Today, I went to visit my parents. Dad went on a religious tirade, and Mum got sick of him and pelted a Brazil nut at his head. Dad then lost his shit, and told Mum to go to her room and pray. I now remember why I moved out of home in the first place. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my stupid drunk dad was yelling for food and since my mum needed to finish her taxes before midnight, I told him to STFU and passed him prawn fried rice, which he told me to shove up my ass. I threw it in the bin, since he's the only meat eater in the family. When she'd finished, she yelled at me instead of him. FML
Today, my mother and I got into an argument, and she told me to go to my room. I refused, prompting her to slap the shit out of me. I'm 29, and she was visiting me at my own house. FML
Today, I visited my dad. He gave the, "You live under my roof, you follow my rules" lecture since I didn't do my "chores". I moved out 3 years ago. FML
Today, my dad and I got into an argument, and he ended up calling me a son of a bitch. My mom heard and started arguing with him over him calling her a bitch. Three hours later, I'm now staying at my gran's house with my mom and hoping her threats of a divorce weren't for real. FML
Today, my mum staggered home, piss drunk. When I tried to walk her to her room, she shoved me away and cursed at me for being a "goody two-shoes". She then slurred, "I fucked your mum", and informed me that my mum is a skank. That's good to know, mum. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend home to meet my parents. My dad was having a bad day and was rude from the outset, but things went to total hell when he started screaming that he'd "kill" our microwave if it didn't "shut the hell up". My girlfriend now thinks we're a family of abusive psychos. FML
Today, I had dinner with my family for the first time in a couple of days. My mum and dad spent the majority of the time arguing whether salt or pepper weighed more. This is why I'm not home often. FML
Today, I visited my Mum. She has invited me to visit her before, but kept cancelling whenever I tried to arrange an actual visit. I finally went over anyway, only to find her in a soiled nappy, room in ruins, with kidney failure-induced dementia. Sometimes they hide it well over the phone. FML
Today, I got into an argument with my dad in his hotel room. I lost my temper and stormed out onto the balcony for some fresh air, at which point he decided to lock the door behind me, trapping me there for half an hour while he watched TV. FML
Today, my mom and dad got into a fight, during which my dad said to my mom that her health conditions were of her own doing. Because of that, I got pissed and had a fight with my dad, taking my mom's side. Turns out, my mom took his side and ratted me out. FML
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Top comments
netbeui435 3
the holier than thou ones are the worst.
evangldbrg 0
My family was pretty much the same, but with my mom and dad roles switched with yours. FYL, and be lucky you're out of the house...unfortunately I'm not, but should only be a few months before I am
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Comments (112)
jBird_fml 0
******* hell. Go home and **** your boyfriend in the arse. It's what I do quite frequently.
xoerica9 0
oh wow, your mother must be so proud. ANYWAYS, I love this FML! =D
psyx 0
Agreed. I love this FML - it's one of the few that actually made me laugh.
hellokittywhore 0
lol I'd pray for god to strike him down with a bolt of lightning. :D
BloodRedSpark 9
I'm guessing this is a male user, trying to tell us something.
BloodRedSpark 9
I'm guessing this is a male user, trying to tell us something.
Mihir 1
WTF?!
shinybluedollar 3
So sorry your parents are so frickin' CRAZY!!!
jBird_fml 0
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz
IambecomeRAWR 0
I am so spectacularly underwhelmed. You must be so proud that you were, through complete fluke and no skill, one of the first hundred or so people to go to FML after it was updated. That's the kind of thing they should give medals for....
Poepiepiesie 3
Epitome of sadness.
stangfreak1984 0
shineybluedollar is hot
evangldbrg 0
My family was pretty much the same, but with my mom and dad roles switched with yours. FYL, and be lucky you're out of the house...unfortunately I'm not, but should only be a few months before I am
Pirater666 0
haha. this is why i think religion is stupid. that and a lot of other reasons.
Dango_fml 0
ignore this, replied to wrong comment
Maximus_Axiom 7
yes religion is fairytails and messes up everything wars have been fought over religion for centuries
sublime93 0
Doesn't sound so bad..
netbeui435 3
the holier than thou ones are the worst.
Kira_fml 0
ROFL. Should've eaten his god, by which I mean the spaghetti. Mhhmmm.
no0000ob 0
wtf are u talkin about u stupid bag of shit
graciedacie 0
Whaaaaaaaaaat?
someguy945 0
No offense to the OP but you sound kinda heretical.
diet_otaku 0
same here, who the hell approved this one?
greenltrn2003 0
rotfl ohh mann....I want to reply to like half the comments on this FML. I love the humor on this site but yeahh this is a sorta pointless post. kinda funny but then you leave me feeling like wheres the conflict in your life? at least you're out of there