By Anonymous - 19/01/2014 22:59 - United States - Dallas
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Yes but it still wasn't meant in that way. He obviously doesn't see her as property, it's just something that has become a custom as respect to ask permission. After all he was asking him for his permission to ask her, not to just have her. She would still have a choice, it isn't like he's just handing her over for a cow as payment or anything
Maybe things are different here (UK), but it's really gone out of fashion here amongst people I know, because it has nothing to do with parents. If her dad thinks it's too reminiscent of property giving and sexist, your girlfriend likely does too, you'd surely know that if you knew her well enough to be marrying her.
100, you know it's funny because I thought my parents would be like that since they are traditional Hispanics. I'm not married yet but the same applies to when the guy wants to be your bf in my culture. Well at least for a lot of my friends, their boyfriends had to ask the dad for permission. Me on the other hand am far from being "traditional" and just told my parents, "I have bf and I like him a lot. So there..". . I guess if it was marriage though it WOULD be different. I don't know.
@207, you're misunderstanding. It isn't that he isn't going to ask his girlfriend if she wants to marry him. He would propose. He's just asking for permission, it's an old fashioned thing that most people are raised to feel obligated to do out of respect. It wasn't like he was asking her father to just give her to him and never ask her. He asked permission to ask her and to marry her. Like getting his blessing
If she truly loves you she shouldn't care what her parents think. As long as you are an honest nice guy.
That advice meshes pretty well with the dad's point, actually. The charade of asking her father's "permission" is just that: a charade, an irrelevant throwback to a time when women were property and marriage was a financial/political alliance. Asking the parents' feelings, asking for their blessing... these things can be charming and respectful. Asking for permission isn't respectful to the father (especially when you intend to go through with proposing either way), it's just disrespectful to the intended bride.
Actually 49, asking permission from the father usually (slightly) involves the mother as well. If the father gives permission then you are less likely to get the in-laws from hell scenario. My brother asked permission from his now wife's father and now both our families get along, since neither side sees it as a wrongful occasion.
Dad’s recommendation to grow up can be seen as an invitation to marry his daughter without his prior approval. OP should go ahead, grow up, propose to his girlfriend (if he didn’t already do that) and marry her. It would be a sad day if he gets discouraged by his future father in law.
See, you see your daughter as weak and in need of a man to protect her and watch over her. This isn't the 1950s. She will be a woman of her own will one day and she won't necessarily need a man in her life. And she can choose who she wants if that is what she wants - you have no bearing on that. She is not property, but a person.
No, I see a relationship as one person caring for another regardless of gender. Perhaps you don't understand this, which is unfortunate. If any man wants to see my daughter, he will ask for my blessing. Having the blessing of the father of the girl he claims to love SHOULD be important to him, if he really loves her.
I hope your daughter will grow up to be strong and independent and not need any hero or anyone to protect her but her own self. She might disagree with you on need your blessing to date a guy especially when shes 18+. I love my father to death, even more so since I dont really have my mom and he's still never had an opinion on who I could and couldn't date once i left the neest. He hassaid that he raised me to make good decisions so any guy I picked and loved was good enough for him (he gets along great with my s/o anyways)
just do it... #nike
To be honest, I never understood why people ask for permission to marry. But sucks for you that he told you that. Also means you can just ask her to marry you. Guess it's not that bad.
I think asking for permission is one of the most respectful gestures someone can make towards their boyfriend's/girlfriend's family. My boyfriend actually asked my father for permission to date me, and my dad still brings it up with a smile and an approving pat on the back.
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wow all these new age hippies on this app my God. #18 pull your head out of your ass. being polite and asking the parents permission is tradition. parents have protected her since she was a baby and it just gets passed on to the husband with marriage. if that still pisses all you whiny babies off may I suggest some tampons
You know what else has been "tradition"? Women not having the vote. I'm not saying what OP did was tantamount to denying women's suffrage, but "tradition" is not a reason in and of itself to keep a practice alive. Many terrible, unjust practices have been preserved much longer than they ought because of this weak, lazy reasoning.
119 - While I think asking for parents' blessing is fine, I hate your sexist logic. What the hell "he protected her since childhood, now her husband does"?! She's a fully grown woman. She can look after herself and doesn't need OP to be her bloody caretaker. It'll probably be the other way around.
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My dad would highly appreciate that. I can't see why her dad would be that way. It's a sweet gesture OP. If he doesn't like it then forget what he says and just marry her!
No, the dad is completely right (although I do think he way overreacted). Asking permission comes from the days when women WERE property, and it was the father's choice to say yes or no. I think it says a lot about our society that we still consider it normal and okay to ask a father's permission, even if it is only a formality. It shows that under the surface we still accept the idea of women not being real people and belonging to men, and that needs to change. It would be a lot more respectful to ask for BOTH parents' blessing than to ask the father's permission.
He's not buying her off off her father. People need to realize the word "permission" shouldn't be taken so literally. He most likely asked for his blessing and personally I think that's something that needs to happen when getting married, as a woman myself. Everybody thinks differently and people aren't going to agree on everything so I think we all just need to sit down