Work: Germaphobe

Germaphobe

By AFSDALK:AFSDQWE - 23/11/2013 18:33 - United States - Hillsboro

Today, my boss made me cover for him by working two extra hours, because he had to rush home early to deal with an "emergency". The emergency was taking a shit, because he claims to have a phobia of doing them anywhere but at home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 003

You deserved it 3 774

Work

Hiding from the drama

Broken heart

Great start to the day

By cutiepatootie - 03/01/2010 05:04 - United States

Today, I was getting ready for a party and accidentally knocked my blender off the counter. After taking a half an hour to clean up all the glass, I went upstairs to get the spare blender I keep in the closet. I tripped, and broke the blender. I just applied for a waitressing job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 997

You deserved it 6 685

By Lemonhead - 30/11/2009 05:01 - United States

Today, I was riding my bike back to my house. Suddenly I was hit by something in the head. I looked down to see a lemon on the ground and looked up to see a guy yelling at me in a car that was passing. He was yelling at me because I got in the way of the house he was throwing it at. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 907

You deserved it 3 169

By Anonymous - 05/07/2013 23:34 - United States - Houston

Today, I was telling my girlfriend about how my parents are flying out to Japan today on vacation. She was shocked at how short the flight will be, because "It's on the other side of the world." We live in the USA, and it seems I'm dating a Flat Earther. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 987

You deserved it 7 391

By shininghayley - 15/02/2010 06:14 - United States

Today, my boyfriend decided to take me out bowling. My mom was going to take us. My parents ended up bowling with us. I had a double date with my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 728

You deserved it 6 297

By Anonymous - 16/01/2012 14:15 - United States

Today, I found my boyfriend passed out on the floor. Then I passed out, due to anxiety of seeing him passed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 202

You deserved it 6 149

By ekoblick - 17/06/2011 04:34 - United States

Today, I got food poisoning from my wedding food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 295

You deserved it 3 907

Maoism intensifies

By Anonymous - 30/03/2020 02:00

Today, like every evening, our place is literally shaking with banging noises from the apartment below. Are they raising ponies down there? Wrecking the furniture? Taking out some walls? No, it's just my landlord's six-year-old. Playing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 474

You deserved it 116

By bubblensuds1 - 28/10/2009 04:22 - United States

Today, someone left a used condom under the windshield wiper of my car. I didn't notice it until I was driving. And it was raining. It was even tied, so the contents couldn't leak out. I'm not planning artificial insemination anytime soon, but thanks for the thought. Man, I love college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 665

You deserved it 3 080

Metal Cat

By Anonymous - 08/02/2021 05:01

Today, my cat jumped on my chest while I was sleeping and head-butted my nose to show she loves me. It was hard enough to crack it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 634

You deserved it 84

By f*cks_sake - 13/05/2011 23:07 - United States

Today, while tanning on a family cruise, I woke up to a crowd of people staring at me in disgust. Apparently, I'd fallen asleep, developed a boner, and started french-kissing the air. I had to sit through both the surveillance tapes and a grand bollocking from security in the aftermath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 293

You deserved it 11 036

Smooth moves

By ouch - 25/03/2010 08:00 - United States

Today, while having sex, I tried to kick the blanket over my feet and kneed myself in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 883

You deserved it 26 219

By RainyDay - 11/04/2009 18:38 - United States

Today, My friend and I were stopped at a red light while it was pouring rain. We heard a screeching noise off in the distance and thought, "Hope someone doesn't get hit." Someone did get hit. We did. From behind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 246

You deserved it 3 501

By Behemoth2 - 14/12/2008 05:15 - France

Today, at the Eurostar customs, an officer asked me if I had packed my luggage myself. I teasingly answered "No, I was helped by a member of Al Qaeda." which earned me a body and luggage search and a missed train. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 370

You deserved it 68 220

By purpleskylight - 27/06/2012 05:29 - United States - Lexington

Today, I tried for 45 minutes to convince my psychiatrist to take me off my antidepressant. When he finally agreed to do so, I broke down into tears and sobbed uncontrollably for 10 minutes. Hello, increased prescription. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 053

You deserved it 22 598

By mylifesucks - 31/01/2014 23:50 - France - Paris

Today, my girlfriend and I made love. She stared at her One Direction poster the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 224

You deserved it 12 662

By Anonymous - 19/04/2009 21:44 - United States

Today, I was on a friends trampoline trying to convince my mom trampolines are safe and I should get one. While telling her I smashed my knee into my face. I jumped off bleeding, slipped, hit my head on the trampoline, and got knocked unconscious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 396

You deserved it 34 985

By Devin - 19/05/2013 05:26 - United States

Today, I was roasting marshmallows around a campfire when mine burst into flames. I instinctively shook the stick to get it to go out. The flaming marshmallow then catapulted straight into my eye, burning my whole eyelid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 193

You deserved it 27 802

By Anonymous - 06/01/2013 21:35 - Sweden - Staffanstorp

Today, at the reading of my mother's last will and testament, I found out that despite having cared for her for the final years of her life, she denied me an inheritance. She basically said I'm an embarrassment, because when she wrote it, I was 31 years old, with no wife or children. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 156

You deserved it 2 374

By Anonymous - 15/03/2016 05:55

Today, I had to drive down to my parents' house. On they way down, I needed to fill up on gas but unfortunately I'd forgotten my wallet at home with all of my cash and credit cards. I then had to call triple A and explain to them in all seriousness how I ran out of gas at the gas station. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 136

You deserved it 3 291

By Anonymous - 10/08/2012 05:29 - Europe

Today, after my boyfriend and I had gotten frisky last night, I found a note on the front door of my building that read, "Dear girl in apartment 3D, from now on please close the blinds all the way or lose 30 pounds. Either would be acceptable." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 594

You deserved it 18 189

Unreasonable

By shary - 12/01/2021 01:59

Today, I was terminated from my job because my boss “felt like it.” My parents have made it clear to me that if I am ever fired from a job, for any reason, they will kick me out on the street and never speak to me again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 017

You deserved it 70

Warm up guy

By Anonymous - 17/06/2020 08:08

Today, it seems that my four previous girlfriends all left me because they found better, more attractive, more wealthy, more interesting men. My entire love life feels like I’m the warm up act for the main event of other dudes getting laid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 456

You deserved it 219

By Anonymous - 22/05/2015 15:17 - United States

Today, I found out my mom put breast milk in my cereal until I was 7 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 046

You deserved it 3 168

By James C - 18/04/2012 08:48 - United Kingdom - Stoke-on-trent

Today, I was on a first date. She asked what I do, so I replied "I create adverts." She then yelled, "F**k you" and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 245

You deserved it 4 584

By Anonymous - 27/12/2016 13:16 - Australia

Today, my extremely lazy colleague received a promotion with benefits, while I was fired for "not being a team-player". I had stayed quiet about her constant negative behaviour because my supervisor said we needed to "have each other's backs". While I was protecting hers, she put a knife in mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 982

You deserved it 796

By erpuchi - 01/12/2010 01:52 - Dominican Republic

Today, my girlfriend got a great idea for her history class project... while we were having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 427

You deserved it 6 998

Romance isn't dead

By budda1368 - 09/10/2019 22:00 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. It was amazing, besides for the fact I barely felt him. I pretty much faked the entire thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 125

You deserved it 1 184

Close shave

By Anonymous - 13/12/2021 20:00

Today, my mom got a new furnace put in because they found out the old one was leaking carbon monoxide. This is six months after I got kicked out because I was sleeping too much, so my mom thought I was using drugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 210

You deserved it 72

By blueballs - 14/09/2012 00:06 - United States - Santa Clarita

Today, in the middle of what had to be the most amazing blowjob I've ever had in my life, my girlfriend had a mental breakdown and began weeping on top of my cock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 032

You deserved it 8 193

By Ugh - 13/12/2016 14:39

Today, at my work in a self-service chinese restaurant, a lady came up to me, pointed to the plate she loaded with honey king prawns, and yelled at me because she was allergic to seafood. She demanded a refund and another plate. Everything is clearly labeled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 121

You deserved it 519

By Tank - 16/07/2016 23:14 - Canada

Today, my roommate is being evicted. Since we had some very good memories together, I was sad to come home and see all of her stuff gone...and half of my stuff, too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 548

You deserved it 751

By Geez - 19/10/2009 17:02 - Netherlands

Today, I finally got intimate with my girlfriend, the girl of my dreams. I undressed and, ready to step in bed with her, I see her staring at 'it'. Which was quickly followed by laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 050

You deserved it 3 735

By anonymous - 29/06/2016 03:11 - United States - Charlton

Today, for the third day in a row, I have been volunteered to kill and dispose of the bugs entering my apartment. I live with two "manly" men who can't use a flyswatter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 002

You deserved it 901

By waitforit - 23/04/2009 11:42 - United States

Today, I thought it would be really hot to watch porn while my girlfriend and I were having sex. I got so hot and aroused that I came before the previews even ended. That was less than one minute. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 334

You deserved it 93 567

By madamefuxalittle - 08/07/2014 20:52 - United States - Stratford

Today, an elderly lady sat next to me on a bench, and started telling me out of the blue about how bad it is to have saggy boobs. I was uncomfortable enough at the unwanted info, without her then looking at my chest and adding, "But I expect you already know that, dear." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 742

You deserved it 4 587

Unreasonable

By Tanner_6969 - 11/05/2019 04:00

Today, my boss told me I can't use the computer for entertainment. This coming from the same person who spends hours at a time every day on Facebook and other similar websites. I'm also not allowed to sit down while using the computer, which I use about half of the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 836

You deserved it 209

Scooby snacks?

By DogStew - 12/09/2019 18:00

Today, I had to watch my niece’s puppy. The darn dog kept finding turds in the yard and eating them. One turd had worms in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 303

You deserved it 231

By KilledTheMoment - 23/11/2014 06:10 - United States - Mundelein

Today, I spent nearly an hour helping a customer pick out an engagement ring. I rang him up, picked out a super cute box for the ring, and wished him luck. Later I realized I never put the ring inside the box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 004

You deserved it 17 796

Thoughts and prayers

By Anonymous - 03/07/2021 18:01

Today, my mom sent me to a counselor she knew "through the church" so that I could get some stressors off my chest. Worst idea ever. This "counselor" invalidated everything I had to say and basically told me to pray the issues away, all while completely ignoring me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 085

You deserved it 94

By Anonymous - 04/07/2009 22:46 - United States

Today, I went swimming with this guy I like at dammed river. While we were jumping off the dam, I decided to try to impress him by doing a front flip. I didn't jump far enough off, so when I went to flip, my face skidded down the concrete wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 819

You deserved it 44 810

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

Jemm_fml 29

Send a private message

Sunday 24 November 2013 2:53

Frankly, I know how he feels, especially if he once accidentally clogged the toilet before his cute co worker went in afterwards... FML

KasiaLilith 13

Send a private message

Sunday 24 November 2013 3:09

It is not at all uncommon to feel uncomfortable using a public washroom. If I can avoid pooping in a place, where I have to sit for a while and have no idea who sat there before me.. not to mention the inconvenience of stinking up the place or even worse, making noises while there are other people around..

KeeLady 20

Send a private message

Sunday 24 November 2013 2:52

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

KasiaLilith 13

Send a private message

Sunday 24 November 2013 3:09

onlychildFTW 33

Send a private message

Sunday 24 November 2013 3:36

Really? If he does have a phobia of public bathroom usage then for him it was an emergency. I would never go #2 in public, gross. Also, him getting a high position in a company has nothing to do with this.

ZomBgal 12

Send a private message

Sunday 24 November 2013 3:53

I've known so many people like this. It makes me wonder if he is one those people who gets completely naked just to shit, too. What a stinker he is though. I bet he didn't even really have to poo, probably just took two hours to himself.

TwiztedYuri 9

Send a private message

Sunday 24 November 2013 5:46

not a lie. I'm the same way. if I really have to go I can sit down on a toilet at work or school and nothkng will happen even tho my stomach is about to explode.

strawberrywine22 27

Send a private message

Sunday 24 November 2013 6:46

my husband is the same way. He cannot use a public bathroom except to pee, and when he goes at home he has to take everything off including his wedding ring, and even has to move the bath mat. He can't have anything touching him at all.

8born8 18

Send a private message

Sunday 24 November 2013 14:23

I can understand the anxiety and apprehension of using a public toilet at the best of times, but wow 60, that's a whole new level of weird to me. I can't recall ever hearing about anything like that.

Jemm_fml 29

Send a private message

Sunday 24 November 2013 2:53

Frankly, I know how he feels, especially if he once accidentally clogged the toilet before his cute co worker went in afterwards... FML

KasiaLilith 13

Send a private message

Sunday 24 November 2013 3:06

I believe most places have separate washrooms for ladies and gentlemen

isuckok 11

Send a private message

Sunday 24 November 2013 3:28

Perhaps he is sexually interested in people of the same gender. You never know.

Vashen 5

Send a private message

Sunday 24 November 2013 5:26

Or it could have been a unisex bathroom..

Jemm_fml 29

Send a private message

Sunday 24 November 2013 7:29

Yes it was a unisex bathroom, the only one of two stalls in that small office block. Nope, not a I'm not gay but man or woman, it's embarrassing having someone run into the stall you had no choice but to take a dump in.

Sandman366 6

Send a private message

Sunday 24 November 2013 18:24

Yeah, I often don't care for using public bathrooms, because someone might've peed on the seat or the place smells like someone died...or worse. I once accidentally broke a toilet by putting the seat down too quickly - parts of the bowl broke off into the toilet. (I didn't even know that was possible!)

Jemm_fml 29

Send a private message

Wednesday 27 November 2013 13:25

POWER POOP

Ambient25 24

Send a private message

Sunday 24 November 2013 2:54

Try and find a way to hide his keys next time, and once he's forced to use it, get back at him by making sure there is no TP in the work bathroom

iamtheinsomniac 11

Send a private message

Sunday 24 November 2013 16:56

That is, if you plan on getting fired.

emirie 21

Send a private message

Sunday 24 November 2013 2:56

Maybe he should be the one in charge of cleaning the work bathrooms. No more reason for him to have such a fear.

blackrose3033 4

Send a private message

Sunday 24 November 2013 3:01

I'd still consider you a good employee for doing that. Not many people would give up two extra hours for their boss. Honestly I hate doing #2 anywhere but at home too so I feel his pain.

amtkldr 9

Send a private message

Sunday 24 November 2013 4:23

Phobias are irrational and people who don't have one don't understand the intense anxiety they feel. Try not to judge your boss too hard, OP! It was really nice of you to work extra hours.

Sports_guy3 28

Send a private message

Sunday 24 November 2013 4:24

#6- Same here. I understand.

qassaq 14

Send a private message

Sunday 24 November 2013 3:01

That man needs some serious help. Did he ever leave his hometown? I guess no business trip for that guy.

TheDrifter 23

Send a private message

Sunday 24 November 2013 3:03

There has to be a name for that phobia. A lot of people are deathly afraid of public washrooms. Me, I prefer them. Why stink up my own house when I can inflict that torture on unsuspecting strangers?