Work: Today, I had to go to a boring, never-ending "sensitivity training"... - FML

By tumblrinas_at_work - United States - Woodland Hills

Today, I had to go to a boring, never-ending "sensitivity training" session, all because my douchebag coworker filed a complaint against me last week after I apologized for being tardy. Apparently I was insulting people with mental disorders. Or as she put it, "differently-abled" people. FML

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Messed up

Vulture

Deadly cocktail

By Disturbed - United States

Today, I just found out that my brother in law and his wife frequent a swingers establishment that me and the wife have visited. Which is OK I suppose (providing we never see each other there) but he told me his parents go there too. FML

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By kitkat1603 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend thought he gave me unimaginable pleasure. I didn't have the heart to tell him I had cramp in both my legs at the same time. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I discovered that my new landlords must meet and approve guests of mine before they come over, and guests are not allowed when they aren't home or past 11pm. I'm 25 years old and just moved out of my parents' home to get away from my controlling mother. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to help my dad remove a splinter. From his butt. FML

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By dollfacee - United States

Today, my boyfriend admitted that he thinks I'm cheating on him, with my brother. FML

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By johnnyfuckfacer - Canada - Concord

Today, I walked into work, after having given my boss a weather prediction last week, so he could decide on which day to open a new company division. I was immediately taken aside and written up for "providing false information, adversley impacting morale". FML

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By Rizzle - New Zealand

Today, I made a tuna sandwich. It was really nice , so I looked at the label to see what brand it was. Turns out it wasn't tuna. It was fancy cat food. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my parents were awake while I was still in bed on my iPod touch. I decided to play The Smurfs Village. One of its minigames involves shaking the iPod, so I was breathing heavily. Later, my parents sat me down for a little "talk". FML

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By "schober60" - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I frantically finished a paper that I needed to complete before midnight about the competencies of my pharmacy school. When it came time to submit, I accidentally selected the file below my paper, which was my personal log of beer reviews and personal favorites. FML

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By bureaucratic assfuckery - United States - Baltimore

Today, I learned that my doctor lost all of my immunization records. I can't start law school without them. FML

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By dogproblems - United States - Charlotte

Today, I shaved my beard in preparation for an important work conference. Now my dog won't stop growling and barking at me. FML

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By gassy

Blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-alcohol...

Today, I have to deliver a wedding speech. I also have a cold. That would be bad enough, but ever since I was a kid, if I cough or sneeze, I also fart. FML

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By Lovemynewhaircut - United States - Brentwood

Today, I got a new haircut. I was feeling pretty confident, until coworkers and family members kept making comments like, "I think you gained a little weight", "You look older" and "Do you still like guys?" Apparently, my new haircut changed my waist size and my sexual orientation. FML

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By GeeThanksMom

Today, I’m having knee surgery. I can’t drive for the next week because of the heavy duty pain killers, so my mom told me I'll have to walk to and from school. It’s only a couple of miles. FML

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By jon - Canada - Toronto

Consent

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. I thought I'd be spontanous and spice things up, and gave her a spank across the butt. She started crying. FML

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By secretdoll - United States

Today, I was eating at a Mexican restaurant with my sister. I was happily biting into a burrito, when I saw a man in his car in the restaurant parking lot, staring at us and jacking off. FML

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By Kristache - Canada

Today, at the restaurant I work at, I gave a man back his change and told him to enjoy the sunny day. He replied by dramatically saying that the sun was his mortal enemy. Thinking he was joking, I asked him if he was a vampire. Turns out he has skin cancer. FML

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By - United States - Zephyrhills

Today, my mom wanted me to pick up my cousin from work immediately. I'm in my shirt and underwear with no other clothes and I'm also too young to drive. She said "He won't mind, and just take my drivers license, they'll never know!" FML

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By Anon - Canada

Selfish

Today, my mom yelled at me because I refused to lend her money. The reason I won't lend her money? The last time I did, she and my dad went out and bought a Macbook and a new car instead of paying bills. Apparently, I'm being 'selfish' by keeping my own money and putting it towards university. FML

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By go fish

Today, my boyfriend gently pointed out that when we hug, it's our stomachs that touch first. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Mississauga

Today, the office I work at put up a "No Masturbating at Desks" sign. I'm disappointed by this, not because I usually whack off at my desk, but because enough people do that there needs to be a sign against it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got fired because I abruptly hung up on my boss while being pulled over for talking in a hands free zone. I also got a $300 fine. FML

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By Trollface - Canada

Today, while cuddling in bed, I tried to tell my girlfriend she was cute. It came out, "I wish you were cuter." FML

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By Imaginary girlfriend - France

Today, I found out that my whole family thinks my girlfriend is imaginary. I sent her a text in front of them telling her that. She never responded. FML

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By notsexy - United States

Today, I tried for the first time putting a condom on my boyfriend using my mouth. I freaked out, swallowed, and started choking on the condom. FML

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By BookBabe - United States - Panorama City

Today, I wore my new Brazilian thong bikini to the pool for the first time. I was lying face down feeling so sexy, until flies started buzzing my butt. FML

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By Anon - United Kingdom

Today, I arranged the food on my plate in a smiley face to try and make myself feel better. I'm a 38 year old man. It worked. FML

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By Grosssss - United States - Harrisonburg

Today, I found out that whenever my roommate's friend-with-benefits comes over, he uses my bikini trimmer to shave his pubic hair. I've been using that trimmer for months. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I ordered a pizza over the phone from Pizza Hut. I turned at the store and waited for over 25 minutes. When they saw me sitting there for such a long time, they eventually asked what i was waiting for. I'd called the wrong Pizza Hut. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Fayetteville

Today, I saw some servicemen sitting outside a café, and I went over to thank them for their service. They waited till after I was done shaking their hands before they told me they were just actors on their lunch break. FML

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By raerae - Germany

Today, I received my camera in the mail that my mom sent from home since I forgot it when I moved to Italy. It was wrapped in 4 layers of bubble wrap and packed in foam peanuts to keep it from getting broken. As I was removing the last layer of bubble wrap I dropped it, breaking the screen. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - College Station

Today, I have such severe ADD that I can't focus without my medication. When I take the medication, I can only focus on one thing, but not necessarily the thing I need to be focusing on. I have a chem test soon, and I've been vacuuming my room for the past 4 hours. FML

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By helloimkylieee - United States - Tracy

Today, I had to convince my parents to shut the door when they have sex. They have done this on multiple occasions. FML

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By Jennie - 16/6/2020 08:08

Scribble your name across my heart…

Today, I sent a guy in my English class a rose. He's kind of an outcast, so I though it would be a nice gesture. I asked him later how his day was going and he said, "Good. I got a rose this morning, but I could tell it was from a guy. The handwriting was awful." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Long Beach

Today, my boyfriend and I were watching a TV show about wildlife. The moment the narrator said the word "peacock", my boyfriend broke down into hysterical laughter. He laughed to the point of tears, and had to excuse himself. I'm dating a man-child. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I returned home from a month long trip overseas to find that my bird sitter has trained my parrot to whisper, "You're going to die" in a sinister voice. FML

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By crabmunch15 - United States - Victorville

Today, I snuck out to go see my girlfriend. When I got to her house, I left my bike out front and we went on a nice walk around the block. We passed a homeless-looking woman going the opposite way. About ten minutes later, the same woman passed us, on my bike. FML

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By Anonymous - Latvia - Riga

Today, my boss asked me if I could work this weekend, doing the work of 2 people, for almost no extra pay. I had a weekend out with my kids planned, so I said I couldn't. My boss called it a shitty excuse, yet gave a free pass to a guy who claimed he had a "phobia of working on weekends". FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - London

Today, my coworker called me a liar when I said I've been to New York. This is the same psycho who honestly expects me to believe that she and Brad Pitt have a "thing" and that he secretly communicates with her through interviews on TV. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/5/2020 17:00

Tonight, on Asshole Bosses…

Today, my boss gave me attitude for not going to back to work this Friday. I'm a massage therapist and where I live, it's currently illegal to practice during the pandemic. FML

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Top comments

By Nathan23xx | 18

#6279911 - Saturday 2 May 2015 23:51

That's retarded that she did that.

By Exaspera | 54

#6279935 - Saturday 2 May 2015 23:58

Your co-worker needs a remedial English class.

COMMENTS

By Nathan23xx | 18

#6279911 - Saturday 2 May 2015 23:51

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Reply

wchil | 14

#6280053 - Sunday 3 May 2015 1:59

I find your comment offensive to "differently-able" people

Reply

greekk | 21

#6280069 - Sunday 3 May 2015 2:33

so you had to go to Special education?

Reply

expertsmilee | 26

#6280331 - Sunday 3 May 2015 10:19

No fucking idea what the slew of downvotes is for, this is funny shit.

By Ice_Cold_Llama | 17

#6279912 - Saturday 2 May 2015 23:51

You should be more mindful of what you say and do

Reply

jackroarrr | 25

#6279926 - Saturday 2 May 2015 23:55

Tardy isn't offensive.
Lol.

Reply

Xamry14 | 10

#6279941 - Sunday 3 May 2015 0:00

What are you talking about? OP said they were tardy. That means late.

Reply

Vestin | 18

#6279951 - Sunday 3 May 2015 0:06

#2: The fact that this comment has been downvoted to hell pleases me greatly. I guess the SJW brigade doesn't quite have an iron grip on this community yet.

Reply

dcam13 | 19

#6279967 - Sunday 3 May 2015 0:14

#2 = troll. ugh

By jackroarrr | 25

#6279913 - Saturday 2 May 2015 23:51

She sounds like a gem.
I would hate to work with her.

By Stillo | 25

#6279927 - Saturday 2 May 2015 23:55

Your coworker must be fun at parties.

Reply

cari_cat | 19

#6279964 - Sunday 3 May 2015 0:13

She doesn't go to parties, but she sure does have a lot of followers on tumblr!

By bryce0110 | 23

#6279933 - Saturday 2 May 2015 23:58

"douchebag" more like dumb ass to think tardy is making fun of retarded people.

By NakuEh | 27

#6279934 - Saturday 2 May 2015 23:58

It sounds like your coworker needs to go to a session on desensitizing.

Reply

clemsi | 20

#6280008 - Sunday 3 May 2015 0:49

I'd also include OPs supervisor/boss and the HR department. It's amazing how all the people involved in the complaint didn't have enough common sense between them to see it clearly was not an insult.

Reply

khaoticpanda | 28

#6280138 - Sunday 3 May 2015 5:16

The boss/HR probably sees it, but it isnt worth the effort required to fight people with stupidity AND determination.

By Exaspera | 54

#6279935 - Saturday 2 May 2015 23:58

Your co-worker needs a remedial English class.

By MELKOZAR | 27

#6279936 - Saturday 2 May 2015 23:58

She's "Differently-able" alright!

By mishwarner | 14

#6279937 - Saturday 2 May 2015 23:58

Should have printed out the dictionary definition for her & while you're at it print out an article about people that create problems in the workplace braise they just love to be offended

By heirofhope | 38

#6279940 - Saturday 2 May 2015 23:59

Is she able to understand the English language, or at the very least, the difference between, 'tardy' and 'retarded'? Fuck HER life, she's the one losing out due to her lack of intelligence, just keep your chin up OP.

Reply

quesok | 22

#6279942 - Sunday 3 May 2015 0:00

I couldn't even see what the problem was until I read your comment