When I got there, I had to pee really bad. The cup was too small and when I relieved my bladder, it was a jet that rebounded off of the cup and overflowed going all over my hands, clothes, toilet, and floor. FML
Today, I started my job as a high school janitor. A student decided to welcome me by taking a dump in the urinal. FML
Today, while at work, I saw a kid empty his bladder all over the floor. His mother walked over, looked at me, said, "Yep… that just happened," and dragged him away. I'm a 30-year-old man, four credits shy of a Master's, stuck cleaning up piss at a dead-end job. FML
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Top comments
alex_gen 39
I hate your job too.
melbournearsenal 18
The kid will get his cum-uppance
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Comments (124)
connoreknaust 10
Thats why you have to do the oil change! No noone else likes Blue Mountain State? Ok ill just shut up now.
Everyone_Is_Mad_fml 5
lmfao! Anyone doing this drug testing deserves this. I looked like a hoodlum in high school, always chosen to be tested every time... I always felt like being an add hole in some way. Clever kid. Sincerely, Army Veteran.
Zebediabolical 45
When I was randomly pee tested in the Army, coincidentally right after coming back from a Lollapalooza where Cypress Hill played, one of the testers was always in the bathroom and made sure to watch us pee so that we couldn't tamper with our samples. Now that I think about it, every piss test I've ever taken had an observer watching for tampering with the samples. All three of them in the Army, the one random one I was selected for and the other one.
Bragi 12
You shouldn't be piss-testing kids anyway, OP. YDI.
vanaathiel 13
That's when you send them back in to the bathroom and loudly state that if they don't get pissing and jizzing straightened out they'll never keep a woman
myfaygobabies 3
I find this hilarious I would totally do it
Shamo1980 1
The Problem is that nobody has to search for drugs in other peoples fluids! Drugs are somethimg private and nobody has the right to enter your privacy!!!
SoBeSatan 22
Wow. I guess you were his type.
Shamo1980 1
you think so?
amccaul1976 8
retest if you can. if he didn't pee retest for sure. if he did both be careful and wear gloves. test the pee anyway and let him be positive. easy way to get back at him.
cazza3 15
Pretty screwed up there if you are taking urine drug samples from minors in school. Rules for us were not in school uniform and not at a school event none of the schools business. I'm from Australia and no way could this legally be done we had to be given a warning if they wanted to look in our lockers. A proper drug screen you should witness the person urinating into the cup too.
SoBeSatan 22
I assume this is for an athletic team in schools. They test for more than just illegal drugs for those who are jumping to conclusions.