Get a new family.

YDI for owning a dog

Sounds like my family as well...and ironically enough, we live in Missouri as well. Maybe they put something in the water?

Not ironic, coincidental.
Irony = slapping a kid in the face with No More Tears shampoo.
Coincidence = having near identical families in the same state.

This is a real FYL.

haha ydi for having an awsome family

F your mom's life.

HA! Welcome to Missouri! Wow, there are a lot of people from Missouri on here...WONDER WHAT THAT MEANS?!

#38 wtf?!

The scene with the dad made me laugh my ass off xD

I say move out.

Missouri is a sad place? idk I've never been there meself

hey you!!! yea you BBQ ribs!! who's your daddy??!?!?!!!???!!!??

Fucking RETARD.

you are kinda hot haha:)

to imossible :P

The sister one was funny

Damn... a possible night of REALLY HEAVY drinking?

I'm from Missouri. There's definitely not something in the water. That I know of.

Op should just pack her bags, and book it. I would.

All family's suck. Get over it.

Agreed.

Not like that. Jesus. I'd think I fell through the looking glass.

agreed. that's family, and for some reason the messed-up (ness) seems to work. i'm sure you're just as weird as they are.

Yeah, he didn't mention his problems, which could be just as ace.

Best FML I have actually read. Subtly comic, not outright farsical, not hard to believe. I like.

Speak for yourself! My family's great.

True but this one is just plain messed up.

fyl, that sux :/ s.u people who tell them to get over it... must be tough.

English.exe is not responding.

Stand back, everyone. I'm going to try and translate:

Fuck your life, that sucks :/ Fuck you people who tell them to get over it... It must be tough.

Did I get that right?

Poor thing, this is a real FML =/

I feel bad :/

I'm sorry that's awful. :( I hope you're doing alright.

Wow this truly is FYL

...And what were you doing? I noticed you never said what degrading thing you had done, so this FML is incomplete. Tryin' to make everyone else look bad.... tsk.

Did you wake up kn the wrong side of the granola bed......have some granola and chill dude!

I hope this isn't what you really think, and it was just your half-assed attempt at being funny.

#6 You are really stupid

Sounds to me like a typical Missouri family dinner.

Was the dog in the bed with your sister?

hella trolling. I hate you

Oh that dog o' Mine!

According to the new illustration, yes.

She was probably most worried about you, her boring stick-in-the-mud wet blanket of a son who wouldn't know what having fun is if it bit him on the ass.

I'm actually barbecuing right now and if my guests don't look at it and yell, "Who's your daddy?" or something like that, it's an epic fail for me! ;)

You're barbecuing at 8:30 am? It's SUNDAY.
I can haz some?

Edit: Or 9:30, I don't know what time zone you're in...

I finished it at 7pm CDT. It's smoked brisket -- takes forever! We're serving it Friday, c'mon over. If you can't make it, don't worry. I'll make it a lot out in rural Utah. We'll have to import mesquite from Texas, though.

We gave a little to my brother-in-law and guess what he said? "Who's you daddy?!" The OP is a dullard, just like I said before.

ahh get off FML pleaase!
witty comments suck u havent even gotten an FML published

people who get FMLs published > witty commenters

Lolwut @ 120.

plexi, what are you preparing for, the last supper!? That's a long time...
Ok, I'll be there Friday. Make all the little children leave me alone, though.
I told you you can't make brisket in Utah! The plexikids need a good role model with better taste in food. =)
I think he actually said "afshghhfasgjh *gurgle* sakfhjgninaf" and you mistook it for a compliment.

Congrats on the Cheetos in the hair caper. Comedy genius!

Your equation is fucked up. Just because you snuck in a report of being victimized by the group of douchebags you call "friends" doesn't make you "greater than" any witty commenter.

I could start a list of many names all of whom are > you, but I wouldn't want to offend anyone I might accidentally leave off.

If you have to call yourself "cool," you are not. Same thing goes with "funny" and "smart" and "fair and balanced" in case you want to get a really cool nickname.

I guess I haven't published any FML's because my life is pretty good. The F'd part is tedium, ennui, boredom -- nothing that can fit in a punchy 300-character statement. Bad things happen but they are not really funny or unique.

So to win your approval, I'm submitting this one:

Today, I was enjoying FML as usual, when I was verbally attacked by some crazed, douchebag bitch who has some sort of hard-on for me. She was claiming to be superior to me because she has birdshit in her hair. Her attempts to curse me obviously reveal that she is madly, though obsessively, in love with me. FML.

Wish me luck!

Sorry Op, i laughed. Hard.

haha me too...now i feel bad :( but it was hilarious.

agreed, epic laughter

As long as they aren't like that every night, then that's not too bad.