Today, my whole family was sitting in the kitchen. My sister was stoned and passed out in our dog's bed. My dad was drunk, yelling "who's your daddy" at his plate of barbecue, and my mom just sat there with that, "what the hell happened to my life" look on her face. FML
By Anonymous / Sunday 13 September 2009 09:27 / United States
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  Poonheart  |  0

YDI for owning a dog

  Sessee  |  4

Not ironic, coincidental.
Irony = slapping a kid in the face with No More Tears shampoo.
Coincidence = having near identical families in the same state.

By  whoredior  |  0

All family's suck. Get over it.

  TheDoge  |  0

Yeah, he didn't mention his problems, which could be just as ace.

Best FML I have actually read. Subtly comic, not outright farsical, not hard to believe. I like.


Stand back, everyone. I'm going to try and translate:

Fuck your life, that sucks :/ Fuck you people who tell them to get over it... It must be tough.

Did I get that right?

  colton_colton  |  49

I feel bad :/

By  caancoha  |  0

...And what were you doing? I noticed you never said what degrading thing you had done, so this FML is incomplete. Tryin' to make everyone else look bad.... tsk.

By  plexico  |  3

She was probably most worried about you, her boring stick-in-the-mud wet blanket of a son who wouldn't know what having fun is if it bit him on the ass.

I'm actually barbecuing right now and if my guests don't look at it and yell, "Who's your daddy?" or something like that, it's an epic fail for me! ;)

  plexico  |  3

I finished it at 7pm CDT. It's smoked brisket -- takes forever! We're serving it Friday, c'mon over. If you can't make it, don't worry. I'll make it a lot out in rural Utah. We'll have to import mesquite from Texas, though.

We gave a little to my brother-in-law and guess what he said? "Who's you daddy?!" The OP is a dullard, just like I said before.

  Intoxicunt  |  5

Lolwut @ 120.

plexi, what are you preparing for, the last supper!? That's a long time...
Ok, I'll be there Friday. Make all the little children leave me alone, though.
I told you you can't make brisket in Utah! The plexikids need a good role model with better taste in food. =)
I think he actually said "afshghhfasgjh *gurgle* sakfhjgninaf" and you mistook it for a compliment.

  plexico  |  3

Congrats on the Cheetos in the hair caper. Comedy genius!

Your equation is fucked up. Just because you snuck in a report of being victimized by the group of douchebags you call "friends" doesn't make you "greater than" any witty commenter.

I could start a list of many names all of whom are > you, but I wouldn't want to offend anyone I might accidentally leave off.

If you have to call yourself "cool," you are not. Same thing goes with "funny" and "smart" and "fair and balanced" in case you want to get a really cool nickname.

I guess I haven't published any FML's because my life is pretty good. The F'd part is tedium, ennui, boredom -- nothing that can fit in a punchy 300-character statement. Bad things happen but they are not really funny or unique.

So to win your approval, I'm submitting this one:

Today, I was enjoying FML as usual, when I was verbally attacked by some crazed, douchebag bitch who has some sort of hard-on for me. She was claiming to be superior to me because she has birdshit in her hair. Her attempts to curse me obviously reveal that she is madly, though obsessively, in love with me. FML.

Wish me luck!