Today, I went to visit my parents. Dad went on a religious tirade, and Mum got sick of him and pelted a Brazil nut at his head. Dad then lost his shit, and told Mum to go to her room and pray. I now remember why I moved out of home in the first place. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my stupid drunk dad was yelling for food and since my mum needed to finish her taxes before midnight, I told him to STFU and passed him prawn fried rice, which he told me to shove up my ass. I threw it in the bin, since he's the only meat eater in the family. When she'd finished, she yelled at me instead of him. FML
Today, my mother and I got into an argument, and she told me to go to my room. I refused, prompting her to slap the shit out of me. I'm 29, and she was visiting me at my own house. FML
Today, I visited my dad. He gave the, "You live under my roof, you follow my rules" lecture since I didn't do my "chores". I moved out 3 years ago. FML
Today, my dad and I got into an argument, and he ended up calling me a son of a bitch. My mom heard and started arguing with him over him calling her a bitch. Three hours later, I'm now staying at my gran's house with my mom and hoping her threats of a divorce weren't for real. FML
Today, my mum staggered home, piss drunk. When I tried to walk her to her room, she shoved me away and cursed at me for being a "goody two-shoes". She then slurred, "I fucked your mum", and informed me that my mum is a skank. That's good to know, mum. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend home to meet my parents. My dad was having a bad day and was rude from the outset, but things went to total hell when he started screaming that he'd "kill" our microwave if it didn't "shut the hell up". My girlfriend now thinks we're a family of abusive psychos. FML
Today, I had dinner with my family for the first time in a couple of days. My mum and dad spent the majority of the time arguing whether salt or pepper weighed more. This is why I'm not home often. FML
Today, I visited my Mum. She has invited me to visit her before, but kept cancelling whenever I tried to arrange an actual visit. I finally went over anyway, only to find her in a soiled nappy, room in ruins, with kidney failure-induced dementia. Sometimes they hide it well over the phone. FML
Today, I got into an argument with my dad in his hotel room. I lost my temper and stormed out onto the balcony for some fresh air, at which point he decided to lock the door behind me, trapping me there for half an hour while he watched TV. FML
Today, my mom and dad got into a fight, during which my dad said to my mom that her health conditions were of her own doing. Because of that, I got pissed and had a fight with my dad, taking my mom's side. Turns out, my mom took his side and ratted me out. FML
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Top comments
netbeui435 3
the holier than thou ones are the worst.
evangldbrg 0
My family was pretty much the same, but with my mom and dad roles switched with yours. FYL, and be lucky you're out of the house...unfortunately I'm not, but should only be a few months before I am
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Comments (112)
MadeOfAwesome 1
"Lost his shit"? God, you make it sound like your dad crapped himself.
judgeymcjudge 0
Have you seriously never heard that expression before, or are you just nitpicking?
SonOfAMitch 14
Don't say that #35, he might also think that OP's dad picks nits as well!
chellinha93 0
wowwwwww crazy family...
deegirl 0
So you're parents bicker, big deal. Your stupid.
Not_Yet_Rated 0
it's your not you're... your parents bicker is correct you are = you're Ex: you're a dip shit ^_^'
kawa_fml 0
no offense, someguy945, but the Brazil Nut thing was hilarious. OP, your mom is awesome. I bet she plays board games or some shit when she gets sent to her room. Stick it to the man!
someguy945 0
Oh wow I missed that. She threw a nut? That is unbelievable and totally off the wall. I take back everything I said. This is the best FML of all time.
maggiewalters 17
yeah that must have hurt. brazil nuts are kinda huge..!! and delicious!
Shmeagle 0
Was the nut okay?
waterynuggets 0
So your mom popped a nut on his head? My, how the tables have turned!
XRiseToFallAgain 0
*prepares machine gun for anti-christian comment* Let's go, betch
melifebeaverage 0
I'm atheist.
Intoxicunt 6
Because shooting people is a good Christian thing to do....
Intoxicunt 6
*Gets in tank* I'm in a tank, motherfuckers! :)
no0000ob 0
go suck sum cum u cant
Intoxicunt 6
That was an intelligent comment. Did you think it up all on your own?
SolarSchooner 2
Why does 'Suck sum cum' sound like a Thai dish?
Intoxicunt 6
Haha. You're right. That's one dish I'd like to avoid, though.
triplethreat13 0
I hate when things like that happen, like you want to try something that you don't do anymore (like visit parents) and you soon realize why you stopped doing it in the first place.
Playagamer24 0
No attack with a religious book?
dredd_fml 1
Am I the only one who mentally decided his mom was praying for a divorce attorney? :)
FerrariCake 2
Is your name George?