Today, my girlfriend of two years and I decided to have sex for the first time. When we were in the room, finally ready to start, she confessed that she had never seen a penis before. To make her more comfortable, I showed her mine. At the sight of it, well, she actually fainted. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, it was the first time I was about to have sex with my girlfriend of 3 years, since I'm self-conscious about my size. When she saw it, she started laughing. She was mad I didn't want to continue. FML
Today, I went all the way for the first time with my girlfriend. After I had finished, she asked me, "What just happened? Was that sex?" I wasn't sure either. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time. We are both virgins. After we kissed and I took down my pants, she screamed and said "That THING is going to break me." We never did it. FML
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend for the first time, and she reached down to feel me up. When her hands got there, she stopped and said, "You're not even hard..." I was. FML
Today, as my girlfriend and I were making out, I slowly took my clothes off and revealed my body to her for the first time. She looked, smiled, and said reassuringly, "Aww, don't worry. I know how it's supposed to look." FML
Today, I was fooling around with my girlfriend for the first time. She put her hand on my cock over my jeans and said, "Get hard for me." I was hard. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend for the first time. When I took my underwear off, she looked at my penis, snorted, and covered her mouth. She claimed that her "allergies" were flaring and we have to wait until they clear up. FML
Today, while I was having sex with my girlfriend, I was struck with a white-hot pain, and in the confusion thought her vagina had contracted hard. It turned out it was actually my uncircumcised penis retracting for the first time in my life. FML
Today, I finally got intimate with my girlfriend, the girl of my dreams. I undressed and, ready to step in bed with her, I see her staring at 'it'. Which was quickly followed by laughter. FML
Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML
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Top comments
irishfever 0
not sure how to interpret this one.... haha that sucks it sounds like she's not ready... don't pressure her
kwbuzz23wk 0
sounds like a compliment
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Comments (437)
youaresofucked 0
you must be keeping a TIGER in your pants. ; )
CASoulNYCmind 0
Time to go to L.A. and see if you have a future in the adult movie industry eh?
BurnTheVegan 0
Just take it slooow, man.
Pizzabutt 0
I'd take that as a compliment.
tmax720 0
#85, Hilarious....just great. kudos to you if it was due to the size, and to those that say it couldn't have been bc she had nothing to compare it too, maybe she meant that she had never seen a penis in person
bipolaradhdfml 0
ANYONE who says that he should still have had sex with her after she fainted should seek help or something. That is rape. What kind of creeper would do something like that?
ChelseaChops 1
"To make her comfortable i showed her mine" Well ******* duh. You WERE going to show her it anyways, and who's else would you have shown?! I'm getting sick of bullshit.
LaTuaCantante 0
um...wow...thats like wtf.i dont think she was ready.like fer real yo.thats kind of pathetic of her.no offence.
WarriorGoalie65 0
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH i laughed so hard when i read this
12mp04 0
there's no way that's going to fit *passes out*