Today, I had to go to a boring, never-ending "sensitivity training"... - FML

By tumblrinas_at_work - United States - Woodland Hills

Today, I had to go to a boring, never-ending "sensitivity training" session, all because my douchebag coworker filed a complaint against me last week after I apologized for being tardy. Apparently I was insulting people with mental disorders. Or as she put it, "differently-abled" people. FML

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And today, on Dr Phil…

Sick burn

Assumptions

By Sam - Belgium

Today, on the way to an exam I saw a car accident happen. I stopped, helped the woman who was injured and waited for the paramedics. I was too late at school, the teacher didn't buy my excuse and I failed the exam. It was an examination of my first aid skills. FML

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By thanks Toby dumbfuck - 13/7/2020 14:02

Good job

Today, my roommate read an article about unplugging appliances to save on electricity. Too bad the fucking moron also unplugged the fridge. We came home to a corpse-like stench and a fridge full of moldy food. We were gone for two weeks while the sludge marinated in the California heat. FML

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By Username

Today, I lost my virginity, I think. Does it still count if she left halfway through, laughing? FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Kill Devil Hills

Today, my wife came back from her camping trip with her friends. I decided to help her out by unpacking her stuff while she used the bathroom. It's funny; I never knew that a dildo, a ball gag and an open pack of condoms were considered camping gear. FML

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By idkmybffjill? - United States

Today, I was pestering a co-worker, so she jokingly stated "I'll bury you!" and I replied "I'll bury your mom!". Her moms funeral was last week. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Sunnyvale

Today, I came home from work to my 4-year old daughter cussing left and right. I asked her about it; she said that her brother had taught her some words. When I confronted him about the situation, he kicked my shin and screamed, "Stop treating me like a fucking child!" He's 5. FML

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By someone - United States - San Diego

Today, I was lying naked on my boyfriend's bed for the first time ever. He glanced at me, then started playing with a Rubik's cube. FML

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By Smeagogole - France - Villeurbanne

Today, I found a friend's gold ring in some grass after a intense 10-minute search in the dark. As well as thanks, I've now got a new nickname. You can now call me Gollum. FML

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By anonymous

Today, I went to the airport to start the amazing 3 week vacation in Costa Rica that I've been saving for and planning for more than a year. They wouldn't let me on the plane because my passport expires in less than 6 months. FML

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By kumcat - United States - Aurora

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me by canceling our relationship status on Facebook. I commented in disbelief, only for my dad to reply "#rekt", then "But seriously, about time. She's gonna give your balls back, right?" Thanks for the support. FML

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By Joe Lizen - United States - New Lenox

Today, my mom called me screaming and cussing because she found pot in my room. I come home and my dad says, "I hid some pot in your room and I'm not letting you go to that concert if you rat me out." My dad is apparently a blackmailing 52-year-old stoner. FML

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By cazorp - United States

Today, my mom told me she's a drug addict, sold my bed to buy meth, and then lectured me about how I should be okay with it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found thousands of ants in a secret nest in an unused corner of my apartment. They were feeding on the baking mix I forgot in a box from moving two months ago, and the queen has been laying her eggs on my wireless router. FML

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By FailedTraveller

Today, I took a long distance train across country. Early on I had an urgent need to use the bathroom. As I went to flush away the nasty, the preflush water violently projected my diarrhoea onto my pants before clearing the rest down the gurgler. I have 8 hours left on the train. FML

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By ObviousBooty - United States - Kankakee

Today, me and my dad were in a sort of prank war. I decided to get him back for one last time tonight, so I hid in his office to scare him. This would have been okay had I not caught him watching porn. I had to hide for an hour. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my insanely religious 60-year-old neighbor screamed at me when I left my home to go to work. I was wearing jeans and that’s apparently improper for a female adult. FML

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By Why Me? - United States - Scranton

Today, I found out that I have a highly irrational fear of little people. I made this self discovery when my mother introduced the family to her new fiancé. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/10/2020 02:00

Passionate

Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate in an alley. He pushed me up against a wall and started kissing me, but he pushed me so hard I cut open my head and needed 10 stitches. FML

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By AdriBAMF - United States

Today, I got asked to Homecoming by the person I really like. I said yes and I was really excited. But my best friend who has liked me since the 6th grade wasn't. He went and broke my date's jaw. FML

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By newcomer - Canada - Kingston

Today, to treat the family, I cooked something nice in appreciation for sticking it out over the past few tough months. Unfortunately, I chose this one day to not wear my oven mitts when carrying the food to the table, spilling the food all over the carpeted floor. FML

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By CapeRanger - South Africa

Today, I drove my cousin to her wedding. The photographer said I was too ugly for the official photos so they searched the crowd for a good looking guy to pose as the driver in my new car. No one in the crowd stopped to defend me. My mom told me it's my own fault. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I got my period during my dance solo. My costume was white. FML

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By toelie

Today, at 6 weeks pregnant, I went to the ER in the middle of the night for severe abdominal pain, fearing ectopic pregnancy. Turns out it was just a wayward turd. FML

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By very analytical - United States - Ashland

Today, our outgoing boss told us about guy who's replacing him, saying he's very nice but very anal about things. Without thinking, I shrugged and said "Anal's not bad." Now everyone's calling me Anal-Girl. FML

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By powsser - United States

Today, my roommate got mad at me for putting away the tampons that were sitting on her desk. She rebelled by hanging hundreds of tampons dyed red from every surface in our dorm room. I discovered this while giving my mom her first tour of the place. FML

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By

Today, I called 911 and got taken to hospital via ambulance after a suicide attempt. When I called my mom, the first thing she asked was, "How much is the ambulance going to cost?" FML

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By Username

Today, I got attacked by my own dog. I don't know what will be harder, telling everyone how my dog thought I was a robber or explaining to them why a 25 year old man owns a poodle. FML

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By SkinsCastSelection - France

Inspired

Today, I was getting it on with my boyfriend. I started to come, screaming, "Ah... ah... ah... AHH!" To which he added, "Staying alive! Staying alive!" FML

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By Pissed - United States - Newton Center

Today, I found out my boyfriend has been cheating on me. My dad noticed my depression and got me to tell him what was wrong. I told him everything, and trusting him to have an intelligent suggestion, I asked him what I should do. He shrugged and said, "Fuck, sue him, I dunno." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Sherwood

Today, I had to sit in a three-seat truck between my dad and his best friend on a 4-hour trip to Detroit. It was great, besides their incessant crude jokes and stories, including chafing ball sacks, and naming their new radio station, "Chicks With Dicks Radio." FML

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By bleach bleach bleach - United States - Las Vegas

Today, it's been a little over a month since my dad started taking yoga lessons. We always joked around behind his back that he was just doing it so he could get flexible enough to suck himself off. Well, that joke was confirmed as reality when I walked in on him trying just that. FML

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By stickygoober - United States - Peoria

Today, my boss sent a message to a coworker saying, "We're putting all of you back on the phones because one of you can't stop watching Netflix so corporate thinks you guys don't do anything." That person was me. Everyone's pissed at me now. FML

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By badwife - Japan

Today, my husband left his cell phone at home. I looked through his contacts and found a person named "The Bitch." Being a very curious person, I decided to call "The Bitch" to see who it was. My phone rang. FML

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By jitterbug - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, when my roommate asked me what was wrong, I told him that something I ate was making me feel sick. He works 10+ hours a day, and I didn't have the heart to tell him that the putrid smell of his feet was making me nauseous. FML

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By izaya - United States - Muskogee

Today, I woke up with a electric dog collar on my neck. I wouldn't have noticed it until my stepfather turned the collar to the highest intensity just to wake me up. FML

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By moxy

Today, I got into a car accident. Why? I was distracted by a floating spec of dust and was pretending I was in space. FML

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By iharethissomuxh - Canada

Today, I played a volleyball game at my school. Not only did I miss the winning point, the ball hit my face in the process, which resulted in popping a big fat zit on my nose. FML

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By teejayrn - United States - Fayetteville

Today, my son sprayed the bottom of my car and windows white with fake snow in Christmas cheer. He did a great job, except he used white spray paint instead of the fake snow. FML

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By wookieewhosshe - United Kingdom - Sutton Coldfield

Today, my building's fire alarm went off. Unfortunately, this coincided with sexy time, and the loud alarm made me jumpy, making it extremely difficult to untie my naked boyfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Silverdale

Today, I went to a restaurant and asked for vegetarian options. They told me, "We have a chicken Caesar salad, will that work?" FML

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Top comments

By Nathan23xx | 18

#6279911 - Saturday 2 May 2015 23:51

That's retarded that she did that.

By Exaspera | 54

#6279935 - Saturday 2 May 2015 23:58

Your co-worker needs a remedial English class.

COMMENTS

By Nathan23xx | 18

#6279911 - Saturday 2 May 2015 23:51

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

wchil | 14

#6280053 - Sunday 3 May 2015 1:59

I find your comment offensive to "differently-able" people

Reply

greekk | 21

#6280069 - Sunday 3 May 2015 2:33

so you had to go to Special education?

Reply

expertsmilee | 26

#6280331 - Sunday 3 May 2015 10:19

No fucking idea what the slew of downvotes is for, this is funny shit.

By Ice_Cold_Llama | 17

#6279912 - Saturday 2 May 2015 23:51

You should be more mindful of what you say and do

Reply

jackroarrr | 25

#6279926 - Saturday 2 May 2015 23:55

Tardy isn't offensive.
Lol.

Reply

Xamry14 | 10

#6279941 - Sunday 3 May 2015 0:00

What are you talking about? OP said they were tardy. That means late.

Reply

Vestin | 18

#6279951 - Sunday 3 May 2015 0:06

#2: The fact that this comment has been downvoted to hell pleases me greatly. I guess the SJW brigade doesn't quite have an iron grip on this community yet.

Reply

dcam13 | 19

#6279967 - Sunday 3 May 2015 0:14

#2 = troll. ugh

By jackroarrr | 25

#6279913 - Saturday 2 May 2015 23:51

She sounds like a gem.
I would hate to work with her.

By Stillo | 25

#6279927 - Saturday 2 May 2015 23:55

Your coworker must be fun at parties.

Reply

cari_cat | 19

#6279964 - Sunday 3 May 2015 0:13

She doesn't go to parties, but she sure does have a lot of followers on tumblr!

By bryce0110 | 23

#6279933 - Saturday 2 May 2015 23:58

"douchebag" more like dumb ass to think tardy is making fun of retarded people.

By NakuEh | 27

#6279934 - Saturday 2 May 2015 23:58

It sounds like your coworker needs to go to a session on desensitizing.

Reply

clemsi | 20

#6280008 - Sunday 3 May 2015 0:49

I'd also include OPs supervisor/boss and the HR department. It's amazing how all the people involved in the complaint didn't have enough common sense between them to see it clearly was not an insult.

Reply

khaoticpanda | 28

#6280138 - Sunday 3 May 2015 5:16

The boss/HR probably sees it, but it isnt worth the effort required to fight people with stupidity AND determination.

By Exaspera | 54

#6279935 - Saturday 2 May 2015 23:58

Your co-worker needs a remedial English class.

By MELKOZAR | 27

#6279936 - Saturday 2 May 2015 23:58

She's "Differently-able" alright!

By mishwarner | 14

#6279937 - Saturday 2 May 2015 23:58

Should have printed out the dictionary definition for her & while you're at it print out an article about people that create problems in the workplace braise they just love to be offended

By heirofhope | 38

#6279940 - Saturday 2 May 2015 23:59

Is she able to understand the English language, or at the very least, the difference between, 'tardy' and 'retarded'? Fuck HER life, she's the one losing out due to her lack of intelligence, just keep your chin up OP.

Reply

quesok | 22

#6279942 - Sunday 3 May 2015 0:00

I couldn't even see what the problem was until I read your comment