By Anonymous - 07/10/2011 09:07 - Australia
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Omg this is so stupid. Your boyfriend should man up!! And your fathers a selfish piece of crap!
Or just move in with your boyfriend so he has no one to pay his bills, then he won't have that excuse anymore. He doesn't need to ask your father's permission for you to move in. (and since you guys were going to get married, and move in together anyway, it's just putting things a little backwards) Good Luck OP, and Congrats!!!
I disagree, 182. I'll just give my two cents. Speaking with the father or mother or both is just a tradition. It's a way of letting them know of your intention. You don't have to do it, but I think it's kind of a respect thing. Seeing as most people getting married are adults, they are at legal liberty to make their own decisions so the dad usually gives approval, even if he doesn't like the guy a whole lot. Most people are going to marry anyway. I only heard of one case where a dad said no. He just advised the guy to wait bc they'd only been dating two months. So they waited and married eventually.
Her father is beyond selfish; he's a user, and he's financially abusing his daughter. Where is the mom? Exactly how many people are sponging off this one woman? You always hear about the young people who had to move back in with dear old mom & dad due to the bad economy. This post makes me wonder how many dear old moms & dads don't want them to leave!
You can't know that's she is still living with her dad. The tradition of asking the father's permission for the daughter's hand in marriage has nothing to do with where she lives. However, it's an old, demeaning tradition that's not necessary anymore and the boyfriend shouldn't have bothered in the first place.
Did you read the FML? Of course she lives with the father! Why else would he call her the only moneymaker of the house? If she didn't live with her family, why would he care about how much money she makes? Are you high or were you just trying to find any place to espouse your women's rights crap?
Exactly! It's really not "asking permission". Two adults are free to do whatever they want. Maybe it is different where OP is from, but around here, it's a way for the guy to let the parents know of his intentions and I think it's just a way to show your respect and appreciation to the parents. Fathers rarely say no unless they have their kids on a leash like OP is (I'm assuming she's paying rent for this deadbeat) sometimes they may offer advice, like telling you to wait a bit longer. These feminist extremists need to get a grip. It is not demeaning, chill out.
It's interesting that to move out is the one most prevalent answer. I know that the dad is being uncommonly selfish, but if this happened to me and I tried to move out, my dad would guilt trip me about how he supported me throughout my life etc and that I'm ungrateful. Especially being Chinese, where there is a huge emphasis on filial obedience...I don't know what I could do to extricate myself from this situation. I hope the OP will pull through though!
Just leave home and tell ur lazy dad to f- a tree, u r old enough to move out
I admire guys who ask for the fathers blessing out if respect, but not permission. I want my son to grow up and be respectful enough to do that, but still be a man and put his girlfriend first. And I want my daughter to find a guy who respects us enough to ask for our blessing - which I will give happily if he is man enough to do, but I know it's up to my daughter not us, and ad long as she's happy I am too
Tell your boyfriend that you are not a piece of property and that if he wants to marry you than you are the only person whose opinion matters.
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Not entirely true. I mean yes, the only people who HAVE to agree with the marriage are the boyfriend/girlfriend, but the opinions of family members are very important. Parents could dislike their potential son/daughter-in-law for many reasons, including ones that could be changed. They might not want their child to be married to a certain person because they don't have a job, or a place to live. Maybe they abuse drugs or alcohol. If it was for one of these reasons, circumstances could easily be changed to please the parents. If a man asks his girlfriend's father for permission, and the father withholds it because the man is an alcoholic, the man has two options. The first would be to clean up his life and drop alcohol, pleasing the father, and the marrying the daughter. The second would be to ignore the father's wishes and marry the daughter anyways. This could create bad blood between the man and the woman's family. Uncomfortableness at every family dinner, wedding, funeral, birthday party, baby shower, regular visits...you get the point. It's not about "property". It's about human relationships. Of course, all of this goes out the window when dealing with crazies like the OP's family.
You are the only one in the house with a job, meaning you can feed at least two people(you and your father). Why the hell aren't you moving out? You are more than capable of sustaining yourself. Also, people should stop bashing her boyfriend. He is just being considerate of her [stupid] family's wishes. He is taking it to far, but it's still not his fault.