Wanker and Intimacy: Play it cool - FML

Play it cool

By Fraser - 08/03/2012 19:03 - Canada

Spicy

Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 200

You deserved it 56 602

May Day: Lily of the Valley and Misunderstandings
When lilies of the valley bring good luck... or not! Discover the stories behind every little bell! More…

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Same thing different taste

Great chat!

By eric - 16/03/2011 07:31 - United States

Spicy

Today, my mom caught me talking to my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 229

You deserved it 96 427

Late reaction

By fuck - 22/01/2020 14:00 - Canada - Airdrie

Today, I was masturbating in my bedroom, when suddenly, my mom opened the door and walked in with guests. I didn't react quick enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 330

You deserved it 660

Caught red-handed

By caught - 09/01/2012 00:43 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was bored and started touching myself watching TV. My mother walked into my bedroom with a phone in her hand and yelled, "Stop jacking off and talk to your grandmother." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 324

You deserved it 36 275

By Isabell - 06/02/2010 05:31 - Australia

Spicy

Today, my soon-to-be mother-in-law walked in on me masturbating, in my own house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 744

You deserved it 5 862

Redhanded

By Anonymous - 23/11/2021 06:00 - Philippines - Roxas

Spicy

Today, my mom came in my bedroom without knocking, even though I'd told her to, and caught me masturbating. She stood there in awkward silence before saying, "…Dinner's ready at 6." and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 362

You deserved it 451

By Anonymous user - 09/08/2018 06:00

Spicy

Today, my mom laughed about hearing me singing in the shower and told our whole family. I wasn't singing, though. I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 040

You deserved it 2 945

Lock your doors

By Anonymous - 27/05/2019 00:14

Spicy

Today, I was touching myself in my room. Just as I hit the climax, my mom walked in because she heard me making noises and thought I was having a nightmare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 422

You deserved it 739

By Cynical - 30/03/2009 03:49 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was in my room with the door locked and my mom knocked on the door. I said "don't come in, i'm naked!" She said "That's okay!" so she unlocked the door and walked in. I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95 166

You deserved it 37 092

Quick thinking

By me. - 29/10/2011 04:43 - United States

Spicy

Today, my dad walked in on me masturbating. All I could say was, "Uh, I had an itch…" FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 041

You deserved it 35 381

By ShadowJack - 29/04/2012 15:10 - United States

Spicy

Today, my mom walked in on me masturbating. She didnt look away and we stared at each other for a while; then she asked me what I wanted from McDonalds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 451

You deserved it 9 763

Next

Top comments

Wheredidgrungego 12

Thursday 8 March 2012 22:50

Oh I've seen this movie!! ....Pornhub right?

StormGirl142 24

Thursday 8 March 2012 22:52

I think you accidentally a few words.

Comments

Coffeebang 17

Friday 9 March 2012 0:51

Oh my god... LOL

Eternal94 10

Friday 9 March 2012 0:52

What happens to door lock these day? -shake head and sigh-

Petunia888 13

Friday 9 March 2012 0:55

"Oh wow, fancy meeting you here! What's that? Oh, this? It's nothing. *stuffs penis back in pants (or throws a blanket over it)* Yeah, that's not strange at all.

sincere14 9

Friday 9 March 2012 1:01

now you KNOW your mom thinks your a creep

76transam 0

Friday 9 March 2012 1:11

How did she take it?

perdix 29

Friday 9 March 2012 3:53

Like a champ ;)

HeartsCry 0

Friday 9 March 2012 1:18

Rookie...keep going be comfortable then deny

GothicAngel95 16

Friday 9 March 2012 1:26

Um lock the door the next time?

maosquare 18

Friday 9 March 2012 1:31

Please say your last name is Freud.

buffalogurlxo 0

Friday 9 March 2012 1:40

That's awkward.

blinksmilewink 23

Friday 9 March 2012 2:01

That is ****** up!

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Keywords

Video games Annoying Gamers Cute Kids Money Birthday Awkward Weird Love Health Relatable Abuse Scams Social Media School Education Parents Teenagers Anger issues Family Relationship advice Capitalism Miscellaneous Public freakouts Mental health Grieving Music Geek Poopoo peepee

The Top

Today, I was driving to visit my parents for the first time in two years. After spending about $4000 to make sure my car wouldn't break down on the journey, around the halfway point, the front tire popped and the engine blew out. I'm about 5 states away from both my parents and my home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 732

You deserved it 489

Today, I set aside a weekend to spend time with a friend. I learned that someone else is staying there: a fat, unemployed man-child who talks shit about us on Facebook, while his manipulative wife pays his bills. He got evicted from his last home when he pretended to be a ninja and cut up his neighbor's garden. FML

I agree, your life sucks 337

You deserved it 71

The Top

Today, I came home from a three day vacation to find my psycho ex-girlfriend in my house. Even though I broke up with her six months ago, she hasn't broken up with me. It's alright though, she says she's going to forgive me and she already moved her stuff in when I was out of town. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 765

You deserved it 2 464

Today, I was eating lunch, and accidentally got ketchup on the sofa, so I hastily doused it with stain remover. The ketchup is now no longer there; however there is a larger stain in its place. I stained the sofa with stain remover. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 287

You deserved it 4 741

Today, my fiancé and I had a fight over household expenses. He's never had a job in his life, but this didn't stop him demanding that I get another full-time job to pay for video games and beer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 691

You deserved it 56 715

Today, I took a well-aimed TV remote to the testicles. My wife’s pregnancy cravings are really bad and I forgot to restock the cupboard with apricot jam and packets of sage and onion stuffing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 474

You deserved it 763

Today, I went to change my socks after I stepped in a puddle of water. As I walked out of my bedroom with a fresh pair of socks, I stepped in the puddle again. Three times. That's four pairs of socks ruined. God, I'm such a dumbass sometimes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 198

You deserved it 1 118

Today, I began training my replacement at work. She's a senior citizen. She got excited when I taught her how to highlight text on the screen and double-click the mouse because she "never knew how to do those fancy tricks." The job is entirely computer-based. I have to train her for 6 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 703

You deserved it 2 742