Money: Today, I paid $50 to go to a war museum. It was so boring that... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45

You deserved it 3

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 100

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 621

You deserved it 101

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 599

You deserved it 40

25/02/2016 07:39

Today, I paid $50 to go to a war museum. It was so boring that I fell asleep standing up, lost my balance and faceplanted the floor right in front of our tour guide. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 174

You deserved it 5 731

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

Smell test

Stewart Lee has let himself go

11/06/2009 17:51

Spicy

Today, I woke up from a dream about finding a vending machine that gave me free food. I kept eating, it was so satisfying words could not describe how great it felt. Then I realized my hands were in between my legs, I had been touching myself dreaming about free food from a vending machine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 803

You deserved it 16 155

25/09/2013 07:19

Today, I found out that the vacation my mom has been planning to "repair our relationship" was just an opportunity to change her Facebook profile picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 484

You deserved it 2 713

25/04/2011 18:38

Today, while driving on the highway, I got stuck in a traffic jam. Upon glancing over at the car in the next lane, I saw it was my ex as of a week ago. We sat in barely moving traffic right next to each other for half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 754

You deserved it 4 288

Call CPS!

By Daddo - 20/03/2018 14:00

Today, picking up my children from school, I overheard some kids saying what a rotten person their dad was, and how they hated him. It was my kids talking to their friends about me! Why? Because I didn't buy them a bag of jelly beans the day before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 136

You deserved it 405

02/11/2012 12:17

Today, my company had a Halloween party. I was so excited seeing as our company never does anything, so I pulled out all the stops with my costume. I was the only one who got dressed up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 119

You deserved it 3 733

Too much feeling!

By buckerooo - 03/12/2019 20:00

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting frisky when we decide to try the old 69. One thing leads to another when her clit ring went deep into my nose, and leaving me feeling like the wrong kind of bull. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 864

You deserved it 476

01/02/2012 16:11

Today, I was breaking into a house when three police cruisers pulled up. They ran my social, my license plates, and asked me twenty minutes worth of questions, before allowing me to go back to work. I work as a locksmith; the homeowner had lost their keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 338

You deserved it 3 765

16/12/2018 13:30

Today, I arrived to apply for my much-needed dream job. Without warning, just as the elevator opened, a complete stranger kicked me square in the nads. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 506

You deserved it 211

21/01/2009 06:59

Today, I get home and there's a package waiting for me. I ordered something online 2 weeks ago for a girl I like. She's not available anymore. No refunds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 561

You deserved it 5 824

03/01/2014 21:04

Today, I woke up to every window in my house packed with snow. It was so bad that I thought I'd been snowed-in, and I started freaking out. It took two hours and multiple phone calls before I found out that my neighbor had taken our prank war too seriously and staged the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 140

You deserved it 13 396

Stalker vibes

By nerdychick - 16/02/2011 01:34

Today, I printed out a picture of the popular girl in school as a sort of 'model' for how I wanted my hair cut. The hairdresser taped the picture to the mirror so he could see. Halfway through, my 'model' came in for an appointment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 980

You deserved it 22 235

28/09/2012 18:06

Spicy

Today, I unintentionally moaned during my prostate exam. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 524

You deserved it 7 497

All or nothing

By FLkiki - 24/07/2020 20:00

Spicy

Today, I found out I didn’t get a job because I'd flashed the owner whilst drunk. Guess my tits weren’t better than my resume. FML

I agree, your life sucks 543

You deserved it 1 932

My new friend

By Anonymous - 21/09/2020 13:58

Today, I realized at the train station that every day for a month, I've been waving to a cardboard cut-out of a person in the morning. I thought they were real. They're cardboard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 899

You deserved it 431

05/07/2009 23:20

Today, I had to be go to the ER after I fell on a rake. After having stiches put in, my Mom wanted me to go to the store with her. My friend saw me at the store and thought it would be funny to rip off the band aid because she thought I was hiding a zit. She ripped out my stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 517

You deserved it 3 019

09/03/2009 10:09

Spicy

Today, my mom decided to give me a solid reason for not having pre-marital sex. She told me that my future husband will want me to be tight for our first time. My mom and I were on a ski lift. The ride lasted 10 more uncomfortable minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81 002

You deserved it 5 190

18/01/2009 02:55

Today, I told the man I love to "go first" when we started talking at the same time. I wanted to confess my feelings, he wanted to tell me about his engagement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 127

You deserved it 2 482

21/01/2010 00:23

Today, while in the shower with my girlfriend she was going on and on about how she thinks she's fat when she's in perfect shape. With what she said still on my mind, I meant to say "honey, you're so beautiful", but accidentally said "honey, you're so fat". I'll be sleeping alone tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 478

You deserved it 34 802

30/05/2019 16:00

Today, my coworkers threw me a going away lunch, since I’m moving on to a better opportunity. Nothing reminds you why you’re leaving like being the last person to your own party, and picking over the minuscule amount of food scraps that are left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 603

You deserved it 273

19/05/2011 11:46

Today, my car ran out of gas. I was 20 feet away from the gas pump and the only person I could ask for help was the attendant, who'd asked me out a week ago. I'd said no, and so did he. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 787

You deserved it 15 930

03/09/2015 00:32

Today, my idiot kid brother set my shirt on fire with a magnifying glass while I was taking a nap outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 348

You deserved it 2 707

23/11/2009 18:29

Today, I woke up in a closet of a four star hotel, having spent the night drinking. I am a secondary school teacher and I have been visiting this place on a school trip. My flight left at 4am this morning and it's now 1pm in the afternoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 141

You deserved it 60 742

08/01/2019 12:00

Today, my date unexpectedly brought her friend to dinner with us. They seemed bored of me after ten minutes and left me out of their conversation for the rest of the night. Oh, and they made me pay for both of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 943

You deserved it 812

06/06/2009 12:41

Today, I called my friend in Australia to have a nice long chat, what I did not know was that my dad had removed my international calling plan, I talked to my friend for 5 hours, and ran up a huge phone bill, which I have to take out of the money I saved up to go see her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 062

You deserved it 8 312

01/11/2016 21:25

Today, I went to the ER to get my eye checked. Turns out I had a scratch in it. So, after sedation, I now need to wear an eyepatch. Too bad Halloween was yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 024

You deserved it 830

15/06/2010 16:58

Today, I got a bird as a pet. I thought it would be funny to put it on my head and take a picture. When the flash went off the bird flew off my head and pooped at the same time. You could see it in the picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 342

You deserved it 44 878

25/04/2016 23:05

Today, I'm a waitress. A customer came in and acted very kindly and even mentioned how I was such a help to her. She also mentioned leaving a nice tip. The tip? A fake $20. Thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 597

You deserved it 1 175

Falling Down

By Anonymous - 10/08/2020 02:12

Today, I woke up in hospital. Apparently, I fell down the stairs, broke 3 ribs, one toe, and hit my head so much that 12 stitches were needed. I also blacked out for an hour before my husband found me covered in blood. Recovery should take about a month and a half. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 787

You deserved it 122

19/09/2010 01:57

Today, after lunch with my frail, disabled, 87-year-old father, I reached into my purse for lipstick. I didn't recognize the cute cylinder I pulled out, but thinking it was a flashlight, I pressed the little button, spraying my dad and myself in the face with pepper spray. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 571

You deserved it 36 282

Cold-blooded old times

By Anonymous - 14/04/2020 02:00

Spicy

Today, going through my dead grandma's papers, we found old faded photos. I showed them to my mum, who screamed in shock. They were grandma and granddad's erotic photos from about seventy years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 732

You deserved it 344

01/04/2013 21:00

Spicy

Today, I brought a girl home from a bar. Things were getting hot and heavy when she asked if I had a condom. I opened my wallet to grab the one I keep in there, only to find the empty wrapper in its place; it was the only one I had. It seems drunk me is a bigger jerk than I thought. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 967

You deserved it 45 405

07/04/2017 18:51

Today, I found out our eight-year-old son lied about his former babysitter beating him. The babysitter's already thrashed us on social media for believing our son, and now no one in town is willing to babysit for us. Looks like date night is cancelled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 800

You deserved it 6 944

07/08/2014 08:23

Today, I managed to get a €5 note tangled in the zip on my purse. I couldn't open it without ripping it to shreds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 414

You deserved it 5 227

28/04/2011 23:13

Today, a little girl wandered into the glass-cleaning area of the pub I work at. It's a dangerous place for a little kid, so I took her hand and asked where her mum was. The kid starts screaming and the mother appears in the doorway shouting "GET AWAY FROM MY BABY!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 533

You deserved it 3 497

21/08/2009 05:18

Today, I went out to eat dinner with my family to celebrate my 18th birthday. I playfully put 3 straws between my knuckles to make myself look like Wolverine. I turned to my 6 year old nephew and ask, "Who am I?" He then replied with, "An idiot." FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 454

You deserved it 51 082

21/07/2009 19:45

Spicy

Today, I was taking a shower when my boyfriend suddenly hopped in with me. We were getting a little frisky when my mom's hand unexpectedly came through the curtain, and dropped a condom in the bottom of the shower, all the while saying, "Keep it safe kids!". FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 767

You deserved it 30 618

20/10/2012 07:16

Today, while driving with my puppy in the passenger seat, he jumped out of the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 750

You deserved it 28 795

13/01/2011 23:00

Today, while working at a dollar store, I was clobbered by a woman because apparently, I was ripping her off by charging two dollars for two doughnuts. She didn't understand that she couldn't buy multiple items at once for one dollar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 434

You deserved it 2 668

Night terrors

By Anonymous - 25/09/2015 20:14

Today, I brutally stabbed a guy to death for smiling at me, then puked and fainted. Then I woke up in bed, panicking, sweating like a pig and crying because I thought my dream was real and I was going to go to prison. I'm never taking sleeping medication again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 485

You deserved it 2 489

14/09/2011 08:34

Spicy

Today, I was jogging in the neighborhood. My new neighbor who lives three houses down clotheslines me and shouts, "You're the reason my wife won't have sex with me!" He then kicked me in the stomach and walked inside. Now I'm scared to leave my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 172

You deserved it 3 709

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Top comments

MarkTheMintMan 21

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Thursday 25 February 2016 17:55

It could've been worse, you could've been in the bayonet section!

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Thursday 25 February 2016 18:03

Dress up like the time period and nap in the battle display, no one would even notice!

Comments

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Thursday 25 February 2016 17:55

Plant your face in a soldier's shoes.

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Thursday 25 February 2016 18:11

That's entering a whole new realm of kinky.

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Thursday 25 February 2016 20:54

:)

MarkTheMintMan 21

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Thursday 25 February 2016 17:55

It could've been worse, you could've been in the bayonet section!

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Thursday 25 February 2016 17:56

I would give $100 for that good nap..

BlackHawkSavior 28

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Thursday 25 February 2016 17:59

Go to sleep earlier? Drink coffee?

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Thursday 25 February 2016 19:45

@4: They said they were bored, not tired. I don't think going to sleep earlier would have helped any.

Snaxia 12

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Thursday 25 February 2016 20:23

Yea but boredom doesn't put you to sleep unless you're incredibly tired.

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Friday 26 February 2016 0:55

You have never been incredibility bored before...

Badluckolsen 10

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Thursday 25 February 2016 18:01

If its boring why did you want to go in the first place

HappyItalian 38

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Thursday 25 February 2016 18:06

Maybe it was just the way the tour guide was presenting. I adore history but if someone were to explain it to me in a really monotone and boring way, I'd fall asleep too.

xChaos 29

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Thursday 25 February 2016 18:07

Maybe op wasn't aware that the museum would be boring.

Feklfekl2222 32

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Thursday 25 February 2016 18:50

Going somewhere slightly boring fair enough, paying $50 is the real mistake

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Thursday 25 February 2016 18:03

Dress up like the time period and nap in the battle display, no one would even notice!

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Friday 26 February 2016 15:43

Clever, clever creature

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Thursday 25 February 2016 18:06

You should've said that you were paying tribute to the soldiers who fought the war :D

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Thursday 25 February 2016 18:08

Thanks for the visual lmao, in all seriousness though I hope you didn't get hurt too badly.

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Thursday 25 February 2016 18:10

If you were embarrassed about falling asleep, you should've told them you fainted.

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Thursday 25 February 2016 18:13

I love history!!!! Since OP is from Vietnam, I'll assume it's about the Vietnam war, which is one of the most interesting and devastating part of history. I would love to visit that museum

bbfyso 10

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Thursday 25 February 2016 19:05

I know exactly what museum you are talking about it. Honestly I loved it.

Ray_of_midnight 22

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Saturday 27 February 2016 3:29

OP is posting from Ha Noi, which suggests that they're touring the infamous Hoa Lo Prison, known to US troops as the "Hanoi Hilton".