Today, I went to visit my parents. Dad went on a religious tirade, and Mum got sick of him and pelted a Brazil nut at his head. Dad then lost his shit, and told Mum to go to her room and pray. I now remember why I moved out of home in the first place. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my stupid drunk dad was yelling for food and since my mum needed to finish her taxes before midnight, I told him to STFU and passed him prawn fried rice, which he told me to shove up my ass. I threw it in the bin, since he's the only meat eater in the family. When she'd finished, she yelled at me instead of him. FML
Today, my mother and I got into an argument, and she told me to go to my room. I refused, prompting her to slap the shit out of me. I'm 29, and she was visiting me at my own house. FML
Today, I visited my dad. He gave the, "You live under my roof, you follow my rules" lecture since I didn't do my "chores". I moved out 3 years ago. FML
Today, my dad and I got into an argument, and he ended up calling me a son of a bitch. My mom heard and started arguing with him over him calling her a bitch. Three hours later, I'm now staying at my gran's house with my mom and hoping her threats of a divorce weren't for real. FML
Today, my mum staggered home, piss drunk. When I tried to walk her to her room, she shoved me away and cursed at me for being a "goody two-shoes". She then slurred, "I fucked your mum", and informed me that my mum is a skank. That's good to know, mum. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend home to meet my parents. My dad was having a bad day and was rude from the outset, but things went to total hell when he started screaming that he'd "kill" our microwave if it didn't "shut the hell up". My girlfriend now thinks we're a family of abusive psychos. FML
Today, I had dinner with my family for the first time in a couple of days. My mum and dad spent the majority of the time arguing whether salt or pepper weighed more. This is why I'm not home often. FML
Today, I visited my Mum. She has invited me to visit her before, but kept cancelling whenever I tried to arrange an actual visit. I finally went over anyway, only to find her in a soiled nappy, room in ruins, with kidney failure-induced dementia. Sometimes they hide it well over the phone. FML
Today, I got into an argument with my dad in his hotel room. I lost my temper and stormed out onto the balcony for some fresh air, at which point he decided to lock the door behind me, trapping me there for half an hour while he watched TV. FML
Today, my mom and dad got into a fight, during which my dad said to my mom that her health conditions were of her own doing. Because of that, I got pissed and had a fight with my dad, taking my mom's side. Turns out, my mom took his side and ratted me out. FML
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Top comments
netbeui435 3
the holier than thou ones are the worst.
evangldbrg 0
My family was pretty much the same, but with my mom and dad roles switched with yours. FYL, and be lucky you're out of the house...unfortunately I'm not, but should only be a few months before I am
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Comments (112)
Zoa_fml 0
no one cares about your disfunctional family!!
Flounder 2
OP and #58, no one asked for your life stories.
f_u_u_f_f 0
This IS an FML situation. In my case, I usually stay over my family's place when I visit them. So when drama happens, it can be very frustrating because I am "trapped" there. Not in reality, but it feels that way. So I can empathize.
aaaaa12345_fml 0
so tell them to get a divorce
aaaaa12345_fml 0
so tell them to get a divorce
aberfrog5 0
Lol. If anybody threw a Brazil Nut at anybody else's head I would laugh. :P
xx5shotBRxx 0
"Did you just throw that nut at me?" *takes bible out of pants. throws* "Youre sleeping outside until you can answer every question I ask you about that book!"
LesYeuxDeDario 0
XDDDDDDDDD I Can't Breathe now asshole !
notlovingit 0
not an FML but i fell of my chair laughing
xScoutx 0
Dear Pimpin88, You're retarded. 9/11 was the only terrorist attack in the U.S. by an exteme terrorist group. It was a GROUP, not by another country, and it's been 8 years since and STILL no other attack. Plus the fact that every other country in the WORLD threatened they would attack us. Christianity is actually violent. It tells people if they're not brainwashed into thinking there's an invisible supreme being watching them every second, then they burn and suffer pain for eternity. Also, Christians have sacrificed and killed people for not following religion, and for commiting sin and forcing them to converge to Christianity.
simplymad_xx 0
You're an idiot for thinking that Christianity is the least violent religion, and the other person who replied to you is an idiot for thinking every single Christian is like that.