Today, my girlfriend of two years and I decided to have sex for the first time. When we were in the room, finally ready to start, she confessed that she had never seen a penis before. To make her more comfortable, I showed her mine. At the sight of it, well, she actually fainted. FML
Collection
College Life
Packed lecture halls, a sketchy roommate and frat parties: welcome to college, the real thing.
Today, it was the first time I was about to have sex with my girlfriend of 3 years, since I'm self-conscious about my size. When she saw it, she started laughing. She was mad I didn't want to continue. FML
Today, I went all the way for the first time with my girlfriend. After I had finished, she asked me, "What just happened? Was that sex?" I wasn't sure either. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time. We are both virgins. After we kissed and I took down my pants, she screamed and said "That THING is going to break me." We never did it. FML
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend for the first time, and she reached down to feel me up. When her hands got there, she stopped and said, "You're not even hard..." I was. FML
Today, as my girlfriend and I were making out, I slowly took my clothes off and revealed my body to her for the first time. She looked, smiled, and said reassuringly, "Aww, don't worry. I know how it's supposed to look." FML
Today, I was fooling around with my girlfriend for the first time. She put her hand on my cock over my jeans and said, "Get hard for me." I was hard. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend for the first time. When I took my underwear off, she looked at my penis, snorted, and covered her mouth. She claimed that her "allergies" were flaring and we have to wait until they clear up. FML
Today, while I was having sex with my girlfriend, I was struck with a white-hot pain, and in the confusion thought her vagina had contracted hard. It turned out it was actually my uncircumcised penis retracting for the first time in my life. FML
Today, I finally got intimate with my girlfriend, the girl of my dreams. I undressed and, ready to step in bed with her, I see her staring at 'it'. Which was quickly followed by laughter. FML
Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML
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Top comments
irishfever 0
not sure how to interpret this one.... haha that sucks it sounds like she's not ready... don't pressure her
kwbuzz23wk 0
sounds like a compliment
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Comments (437)
Dante167 0
Haha your junk must look hideous
ChrisFrancia 0
that big huh? or did it hav 2 heads?
mylifeisntsucked 0
two years in a relationship and she had never seen ur dick b4? YOUR LIFE IS REALLY ******
plexico 4
better than getting a giggle!
elliekinslurvsya 0
dude. you could take that as a compliment. haha you didnt even get to do it, did you? xD
xHaniffax 0
everyone here going on about "omg 2 years! and no sex?!" That's why most relationships fail because people have nothing more than the sex relationships should be based on something deeper and stronger and you should have a connection with that person and then the sex is just extra pleasure I say well done to the OP for waiting at least for 2 years.
plm4 0
Haha same thing happened with me and my gf but instead of fainting she grabed it and started rubbing it
sue77ann 0
She was overwhelmed...take it as a compliment. Growing up I can't believe she never baby sat and changed a dirty diaper.
schnitzcopter 0
God, that's hilarious. Could it be a hilarious coincidence!? Ask her about her history of fainting, lol.
Pirate_argh 6
HAHA It's Hilarious!! Definately one of the best stories yet! Thank you for making my day buddy c",)