Wanker and Intimacy: Play it cool - FML

Play it cool

By Fraser - 08/03/2012 19:03 - Canada

Spicy

Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 200

You deserved it 56 602

May Day: Lily of the Valley and Misunderstandings
When lilies of the valley bring good luck... or not! Discover the stories behind every little bell! More…

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Same thing different taste

Great chat!

By eric - 16/03/2011 07:31 - United States

Spicy

Today, my mom caught me talking to my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 229

You deserved it 96 427

Late reaction

By fuck - 22/01/2020 14:00 - Canada - Airdrie

Today, I was masturbating in my bedroom, when suddenly, my mom opened the door and walked in with guests. I didn't react quick enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 330

You deserved it 660

Caught red-handed

By caught - 09/01/2012 00:43 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was bored and started touching myself watching TV. My mother walked into my bedroom with a phone in her hand and yelled, "Stop jacking off and talk to your grandmother." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 324

You deserved it 36 275

By Isabell - 06/02/2010 05:31 - Australia

Spicy

Today, my soon-to-be mother-in-law walked in on me masturbating, in my own house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 744

You deserved it 5 862

Redhanded

By Anonymous - 23/11/2021 06:00 - Philippines - Roxas

Spicy

Today, my mom came in my bedroom without knocking, even though I'd told her to, and caught me masturbating. She stood there in awkward silence before saying, "…Dinner's ready at 6." and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 362

You deserved it 451

By Anonymous user - 09/08/2018 06:00

Spicy

Today, my mom laughed about hearing me singing in the shower and told our whole family. I wasn't singing, though. I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 040

You deserved it 2 945

Lock your doors

By Anonymous - 27/05/2019 00:14

Spicy

Today, I was touching myself in my room. Just as I hit the climax, my mom walked in because she heard me making noises and thought I was having a nightmare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 422

You deserved it 739

By Cynical - 30/03/2009 03:49 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was in my room with the door locked and my mom knocked on the door. I said "don't come in, i'm naked!" She said "That's okay!" so she unlocked the door and walked in. I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95 166

You deserved it 37 092

Quick thinking

By me. - 29/10/2011 04:43 - United States

Spicy

Today, my dad walked in on me masturbating. All I could say was, "Uh, I had an itch…" FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 041

You deserved it 35 381

By ShadowJack - 29/04/2012 15:10 - United States

Spicy

Today, my mom walked in on me masturbating. She didnt look away and we stared at each other for a while; then she asked me what I wanted from McDonalds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 451

You deserved it 9 763

Next

Top comments

Wheredidgrungego 12

Thursday 8 March 2012 22:50

Oh I've seen this movie!! ....Pornhub right?

StormGirl142 24

Thursday 8 March 2012 22:52

I think you accidentally a few words.

Comments

j_cat187 19

Friday 9 March 2012 0:15

You fail so hard. The most awkward thing you could possibly do!

omgo_fml 0

Friday 9 March 2012 0:16

Lmfao

thebombdotcom44 6

Friday 9 March 2012 0:24

You're an idiot...

ADuckOnQuack_fml 0

Friday 9 March 2012 0:24

That's *******... Awgh... Jesus dude you have problems

sean5 0

Friday 9 March 2012 0:30

Sooooo...... Did u get to finish?

zach8771 3

Friday 9 March 2012 0:30

Eeeeeewww

gracehi 31

Friday 9 March 2012 0:35

Did you unwittingly kill your own father too? Sounds like it's time to gouge your eyes out, Oedipus.

angryyute 4

Friday 9 March 2012 0:36

F*cking idiot

GoW_Chick 14

Friday 9 March 2012 0:45

these are the things you'll remember for years to come, poor mom is probably wondering where she went wrong. Next time make sure no one is home and you do your self lovin' behind locked doors.

emstar828 4

Friday 9 March 2012 0:48

Does no one see how detrimental that could have been to his mom? I bet she left the room to go puke. Sorry bro, fml.

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Keywords

Love Dreams Jealousy Video games Gamers Geek AITA Family Parents Kids Relatable Gun control Animals Amazon Money Annoying Cute Birthday Health Weird Awkward Abuse Scams Social Media Mysterious Friends Miscellaneous Education School Teenagers

The Top

Today, I lost it on my co-workers about how hard I've been working, picking up everyone's slack with no appreciation, and it was clear that I needed to find a job that actually rewarded hard work. As I went to grab my jacket to leave, I saw a cake and gift card for a cruise on the table, from the staff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 136

You deserved it 72 917

Today, I put on some skimpy shorts and bent down to get something on the bottom shelf of the fridge to get my boyfriend's attention. On my way up, I slammed my head on the edge of the fridge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 945

You deserved it 46 026

The Top

Today, I berated my five-year-old nephew for peeing on the floor. His mom bitched me out for expecting "a little boy to have perfect aim." That's funny, it looked pretty good when he dropped his pants, looked me in the eyes, and started to piss on my rug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 449

You deserved it 3 551

Today, we were fooling around and I was just about to orgasm when she looked at my clock and said, "I have to go, 'Lost' is on in 20 minutes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 050

You deserved it 8 959

Today, at work, I was told I was a failure. Feeling like crap, I went to my best friend to see if he could make me laugh. He told me that he felt obligated to hang out with me, so he thought that we shouldn't anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 677

You deserved it 3 372

Today, I had numerous calls from people saying they need a baby sitter, because "they know I wasn't invited anywhere". FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 311

You deserved it 2 673

Today, I hate this time of year, not only because everything is pumpkin spice, but because of Bath and Body work sales. I work in an office full of women, and when Bath and Body has a sale, it's Game Of Smell Thrones in the office. My allergies then act up, and I handle the office phones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 566

You deserved it 267

Today, I'm horny as hell, but I'm such a germaphobe that I don't want to be touched by anyone else, and now, after looking in the mirror and seeing how disgusting I look, I can't even touch myself, not with a vibrator, my hand or a 10-foot pole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 753

You deserved it 1 105